Why feel bad about being alone?

Relationships Communication & Conflict Resolution
1

Hello,

I have been on SG for about 2 years now( off and on) and while I mainly post on the eating disorder site, but I wanted to visit this section of SG.

I have just wondered--why do people feel sad about being alone???
I think it is great! I thrive being alone, I love it, I wouldn't have it any other way.

People are just cruel and judgemnetal and nasty. Why bother? I love being alone cause I am free to be me without worry and pressures of people pleasing. I have had nothing but bad experinces with people, ever since I was little and my mom beat me up and humiliated me and verbally abused me till I was 27 years old. My dad raped me and left my crazy mom to raise me alone. Ever since then, I have become friends with people, only to be betrayed and left crying alone.

My best freinds have backstabbed me, left me , and used me. I had my one best freind who I loved more than anything in the world--betray me so hideously I decided then and there ( 2 years ago) to never befriend anyone else again. I got tired of being treated like crap. When you are nice to people , and give them money and buy people gifts, you get tired of being rejected, made fun of and left to fend for yourself. I am a super loving , giving person. I would do anything for anyone. But I think people in general are awful, and I hate to say that but it is true.

I see it all the time: people being jugded for the way they look, their dress size, what they own, how much money a person makes, people bullying one another, people abusing one another, violence, hatred, conceit, nastiness. All people care about it what you LOOK like , how thin you are, and how much money you make. People are judgemental, shallow, superficial and full of hate. So, why feel bad to be alone? I am overjoyed to be alone.

NO longer do I feel the need to look a certain way ( and heck, Ive gained 12 pounds this year due to hypothyroidism anyway), I dont feel the need to be pressured to fit in anymore. The weight is lifted off my back; the monkey is off my back. I feel free just being me, not having to live up to people's excpectations. I dont have to be judged for the way I look if I dont befriend others.

Yes, I have put a wall up. I dont want to get hurt anymore. I am tired of it! So I decided to live my life without friends or people putting me down. I have a wonderful fiancee and his family, so if I want to talk they are there. But, no more! NO more being hurt. I'm done making friends, I'm done.

I feel so elated not having to worry about peoples opinion's . It is amazing. I feel great being alone. Im not totally alone, I do have my fiancee, but I don't want freinds. I feel safe, and protcted from pain this way. It feels wonderful. I can do whatever I like knowing I wont be judged for looking the way I do or doing what I do. I d much likely befriend mother nature or an animal because they are non judgemental.

And please, dont try to change my mind about this. I love being alone, I flourish in it. I have a couple friends I talk to them sometimes, and that is it. I feel free in this lifestyle.

Thank you for reading, have a good day,

Love
Maureen

2

Hi Maureen, thank you so much for your post and for giving being alone such a positive outlook. I think that it's so important to love yourself and to feel comfortable with being alone, that is for sure. I too have gone through quite the roller coaster ride with friendships; being loved, being hurt, being betrayed. It's been a long road with many bumps along the way and some friendships are still a work in progress. Sometimes it's so much easier and lighter to be alone, because you're so right, you don't have to deal with a lot of the drama that can come with some friendships.

Thank you again for sharing such great insight about being alone, it's so wonderful to have such a positive outlook on it. Hope you're happy and smiling.

3

thanks puppy dog!!! thanks so much… i am --happier this way …and to each their own… LOL i still love people, i just dont really trust them much…

love ya
maureen

4

Hi Chrita33

i've read your post and i agree with you about some of the comments you made about people always falling below your expectations, but your not alone like you said you have a fiance and his family so if you need to talk and need to be with someone for the holidays they are there for you. I don't think we're talking about the same definition of alone.

5

yes, what i am talking about is more of myself seprerating from social gatherings, i guess not being 100 percent alone. i just dont want to be the type of person who is a people person, i am definetly an intorvert and i like it that way… i still love people, i still have some people i talk to , i just feel the wieght is off my back now because i dont have to deal with peoples cruelty. maybe somewhere down the road, ill change my mind, but im not ready now.

thanks hon

love
maureen

6

Sounds like the predators stand out in your life. They seem to have a talent for identifying and exploiting people who need help so maybe you really have had a high, disproportionate number of them in your life.

I find that people are usually too caught up in their own lives to worry about manipulating others. It's human nature to be judgemental but other people's opinions are only my problem if I let it be. That's where your self-worth needs to be strong.

