Why bother?

Can anyone give a good reason as to why we bother trying to discover and maintain love / relationships? I mean, it makes us weak, stupid, blind, it degrades us, condescends, and hurts every moment that it's not in good presence in our lives. Why do we bother with something that will only temporarily heal or fill an emptiness until it gets the best of us and down we go again!? Don't we ever learn our lesson that putting that much faith into another person, be it a lover or a family member even, they're only going to let us down?

I'm so sick of trying to love and expecting love that I wish I could remove the chip and just be content with being alone with myself. That leads to another question: why am I so afraid of being alone??

I really just need to get it together.

Thanks for reading this babble of emotion...

relationships are VERY hard, you're right. are you afraid of being alone like having no one to hang out with or like the rest of your life alone?

Tomorrow is promised to noone so if we dont attempt to find love then we will never know love.

Alot of us are afraid to be alone even though we will be at some point in time in our life & if we're all alone....then we're in that TOGETHER.

Sometimes we hold ourselves back from experiencing life & what it has to offer us for fear of being hurt & fear of being alone but then we havent really lived if we dont do our best to put ourselves out there.

Take care of you.

April

i think sometimes expectations need to be set accordingly for each relationship you have in your life, investing the time/effort and not receiving the same back will happen and should be expected as some are just not as thoughtful and caring as others. don't get discouraged, it's never easy to find a meaningful relationship or have someone come through for you all the time, don't give up though you'll be able to find and build the meaningful relationships you want.

That's why I have chosen to be alone. It seems like love comes with too much baggage and heartache. Sometimes we set our expectations far too high and the person whom you love will always come up short. Sure love can be fun and exciting but it can also rip your heart out and make you sink into an undescribable darkness. I guess the real question is: Is it worth the risk?

Dear Gothic Tragedy,
Yes, Love is worth the risk! The real question is, do you love yourself first? If you do not then it becomes impossible for you to let love in. Even though you think you are loving someone and they should equaly love you back, they can not if you do not love you. I struggle with that everyday of my life. I sabatoge my marriage almost always because of it. Conscious of it or not that is what I do and i believe it is because I do not think I am truely worthy. I always have listened and worried about what others think of me. I put everyone before myself and have lost me. Please try to see love for what it is. Self love is most important. I mean really truely loving yourself for you. You will never be alone or disappointed if you love yourself and love God. God is always with you. He created you and made you beautiful and special. Do not let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. For this is not what God wants for his child he made. If you look for happiness from others they will only let you down, they are only human. I am not super religous but I do believe in God and have my own personal relationship with him. What I tell you is from my heart and may sound stupid. I also know that when you feel so lonely and hurt it is hard to trust in that and not feel used and hurt. If you need someone to talk to just message me. I am here for you and so are alot of people here! This site has helped me and I hope to do the same for others if I can.
Take care of you!
Hugs,
Lily

Excellant lily, great advice.

Thanks April. It feels good to think my advice may have helped in some small way.
Hugs,
Lily

Great advice indeed! I can see where my relationships go down the drain with Lily's words in mind. It seems I routinely become depressed and push everyone away. And my depression is almost always based on low self worth. Once I fight myself to get my confidence back I feel happier from the inside out. I just wish I could discover a way to end the routine. It's soo exhausting being me sometimes...

Thank you kindly for sharing some wisdom. GT- we love you =)

sometimes we are trying to hard - we are depending on another to make us happy - it doesnt work that way - took my a long time to figure that out. All relationships are hard (partners, family, friends, kids, work) but they all have upsides - reasons we keep them going.

sometimes though we focus so much on the negative we foget the positives - its a self-defeating phrophacy LOL

good luck and god bless

Thank you lily for your encouraging words and for telling your story. I am so very sorry for your pain. Yes, I believe you truly have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I have struggled with it for years but lately it has become easier to love me for who I am. I hope that you too may also find self love.

Guin,
You are so very welcome. I am working on the self love thing each and every day. That is the best I can do.
Take care of you!
Hugs,
Lily

KrisNic, you are a very lovable,amazing and beautiful person. I hope that some day you win this battle of low self esteem and you are truly happy within yourself.

I am sorry I gave such poor advice. I must have been in a mood that day. Love is a beautiful thing and it is always worth the risk. Love is giving all of yourself and praying they return it. Love is exciting, wonderful and scary but it is always better to have loved and lost than never to loved at all.

I wish you all the best in your journey in finding self love. You all are very deserving of your own love. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

hi

A good healthy relationship would require a lot less trying and a lot more enjoying. you will go through the bad before you find the good. but once you do find that one person that makes you feel amazing every day of your life then there is your reasoning. to die with the one person who has made you a happy better person.

Thank you soo much for your wonderful comments!! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get back, I've been so tired lately and today I finally forced myself up before the sun.

Love is a beautiful thing. Although it can be destructive as is it can be constructive. Guin, no need to apologize for your comment. If it were the other way around I would've probably said the same thing! Love can be a difficult one to keep good hopes for sometimes. But love is always around. And we as simple yet complex human beings need to try to keep it alive within ourselves to try to maintain a level of good hearted intentions- whether toward ourselves or people around us.

M&M- I can't thank you enough for your inspiring words. It's really nice to hear a good thing about why we try. You are commpletely right- to stick with someone and be patient and have them be patient with one is worth more than words could express. The effort from both sides keeps me going.

cs26- I used to believe that you would know your true lover from the least amount of troubles had. But now I believe that you know your love from how much work both parties are willing to put into a relationship. I've gone through the bads, let me tell you. And with everyone else it's been easy to let them go and walk away. I know it's right because I will not give up. After all the wrinkles are laid out, the easy part comes in.

Thank you again for you kind words and for taking the time to express them :]

all you need is good sex overseas and you wont ever have to worry about love again. why if u go to thailand you will discover true love every day with a new woman that will chase you down and beg you to be with her. same in most 3rd world countries. you have to live in such a fake country that fuels fear of prison for fucking the wrong person. so why would anyone want to be in love here in the usa when the women are everywhere begging to meet men from any first world country. now snag a good flip or cuban goddess and you will be in love forever. and if u break up all you got to do is go and get a new one to love. easy as 123 simple as abc. love for self means you dont need love or the best or only one. u just could use a few good ones. if u like yourself u can have any love you want. me... i got a least a dozen waiting for me to return in several countries. that is the sweet life. at 57 i love my life and love my women but i love myself more.

billy, sounds narcisstic & arrogant/self absorbed & @ 57 WOW