Who have you asked to help you fight the ED and what have you asked

Morning Friends.

This question stems from something that i have been pondering for a while. I read once about someone (over 18)who asked her parents to take away her bank cards, supervise her post meals and generally not leave food around the house available to her, in order to help her combat the ED. Months down the line, it seems that this may not have been as powerful a weapon as she had hoped since:
1)She was still able to go out and binge and purge sometimes.
2) She realised that when her parents were away then she would use the opportunity to b/p
3) She realised that as an adult, she needs to get to a place where she alone is the reason not to b/p, rather than the fact that her parents are around.
4) Such an approach can be a strain on her and her parents, thereby affecting their relationship.

For me personally, i have on ocassion asked family members to come out with me to eat or just to go out in general. Beyond that, i am not sure what to ask people, leaving me feeling alone, and them feeling powerless or confused at times. Like they are watching me destroy myself.

So apart from professionals, who have you asked to help you combat the ED and what have you asked them to do to help you?

Thank you.......

xx

Sreb...This is a great question! I am interested to see what others have to say.
For myself, asking for help wasn't hard for me, but it always turned into either a 'food police' situation, or where others enabled me. I also found that because I fought against that control, it was not destined to be helpful (my fault).
If I could do it again, I think I would have attempted to have others communicate with me more about my feelings, what was upsetting me, and help me distract from the painful moments. I think if others could have seen me for more than as eating disorder, it may have helped. It's hard to know for sure..hindsight you know. The most important thing I have learned that no matter what, honesty is the best policy...you never have to remember what story you told who...you know?
I hope others will contribute....love to you...Jan ♥

Sreb,
This topic feels important, a great exploration, and a bit of a reality check.
I have asked friends over the years if I be honest with them, knowing that for me hiding feds my Ed. I haven't ever asked anyone to "help" me with my food, but have often thought maybe I should.
Your example of the woman who rebelled after she enlisted her loved ones makes sense to me. In all honesty if I want to binge and purge I will find a way, people will become speed bumps and the whole thing might end in resentment.
My point being? For me loved ones, not professionals are best involved as unconditional safe ears, places I can say "I'm having a hard time" or what ever.
These leaves for me a question of how will I get myself to stop this relapse. What will break the cycle if not the watching eyes of those who live with me?
Off to my day to allow myself to surprise myself.
Thanks for the provoking topic, it touched me deep inside.
Patsy

I also have to agree that being accountable to loved ones could lead to resentment. The fear of "letting down" or the fear (as I have experienced) of being caught in a lie or betrayal to a loved one in regards to food is a risk I am not willing to take. I do think loving and unconditional support from those that love you is critical in helping one get to a positive place to make healthier choices. Simply asking someone to be there to listen can be huge. Establishing honesty about where you are at emotionally is important with loved ones and not neccesarily the details of the food. So yes how do we set ourselves free? I mean WE have to be the ones to actually do it. I think being empowered through therapy has helped me the most in making healthier choices, framing things differently, ect. It helps to have that objective but also caring third party help you to recognize your own strength and desires and ability to recognize within yourself what a healthy life can mean to you. Peace to you friend!

Thank you for your contribution to this post ladies.

Jan. Is the silence or passivity of others tantamount to enabling? I ask this because i remember last year September, clearly hearing the voice of ED tell me that i was wrong to think that telling people would mean i was any safer. A part of me accepted this since i began to see that the more that i opened up, the lonelier i felt. So it is now that i have told family members. But they do nothing to stop me (i don't think it is their responsibility to BTW) and we don't really confront the ED. All the while, i continue to get worse in front of them. I would have no idea whether or not they got the seriousness of this. What you suggest seems to be what i think would be best for me but i often feel a burden to others if i am seeking them out to talk about 'me, me, me'. I am used to listening to others and not the one being listened to. Also, i find that the people i need to speak to are not always there when i need to speak to them so in my heart, i feel like i have accepted that this is a lonely battle. I know what you mean about the control issue. Since i refuse to let go of that, the only way i feel i can request their help is by them being ears for my words.

Patsy,
You are so right about bingeing and purging. In fact i know that no-one can stop me and i will always find a way. If i were in an inpatient setting, i would only stop out of respect for the rules but i imagine that if i were left to my own devices, then i would probably still purge on ocassion. I guess similarly to what Jan said, needing people to speak to is what we can ask for. Since i guess to a large extent, it was our inability to communicate when we most needed to which landed us in the ED boat. Breaking the cycle??? Hmmm. I wish i had suggestions. I am swimming in ED waters and can only stay afloat for so long. If you live alone, it is a hard one to tackle. Even surrounded by other souls, it is hard. I guess if you really felt able and had a friend who was willing, you could request sharing meals or dinning with them.Would you feel comfortable doing that???