People aren't especially good or evil. The only thing you can count on is that everyone is imperfect. Sooner or later, whether they're manipulative or too wrapped up in their own problems or they just plain make a mistake, anyone and everyone will let you down. You're bound to let down other people too. How we handle those times goes a long way towards whether we're worth bothering with.

7

thanks for your reply. yes ive been victimized a lot and i have had enough… i know people are not perfect, i know i am not, but i just feel that seperating myself from the problems people bring makes me feel lighter, happier, relieved and the ability to be myself and not people please. plus, the majority of people i have meet are just not good people, and i get tired of looking for people who ahve good hearts. i have some freinds, not many, but a few. so im not 100 percent alone. it is just that i dont see myself going to social gatherings or parties , etc. etc, other than my family social events…

thanks

love
maureen

8

You all make such great and wonderful points. In reading through your comments it really makes me evaluate and re-evaluate a very exhausting friendship as of late. I feel so drained after seeing her for the first time in a couple of months. Do you ever just feel and ask; is this really worth it? That's how I am feeling now.

9

Maureen, Your a very wise person at your age. I wish I was like you a lot sooner. I'm probably old enough to be your mother. I was betrayed by my own parents, too. (They are now 84 and 85 and sickly) This happened so many times in my life. They helped break up my marriage with remarks and many times were not kind to my adopted children. But the ultimate betrayal came when I lost my brother at age 35 from suicide. So many things came out that I asked them about, etc... But then a few years later my father decided to trust his brother-in-law. My mom always went along with my father no matter what. I kept telling them this person was a "leopard" they would not believe me. I was not allowed in my own parents home for two and half years (and I was 52 yrs. old). Then my uncle stole everything in their basement and garage, $25,000 and had my father's truck put in his name that he never paid for. Then the ultimate happened, a neighbor took them out to dinner. When they came back the house was "ransacked" everything pulled apart thrown all over. It was my father's brother-in-law. But he could not be "arrested" becasue my father believed this person so much and not his daughter, this person had the key to the house! Yes, before all this I tried getting guardanship of them, etc.., etc.. it's not easy in the State of New Jersey. ETC....
Then the I was married for 30 years, worked three part-time jobs at one time and even once every other month pulled a side job down ata mall. I adopted two children from overseas now in their 20s. Everything that was going on in our family, my husband always took the daughter's side. etc.. She never once passed a vacuum cleaner for me....I could go on and on about this but to be back on track about betrayal......I haven't seen my daughter in 5 years my son in almost a year.....all because of the exhusband.
Then you talk about friends... I, too, gave them gifts, helped them out when they were sick, even babysat their children for free, etc.. But the most hurtful part is I introduced some of my friends to my hobbies and everything turned on me... I'm the person out in left field and everyone else is chummy. I even hide one friend from her husband that was beating her....after they divorced and I introduced her to someone, whom she married... that was the end. She never gave me the time of day after that. Another friend, I was godmother to two ofher children.... I remembered every birthday, every Christmas, first communion etc... In over 20 yrs. of friendship my kids got only one Christmas gift from the family.
I know where you stand Maureen. I, too, have now meet someone very special, he has helped me survive. But I,too, have a hard time "trusting" people.... and now you know why. I wish I had your back bone a lot sooner. I , too, do not want to get involved in groups of women anymore.

10

Hi Kitty Bella, thank you so much for sharing your story and all that you have been through. I think that you are so incredibly strong for going through all that you have gone through and coming out on the other end of it like you have. And, I am so happy to hear that you are in a wonderful relationship now. Would you mind my asking how you two met? I really love to hear love stories, as they give me hope :-)

I truly believe that people come into your life for a "reason, season or lifetime". That's what gives me so much peace of mind. I have been hurt time and time again by both men and women, and I can't quite understand why. So, the "Reason, Season, or Lifetime" really helps bring me a lot of peace.

I wanted to share this with you and hope that it brings you some peace and happiness;

"Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown"

11

Thank you for sending me out that poem. I have one taped to my desk, "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us as we live" -- Norman Cousins. Just wanted to share it with you.

I met this special person on Plenty of Fish. I was tired of all these men (at the time I was 54) who were bald and overweight. (I have a few extra pounds, too) They all wanted this "Barbie" girlfriend, they didn't care about your personality or intelligence.

