Why can't I see it

since coming home from the hospital I've lost even more weight...now even my 'small clothes' are loose. my husband is conceded but I am eating and he sees and knows it... But tonight we were talking about it and I just don't 'see' the weight loss. Does anyone know why or how that happens?!? I still feel HUGE!

I have a follow up appt with my Dr. and will mention it. I resigned from my job today but it was a good choice for me/us right now... My mood has been better since being home from the hospital...but now I guess the weight is my next (forever) hurdle.

I'm trying here people!!!

Thinking of you, LA... ♥ You're going through some rough things right now.. Sending lots of love! :)


LA --that happens to me too, joe said a couple weeks ago (i put the weight back on now) but that i had lost weight-- and i thought i was huge! it is the lies of the ED . it really is god-awful..that is why we need help. who wants to go through life like this? with our minds distorting what we see? mine isnt so bad anymore as im in recovery--but it is still there...the ED thoughts--wow... i dont act upon them, but they do mess my head. thats why i got a therapist. it is important--very...

im so sorry you are going through such pain now--but we are here for you!


oh, l.a. honey---

i'm glad you're home. and i'm glad that you are okay with the decision to resign from your job.

hon, i don't know why being smaller feels like being huger. in the interest of sisterhood and of not being alone, i'll tell you that i feel that too. the mystery astounds me. the feeling is so REAL and so believable. you are not alone.

thank you for this update. i am thinking of you....

It is a real feeling! I feel huge but I know I'm not, but I feel that way anyway.
Oh well - that's why its a support group. We support each other(:

LA...it's good to see you writing! The irony of reality vs. the ED perspective will always be a mystery. Please remember, as is the core of the ED, this also is totally emotionally connected. Until your weight and eating are stabilized for a long enough time for you perspective to change, this will be a struggle. It takes time. I think trying to make it 'make sense', when it's just not going to, makes it harder.
I hope you will be gentle with yourself, and honest with your doctor...and seek out the help that you need...HUGS..Jan ♥


I know exactly where you are coming from. I went back to work today after the summer (I am a teacher) and many of the other staff had to comment on the fact that I have lost "so much" weight since I left at the end of last school year. I, however, cannot see it. When I saw my doctor last week I had him weigh me and I had lost weight since my appointment one month earlier. My first words to him were "I can't believe it" I thought I had gained weight.

I ask myself the same question "Why cannot I not see what everyone else sees?" I feel huge. My doctor suggested I do a body tracing (lie on top of a big piece of paper on the floor and using a magic maker have someone else trace your outline on the paper.) Perhaps seeing your actual image on paper will help you accept your image. I know that I cannot trust what I see in the mirror so it has helped me a little bit.

I am glad that you are taking steps to reduce your stress and concentrate on getting well. I wish you nothing but success.

thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way.


That's one of the hardest things about recovering...you can't always see your true self. But take this as a learning experience.
When you find yourself "looking" larger and feeling horrible about yourself...look at the role ED is playing in your life right now. Is it stronger than normal? If so, it may not be your true image.
I found when going through beginning of recovery, I avoided looking at my naked body so my ED wouldn't have something to criticize. And you know what? When I saw myself with clothes on, I didn't feel I looked as large.
Now that I'm in a healthier place than that I can look at my nude body in the mirror and I find many positives.

And if you don't want to avoid your mirror, then try, when looking at yourself, for every negative thing you find, force 3 POSITIVE things. And stare at those for a long time before going back to the area in question.

Best of luck on recovery, you're doing great!!
Paige xoxo

I love your perspective and advice! Thank you for all of your input!

LA...hang in there, and know that you are understood....HUGS...Jan ♥

I always think the same thing about myself. "Why can't I see it"

I am so glad you can openly talk to your husband. that is so important. I love you and I am praying for you girl.

I wish I had answers but I don't. All I have to give you are affirmations that you are beautiful inside and out.

Just try to hang on to the fact that we often feel larger the less we weigh (partially because our brain function decreases with the weight loss). So, let your rational mind try to use that statistic as fuel against your emotional mind: "I know I feel HUGE right now, but that's probably just an inaccurate perception because my weight is so low," etc. Hope all goes well!