Surrender. Therapy is great in so far as it opens up the possibility of things happening. But personally, i have found that it has actually heightened my sense of loneliness with this ED. Reason being, it is very hard to communicate to another person, the pain that you feel. Physical or emotional. And that is why the body seems such a good tool to communicate this. However, it is like the more people that know, the more i see that they can't help me. Nor can my therapist. Like i acquire knowledge about the root cause, distraction techniques, other stuff but ultimately, I have to stop. No-one is going to force me to eat or not purge or not exercise. I don't know. I really thought it would work out the other way. Like i would receive more help. But then i guess it comes down to me not communicating to others just how desperate my current situation is. Still not able to use my voice. Hmmm

Much for me to think about.

Thank you ladies.

xx

Dear Sreb :)
Last things first...:)
I truly believe that YOU have not had the benefit of good therapy. Otherwise, you would not feel this loneliness, or feeling of being misunderstood or not understood (I think there is a difference). You are right, NO one can force you to do anything, but an experienced compassionate therapist could be a motivating factor, and a person you could trust. I know that is a hard one.
Enabling....to me, passivity and silence are partners in enabling. I would not say that except that I know you have told your family, so it's not that they are ignorant of what is going on. I will give them that they may not know WHAT to do to help, but not doing anything, or not seeking answers about how to help, does have a certain flavor of enabling.
I know you don't expect them to physically force you to do something, but to not express concern or ask how they could help is like not mentioning the elephant that is standing on your dining room table. I don't for a minute think that you family doesn't care, nor do they know what to do, but I do think the situation speaks to one of enabling. I would be interested to hear what others think.
Might I just add that much of the value of 'going into treatment', is the element of interrupting and breaking that chaotic cycle. It may be the only way to do it for some people....[most] people in my experience.
Once that has been done, and a more structured and consistent eating pattern is established, a person's body and mind [thinking] will be more rational, which will help to continue on this healthier road.
Please keep writing....sending you HUGS...Jan ♥

Hmmm.

Jan. It is really interesting to hear how things seem from your perspective.

I would say that i have a good therapist at the moment in that i think that she gets where i am coming from, for the most part. I think i have had 1 crap therapist in the past but i ditched her as soon as i realised she just wanted my money. But in spite of my good current therapist, i cannot help feeling alone with this. In a very different way than i felt with my nurse who i felt was right there with me willing me on to try different things and to succeed, even though she was not an ed specialist.

I agree that it is a bit like the elephant in the room at the moment. We don't talk about it and they let me get on with it. A big part of me wishes 1 of them would say: every morning, we will have breakfast together and spend time together after. How does that sound to you??? But i will not ask that of them. I guess that freedom allows me to choose the ed or the real me. This morning, i chose the ed. I don't think that i ever realised the profound sense of loneliness i feel most days, even though i am often in the midst of people. It has become a lot clearer in the past few months. I am without doubt, that they care. I think i have the best family in the world most days, in spite of the complications which come simply because we are a family. I could not have chosen better parents or siblings. That said, i think they are very wary of making me do anything, or making me more anxious or upsetting me.... The result is silence. They ask me how i am. I say i am fine. And so the day continues even though i may have thrown up multiple times that day. As long as i leave no evidence, there is no need for them to say anything. I wish i knew what the answer was. But i keep coming back to me. But i feel like i am not enough to stop this.

With regards to treatment, i still feel strangely confident that i can interrupt the cycle. The main thing stopping me from doing it at the moment is my fear of any weight gain. It does not feel like fear. It feels more like a stubborn refusal to gain weight cos then i feel like i am failing. At being eating disordered. How messed up is that?? Like if i gain, i go back to being a pure bulimic and so will get less help.

In theory, if i was not so worried, i would enjoy my way to good health and eating. I would eat the foods i enjoy and i would enjoy doing it. Unfortunately, i cannot.

My other fear is that i will be out of control. And i proved it to myself last week. I ate sthg i liked. Planned to keep it in. But then started worrying about the next meal and ended up where i always do.