So my line was, I'm not Barbie and your not Ken!! LOL Well, I ended up meeting Ken!! LOL But remember you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you met your Prince!! Best Wishes, Thank you for sharing!!! Oddly, we both came from long marriages, his was 20 yrs., mine was 30 yrs. Your whole world changes when you divorce. It's a very hard time, but also a very good time to look at yourself and see what you really are made of.

12

Wow Kitty Bella, I think that it is so wonderful that you two found one another, what a beautiful love story. And, you are so right in that we do have to kiss a lot of frogs to get to prince charming, I do believe that. My spiritual guide told me that I have to go through certain things, date certain men, in order to get to the right one. And, I asked; why can't I just by-pass all of that and get to my one, I am done with the wrong and so ready for the right. She told me that it's not up to me. I know that I am fated to have certain men in my life and they each serve a purpose. Just like you and your significant other had to go through long marriages before coming together. I am truly so happy for you and wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness together.

Please keep sharing with us, it's so great having you here :-)

13

wow kitty

im so sorry what happened to you. i ended up beinf crippled and deathly ill just a week after i posted this, oh how i wish i cold return to the time i wrote this oh god) but yes i still stand where i stand. im crippled, cant function, bed ridden , have 10 health conditions going on and im being tested for cancer soon. great, huh? ughhhhhhhhhhhh this is the worst 2 motnhs of my life. the worst. i thought i had it bad before.

gee i cant wait to get the cancer screenings done, geez i have enough health problems. i miss walking . so much.

so anyways my faincee who i thought was great turned on me and started to abuse me when i got ill. very verbally abuseive , humiliating, beratting, controlling emotionally abusive, violent even but didnt hit me.

soooooooooo yeah now my trust is broken totally. just totally broken. oh hell be ok sometimes but hell snap. my life is falling apart at the seams and i dont know what to do.

i just wish i was healhty enough to leave but i cant walk, so how do i walk out the door. like i said i have no one everyone betrayed me so i dont have anywhere else to go. i need my doctors here they are great.

so another betrayal , one so big it might just make me loney in the head. well im already looney from the torture pain i go thru every day. oh if people only knew how lucky they are to have health, be able to wlak, move ur arms and do little thing i cant do, they wouldnt take life for granted.

thanks kitty for sharing that. ys people are judgemental asses, ughhhhhhhhhhh 95 percent are. i do want a freind though i mean geez i do belive in being lonely but being so ill id like to have one or 2 friends . something . not a lot of friends cuz people do suck but a couple would be nice.

love ya n hugz
maureen

14

Have you ever thought of packing up and going to a Women's Shelter. They will help you with all your medical problems to see that you get to the doctor. I would not stay in that abuse, especially if you are not well.
There is help out there and remember God helps those who help themselves. So start looking in the telephone book, under hotlines and start calling. Get out......give yourself time and you will find yourself.
Best wishes you will be in my prayers.

15

Maureen, how are you doing today and how are things progressing after the weekend? Were you able to make calls today in order to see what your options are for help? KittyBella gave such good suggestions and is so right, you need to get out. I bet that your ailments are only worsened by the stress that this man brings upon you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

16

Kitty Bella:

I just found this website. I don't know if you will be alerted by email if someone posts on your comments. Since you wrote this in July 2011, it's a long shot that you'll see this. I am 58 years old and a military veteran. I have four children and three are "adult disabled children." I felt like reading your story I was reading my own story in many ways. I don't get into social situations hardly at all for all the reasons you posted. However, I am lonely without "friends." If you would like to be a "pen pal" maybe we can support each other emothionally.

I hope this post finds it's way to you somehow.

Military mama

17

sure, military,

id like to be pen pals. lol… hmmm i wish i WISH i could go back in time to when i wrote this post, when i was healthy, wheni could WALK when i wasnt soooooooooooooooooo crippled and ill, when i could use my arms and be active and not tortured in pain. ugh.

i miss that… a lot. losing freinds is awful but what is worse than anything is losing ur health.

love
maureen

18

You have made an error in logic. You are never alone, you are joined by those who suffer like you do and those of us here who care about your day to day struggle. So ha! Just being a little silly and truthful. I love being alone to, great post!