Whurt woa

ok.
i'm a moron.
so over the past four weeks of having this stinkin' ankle injury i gave in to my urges to work out. I've gained some weight and of course and secretly FREAKING OUT on the inside from not being able to work out...and of course ive been restricting much more than normal...

ugh it's so stupid. i know i know... i don't need a lecture - but last night i went running...well, hobble running in the air cast i'm in... then today i got a call from my Dr. with the MRI results - here all along ive had a fracture in my ankle that they just found. I also tore a bunch of ligaments in my ankle and leg bones...

how on earth could i justify running to loose weight? How could I justify the pain knowing that could be something really wrong and I ran on it anyway? Last night and then this morning I guess it kinda struck me how outta control this thinking is and what power it has over me even in the craziest situation like going running on a broken ankle (IN A CAST!!!) WHO DOES THAT?!?!?

And who knows what additional damage I could have done? I have a follow up appt with my PCP on Monday to check on my MRI stuff and see how my ankle is... I am wondering if I can or should tell him about this - what good would it do other than PROVE I'm an ED IDIOT!

ugh! so stupid!

Sweetie you're not an idiot but you're obviously under a lot of pressure from the ED. Just relax for a while. I think you should tell your doc, you need it to heal completely, so I think it would be important.

Are you getting therapy for you illness ya? Please don't be hard on yourself, you are trying to cope with an extrememly powerful illness.

love to you
Moongal x

i had to write something here--first off --i so feel bad for you for all the pain you have been through--i know how that is--and , in going to therapy, i have to relive the most painful times in my life all over again...

i know how it is with ED/ excercise addiction. for me, my working out is out of control. ok--i dont work out for that long--but i do punish myself within that time frame. and i do still work out even injured or hurt, sick---or even wobbling in pain. i will work out even if i am half crippled, which i am already from arthritis. i have made my joints so painful from working out too much, the pain is excruciating. i will cripple myself if i dont stop. the thing is --i cant or i am having trouble. i have cut back a lot in the last 2 week, i just couldnt work out cuz i was too tired. so that was a step forward.

my joints have become so painful--i can barely use my limbs anymore ...i was thinking about myself in 20 years---if i keep going like this i will end up in a wheelchair. do i really want that? do i? god, no. i dont. i have been doing really good with my eating--so thats good, but my working out is a problem. i worked out too hard yet again today and my heart was going nuts. thankfully, i ate well. but im still hungry...sigh...i am huritng myself.
im sitting here, in pain, dizzy--how can i accomplish what i want in life like this????

so i started going back to therapy and i am hoping --so hoping it will stop this maddness.
the thing is when i hear some others with excercise bulimia who go for wayyyy longer than me it makes me feel i dont have a problem. but i do work out in severe pain and cant really skip a day--hardly....so yes, i do...have a problem.

i am proud of msyelf for cutting back in the past 2 weeks that is great.

so, i know how it is LA and it is not dumb or stupid--well ED is but ---we are not....
it is just powerful,gripping , horrible and so powerful we forget our god given health and beauty of life over this ED hell.

i so hope we can overcome this;i beleive we can..

i really really wish the best for you! and hope you didnt do further damage!let us please cherish our HEALTH.

are you seeking help for your ED??? i hope so...

best wishes

maureen