Okay Jan, and all others out there:

If you were the person living with someone with an ed, how would you help them??? I know this is hard to answer cos we have in depth knowledge about how dangerous this is and we have lived through or are living through it but try to imagine what you would do.

xxx

Sreb,
Knowing what I do now, I would ask this person how I could best help them, and offer to help them be accountable, have meals with them, etc. I would also focus on what they are feeling, what is stressing them, and again, ask how I could be helpful. For someone who does not understand the ED, as in your family, I think it does come back to you asking for these things, or whatever it is that you need. They don't know how to help, but using your voice to ask for specific help, could be empowering. Or even just beginning to open up the lines of communication, such as talking about how you are feeling, and perhaps educating them about this problem.
Ultimately, if someone lived in my home and was very ill with an eating disorder, I would insist that they get help, and help them to do that. If they chose not to, I would tell them that I could not watch them kill themself. Maybe not in so many words, but there is a time when an ultimatum can be useful. I am not saying this is what you need, or what your family should do, but I have seen this play out to be the best for the person suffering.
Just my thoughts...Jan ♥

Jan,
My ED just stood up and took notice at your last few sentences. This strong reaction is an indication of how threatened it/he is by the idea of an ultimatum. Huh?
Maybe I gently give myself the ultimatum, I can’t live with this behavior and if I it doesn’t stop I will leave myself.
Writing this out makes me see how important letting others in is. I’m pretty isolated sans this board and my therapist, having given up on letting people or burdening people with what seems like broken record behavior.
Writing this out and noticing how threatened ED is by the thought of tough light and confrontation is good and scary.
I may not be able to break this cycle alone and it makes me mad. ED loves this realization because he knows I am so reluctant to let anyone in without guarantees.
So important has this post been.
Today I will Live as if I am worth any burden of recovery.
Love and light back at you all.
Patsy

Jan,
I guess unlike Patsy, an ultimatum has a different effect on me this evening. It is so weird. I am getting help but at home, i am not helping myself nor am i allowing others to help me by being totally honest about my behaviours.

I thought about it recently, a few weeks ago, in fact. I thought that if someone ever gave me an ultimatuum, i would choose the ED and choose to move out and try to do it alone. Sounds messed up right?? As well as the misery of the ED, there is also the pleasure. Of course there is. Otherwise, we would not choose it day after day.

It comes back to the fact that if i were to live alone, i would have to do this alone. So i feel like i should not be forced to recover just because i am with others.

And therein lies the extreme guilt that i feel at the moment. I feel guilty that i am putting them through this and not allowing them to help me. Does that make sense? I want to give myself the same ultimatum you allude to and force myself to do this away from them because it ain't pretty being me at the moment and i don't want them to see me as i am physically nor emotionally. I cannot expect of them the kind of things you would epect of professionals in an inpatient setting and yet that is what i know i need. Just a few weeks to get me over this mountain of an obstacle.

Again, i know that as soon as i relinquish this tight grip on my weight, i will need less supervision and less help but until then..........

So, this evening, i feel confused. I did have a good conversation with a friend who laid it out like this. If you don't talk about what you are going through or educate them, how will they know what you are going through or be able to think about how they can help you. She helped me to see that i do have some degree of power over how much help i can ask for and how much help may be forthcoming.

Patsy, you have a mature attitude to the ultimatum. My petulance is growing by the second and i am not a teenager with a hormonal excuse. lol.

You guys have given me a lot to think about and i shall begin by doing something this evening. Using my voice.

Honest truth is, i am not ready to stop purging. By a long stretch. Forget weight. I am not ready. I have had periods of readiness which ultimately led to action and periods of abstinence. This is not one of those periods. And no-one can make me stop (petulance). Even if i ultimately am the author of my own destruction. It is that simple i guess.

Sorry. I am not sure what is going on with me at the moment. But some of the above is part of the truth i have not been willing to admit to myself for the past few weeks. I say it is hard to stop when the simple truth is that i am not ready to stop.

xx

Sreb,
Umm....do you WANT someone to ask you to leave?

No one can force you to recover, but just as you are worthy of respect, so are those around you, so if your behavior is affecting their lives, they have a right to tell you, and/or ask you to change or.....????
I agree that a few weeks to break the cycle is the first critical step...the one component that you cannot seem to find or utilize. I agree with your friend...no one can know what you need if you don't ask or tell them.
You say you are the author of your own destruction. If that be the case, you also have the power to be the author of your own recovery. Truly! This does not mean that you don't need or deserve help, but it does mean you can take action before someone has to take it for you.

I believe in you....I really do. Jan ♥

I was actually just thinking of asking this question but I'm happy you got too it first :). I'm having a struggle in asking for help and some of these replies are awesome. Thanks for the post and thanks to everyone for the replies...they help support everyone in this group :)

To add to this conversation.... asking for help has never been a thing I do well but through out my ed, I have come to realize a few things. 1. I need "help" when I am in a situation that I feel weak in and know that the likely hood of me b/p is high, it's nice to be able to just say "hey, this is a situation that is really tough for me, can you just talk me down from it?". 2. It is a very different thing to ask a friend/family member, for help when I'm struggling in certain situations and day-to-day, to step in and correct a behavior of mine than when I come to them in a vulnerable state and ask for them to just talk me out of the thoughts/planning in my head about b/p.

I have told my Dad, fiance (boyfriend at the time), and a couple friends, of my struggles with my ed. Each person has been supportive in their own way but I can tell that they just don't know what to say. My fiance has been wonderful but I relied to heavily on him to correct my behaviors when we were out to eat, at family gatherings, etc and the stress that it placed on him was too much. He felt like HE was doing something wrong because he was unable to help me stop b/p.

So...while it is very important (I think) to have close friends and family know what you are going through and help you along, I think it's imperative to be able to openly discuss our issues with someone that has a greater understanding of what is going on in our heads when we feel the need to binge and purge.

My question I pose to all is this, I struggle with finding a method of resisting the thoughts of binging. If I know I'll be alone for a given amount of time and am in a weak state, 9 times out of 10 I'll b/p because I know I can..... no other reason. What do you all do (when successful) to not go with the urge to b/p? Any suggestions?

I am really glad to see so many people contributing to this discussion. I think it will help us think about what we need and how we can voice our needs.Welcome sonrisas (cool name. hope u r smiling). Glad this post has been of some help. xx

Jl,
I hear what you are saying. Sometimes we need to be careful about how much we rely on people. I truly believe that. Cos sometimes, they may end up trying to avoid us if they feel we are too demanding of them or taking too much and not giving. I am not saying this is what you did. But i think i am so conscious of this that i feel better just no talking and not asking so that the ed is not the mainstay of my relationship with others.

Like you, if i know i will be alone, i often return to my first love/hate. So, the only way for me to avoid it, is also to make my own plans to get out of the house because i cannot be trusted to be alone at the moment. My family are not aware of that, but that is the truth. Alternatively, watch a film. Phone a friend. Such a tough one. In the past, i used to chew and spit (i am not recommending this since it is still eating disordered) because that saved me from purging which is a real dangerous thing for me to be doing based on where i am at physically. On that 1 occasion when you succeed in avoiding b/p, what has that been down to??

Jan,
In response to your question, errmm. I don't want them to ask me to leave but I want to leave. I don't want to be around people anymore, with my behaviours. Not because i make them a part of it. Truth be told, if not for the weight loss, they would probably be as clueless as ever. The depression is not as bad as it was a few months ago so the same logic applies there. But, i feel sorry for them having to see me at this weight. And i feel sorry for them that they want me to get better but they see me getting lower in terms of my weight. I think it makes them confused about the therapeutic process since i tell them that i am going to my sessions but they see me getting worse not better. I binge discreetly, with no chaos and i purge discreetly with no evidence left behind. I do not make their lives a hell. I am not rude to them, no more snappy than anyone else. Hardly so because i try not to get in anyone's way. So the main way i think i affect them is that they now know i have a problem but cannot see any evidence of me getting better. I know it will come but i am scared that they will get fed up with waiting for me to get better and .... i don't know. I had a frank conversation with a FM, who said that they kinda wished i would be forced into inpatient so that control is taken away from me or they were waiting for me to get to a stage where they had to take over because i was no longer capable of taking care of myself cos then, they would be in full control. Did this conversation scare me? No, cos i said i would never get that bad. And that was a promise. But, i do see that they feel that i am an adult and until i am no longer legally respobsible for myself or until someone else is made responsible for me, all they can do is allow me to come to them when i want to. And if i don't come to them...... I had a good conversation last night based on the discussion i had with my friend and the exchange here. So that is one positive thing. I know that help is coming in a few weeks. Will this be enough? It will be if i commit to recovery and not be half-arsed about it. Am i committed? I am not sure but i am not intending to fool anyone. Truth is, the ED has never been part of my identity. That may sound strange but until this recent weight loss, i was able to hide it and as long as i did, no-one knew me as the girl with the ed or anything like that and i got on with life and put the ed in the corner. Granted it was like a shadow but i could function even with it. I rarely got sick, ed never interrupted my life, i was not as sociable as i could have been but at least the ed was not who people saw me as nor who i saw myself as.

Now, i feel like a bloody invalid and all i see is the ed and all others see of me is the ed so it has by default become the identity i have and i never wanted that. In order to ditch that therefore, recovery is the only way forward. Not just cos of this identity issue but more because i cannot function at the moment and it is depressing to think that a good day for me is taking a shower and getting out of the house (even if only to buy binge food). Head hung in shame. Someone tell me i am a screw-up. Hate living like this. So i have to find a new love.

Although it is tough for me to read your words, i have to think about what i am doing to others by continuing in this vein.
xxxx

I did go down the route you mentioned that one girl did...asking my parents to hide food. I thought it would help. But eventually I started searching for things, staying up late to binge and purge, and even buying food to replace what I had eaten so they wouldn't know. It was a bad cycle, but for about 2 weeks, it did help. But then it became too difficult.

I talk to my boyfriend whenever I used to feel the need to purge, and he would help me see my real goals.
But one good thing I did to help was have him monitor me on skype (as I mentioned in another post)
I found myself binging at night time to avoid homework, so when I felt the need to do so, we went on skype and he watched and I could still do homework. The interaction was quiet, but knowing someone else was watching me kept me from going up and grabbing food, or going to the bathroom.
And if I did need to leave there was either a 2 minute rule or (if I was really in a bad place) I had to bring the laptop with me.
I never felt like he was constantly watching my like a hawk (as I would have with my parents) and in general it was just really helpful on helping me gain some foot ground to start battling better myself.

sreb, inquisitive songbird-

i am completely drawn into this post. b/c a LOT has been said, i will simply respond to the aspects to which i can relate.

the subject of asking people for help is a double-edged sword. but i'll admit that i have shared more about my secret life than ever before. i have a great therapist who takes the time to really wonder about me, who really takes the time to try to communicate with ME...yes, odd, secretive, scared ME. i told my doctor [who is my step-sis]. i have a best friend MILES away that i told. we talk on occasion: she is one of the few people who *get* me. i have a loved one who knows. and i have all of you on this site.

the double-edgi-ness to the sword is that i'm used to trying so hard to HIDE everything. there are truly times when i'm not sure WHAT the truth really is. and? sometimes i am so devastated that i've betrayed myself, i swing back around and start lying. THAT part sucks b/c i really DON'T WANT TO LIE to the people that i've enlisted in trying to help me.

i do know that my therapist and doc [sis] communicate behind my back. my therapist will ask me about things i never mention... then she'll confess that she has talked with nancy [doc/sis]. nancy has reported to her all meds i take...and all concerns she has about me taking too many. she has told her i am running. she has told her that i have dropped in weight. believe me when i say that part of me is FURIOUS that they are talking about me like that. how DARE nancy tell things she sees in our personal lives....

the loved one has come to ME in the past and asked about specific symptoms... over time, i have confessed more and more... although this loved one has truly NO IDEA WHAT TO DO FOR ME, i know i am cared about. we had some serious talks about what she could do to help me. i tried like hell to explain the odd sense of tyrany this eating disorder has over me...the sneaky, rebelious, bossy LIAR it can be.

for a while she asked what i had for lunch.... after a while, i asked that she not do that b/c i felt like i was being put in a position to lie. she noticed that i eat WAY too quickly and that occasionally will overeat--- she knows that *full* feeling tortures me and leads to penance. she asked if she could point it out to me when it is happening.------ so i have agreed, and it actually really helps me. she will just touch my arm to get my attention and give me the *look* [don't act like you all don't know what the *look* is- we have ALL been the recipients of the *look*... haha]. i will then assess whether i'm eating too quickly or too much. she also asks me if i REALLY want another__________. most of the time the answer is NO...and i wouldn't have stopped if i hadn't been posed the question.

she also suggests nicely that i try to eat a little something. that's it. she plants the seed---and i can tend to nuturing it or not.

she can tell if something is *off* with me. she'll ask if i would like to talk about anything. most of the time i say no... but there has been that rare occassion when i was at a wickedly weak moment where i blurted out secrets...

although i hate being treated like a child; and i hate that people know i have NO INTUITION with food; and i hate that i can barely be trusted on my own, i know that the people i have enlisted are watching and communicating. every little blurt that escapes is just one more piece to my puzzle... that helps others to put together.

writing has helped me. reading on this site has helped me.

i have one other aspect that i think has been the key to getting me to admit what really goes on with me. i know someone who has been in my situation. she's over all of it now, but i am able to write [b/c real, live talking still just kills me] honestly to her. it's like journaling to an audience. journaling to just journal loses it's meaning for me pretty quickly. and for whatever reason, i am able to lay it all out there- ugly, honest, twisted craziness. i believe that this quiet writing process that is TRULY intended for another human to read has set a part of me free. it's practice for my therapist. i feel *heard* and *understood*. i am reassured that i am NOT crazy... i am not judged, and on occasion the responses are of feeling similarly at one time also---and i feel less lonely, less afraid of my thoughts and actions, less scared-as-hell to share those thoughts and actions, less insane. it is the first time i have EVER acknowledged how i REALLY THINK. it is my first time sharing some of it. it is the first time i have EVER let myself be completely honest... again- ugly, honest, twisted, crazy---difficult, painful, frightening. brings me to hysterics a lot--- but it is a much needed release. i know i could journal here and get responses from likeminded sisters...but my writing is sometimes very dark...and simply inappropriate for this site. i am grateful for the opportunity to WAIL my truth, to unveil it's true ugliness....and to be comforted in return. please don't misunderstand and think that i am being enabled. great care is taken when responses are made. for whatever reason, i am able to take the risk that serious responses will sent back to me and am able to accept those serious responses from someone who has *been there* so to speak.

i feel similarly to you, sreb....in that i feel like things are sometimes worse and have taken on some sort of life of its own. but the flip-side to all that is that i AM seeing things differently; i AM seeing a lot of what i REALLY do; and i HAVE told a few people who truly are helping me- even when i don't want them to....

pant pant. sorry for the l-o-n-g bullshitty ramble. it's cathartic for me also...to read and respond to your specific, thoughtful, always-thought-provoking posts....

namaste, songbird...
amy xoxo

Hey Special.

I love the way in which you have enrolled your boyfriend. It is really clever and i especially like the 2 minute rule. I like there being a sense of freedom in so far as you will ultimately decide but the person on the other side/opposite you is there as a presence to remind you of your goals and the fact that you can do without ED. A lot for me to think about. I really feel like this post has helped me think a lot more about where i am and what i need from others. I read a fantastic blog this evening from someone recovering and i saw the way in which she enrolled her parents. I can see it is also quite a demanding enterprise but if people are willing and able, we can ask of them.

Amy,
I would be annoyed if someone who knew me privately but also worked professionally with me is sharing private things with another professional. I think professionals have to be careful not to stray beyond those boundaries. I say this even though i think it must be really difficult for your sis to know what to do. Ultimately, their concern is the preservation of your life. This is what it comes down to. Hmmm. I like the way that she helps you.It is so considered. Sounds gentle, subtle, measured. Sounds wonderful. At times, i am sure it is not what you want but whenever i am in full ed mode, interruption is likely to turn me mad (internally) and then i will take it out on myself somehow.

I am glad that you have found people to share with and the idea/reality of a live journal sounds great also. Nothing is better than the sense of being understood. I think my FMs are lacking in this respect so far to some degree but this is not about attribution of blame or fault. I know that the responsibility lies with me to educate them or help them know how they can help me. Same goes for all of us i guess.

Ladies, your words continue to contribute to my development daily so THANK YOU.

XXX

Sreb.... That one occasion has, except for once when I called my boyfriend to have him talk me down, been that I just leave and go do something else. Or if I know that I'm going to be alone and probably going to want to b/p that I make plans with someone.
Tomorrow concerns me.... I usually work in the morning and then in the late afternoon to evening.... tomorrow though, I have my entire afternoon open and my friend I had plans with can't get together now. I've gone 2 days with no b/p and am praying for a 3rd!
Glad this conversation stream has gone on for so long! It's been great reading along!

Jamie

Sreb..thank you for starting this topic...and for all of you who have written. This is the honest give and take that can and will lead to emotional breakthroughs and freedom!
You all amaze me...daily...Jan ♥

Hey Jamie,
Any chance you can do sthg by yourself outside of the house?? Go watch a movie in the cinema, go for a swim, treat yourself to a massage late in the evening (i have tried that one before and it does help me even if i do b/p at night but it is worth a try). Or else, ask a friend if you can call them between the 'tough hours'.

Thinking of you today.

xx

Thanks Jan for your contributions.

xx