Why ME? Why US? Feeling sad

I want help, I need help, I feel hopeless. There has got to be a cure or just a better day for me and for you.

Sadly, there is never a cure. When I die, my anorexia, will be buried with me!

:( SS

You are NOT GOING TO DIE FROM THIS YOU JUST WONT AND NEITHER WILL I!!! There are bad days and there are some good days. We need to be the ones to overcome this terrible, controlling, horrible feeling diease we have. You will NOT DIE YOU WILL GET BETTER. WE JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT FOR OUR KIDS AND SOMEDAY GRAND KIDS WE WANT TO HOLD AND LOVE. Trust me when I say this I have been a bolimic for 10 years and the past 5 years my weight has biminished to the lowest weight i could possibley be. I never thought this could happen to me. Or anyone but it does and I know it hurts physically and mentally. I was hospitalized for this for over a week from passing out in my front yard standing there talking to a neighbor and waking up in an ambulance rushing me to the hospital do to lack of potassium and magnissium and more nutrients we could imagine. I thought the time I was going to be in there would get me better and help me gain some weight. But the day they let me go home they put me on the scale and i had lost 4lbs more from when i went in. Then that was the day i thought this was the ending for me. But my body and mind was not going to give up as of then. So i kept losing till my body got weak and tiered. Then my family that I have not seen for 4 years mom and dad and sister and brother and so did not even recconize me and my mother grabbed my face and started crying and saying oh jenn what have you done to yourself. She said I looked old and helpless and brittle. I had to leave so I did and I just came back from phx. az. last friday with all that hurt and disappointment with me. This week I feel a bit sad and depressed and comsumed with thoughts of our enemy. I told my husband that the bathroom calls my name. The blanket of guilt having anything in my stomach is a thought of feeling terrible. I see a doctor and a phsycoligist every week. Do i think it helps no not really but it is someone to share my thoughts with. There has to be a better life for us then this. We have the right to be here just as anyone else does. Do we want people to look at us as if we are sick? NO I DONT CAUSE IT’S EMBARRISSING WHEN SOMEONE WALKS UP TO ME AND ASKS DO YOU HAVE CANCER OR ARE YOU TERMANALLY ILL. I hide and get mad at myself for this. My kids thank god do not live at home accept for my one son age 16 and he over towers me and hugs me and says MOM i love you please dont go anywhere. I tell him everything is going to be just fine and I am getting better even though i know im not just yet. I started out very heavy and now I am very very light. My friends say jenn if we had a wind storm you would fly away with it lol. I take that as another put down on my list. All my life it was jenn lose weight or your gonna have a stroke or heart attack, or diabetis. Now they say jenn your starving youself to death. I dont see it they do. Where did our HAPPY MEDIUM GO? WHY DIDNT WE HIT THE TARGET? I want people too look at me and think she is a healthy vibrant, sweet person. Not oh my god she is so sick.
So we need to be the ones honey dont say that cause that is more scary to know what we are going to miss out on then anything.
hugs and good luck you can wipped this and so can I. It helps a lot to talk to someone with the same problem more so then someone who doesnt and looks at you with such sorryness.
Please try with me.
jenn

I believe Anorexia is as real as cancer. I also know, how hard it is to stay "cured." I have had this disease ever since, I was 16 years old. I am now 57 years old, and holding my two month old grand-daughter in my arms. She is one of four. I also have three children. I have won many battles, but the war is never over. I do believe we can live and learn how to control this disorder, but I really don't think, we ever overcome it.

Love and hugs,
SS.

You are absolutely right. Have had this ED since I was 28 years old . and Now i am 43 soon to be 44 yrs old. This year has been the worst for me only to live the hardest days of my life losing more weight then i have ever. I was told the other day I looked very sick and can you imagin how that made me feel? of course you can anyone that has this Ed knows how it takes your life and turns it upside down and distorts the way a person can look. And Before I had a nice full face and now all you see is my face sunk in and cheek bones sticking out. My sister who has not seen me since I have gotten bad said to me last week when i went home for the first time in 4 years do to hiding from family cause of this. She said JennJenn when i look at the side of your face i see nothing but you cheek bones and sunk in eyes. My mom said i looked OLDER THEN I SHOULD AT MY AGE. Then she CRYED HYSTARICALLY and that is when it hit me I dont see jenn fat in the mirror today i do see the face they see and that was the most scary site to me. Now I have not looked in the mirror at all today cause now i am scared of what i look like. The worst part is when i go to bed at night and lay down on my bed, I have to use body pillows to lay on so my bones do not ache from my mattress. I lost 139 lbs and yes that is a whole normal person now I ware size 12 in girl clothes and i do not mean juniors. People look at me when i try things on and they stare like i am a freak or i have a termanal illness yes as you said cancer. But then I usally get approached by people and they straight out ask me do you have an ED. I deny it and say its just my body makeup how i was ment to be. I know they dont believe that but it better then saying yes i do have an ED so they can feel sorry for me. No that is NOT WHAT I WANT. I feel sorry for me and hate the monster that has and is attacking me everyday i am here. I look up to the sky and say GOD PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU PLEASE HELP THIS SUBSIDE JUST A BIT SO I CAN BREATH WITHOUT FEELING THE BLAKET OF GUILT. let me eat something so i can get some energy to go out today and get things done. PLEASE GIVE ME ONE GOOD DAY AND WE WILL WORK ON THE NEXT DAY.
I AM YERNING FOR HOPE AND A BREAK EVEN IF ITS A SMALL ONE FROM THE MONSTER THAT HAS CRASHED INTO MY LIFE WITHOUT WARNING.
HUGS TO ALL OF YOU WHO IS BATTELING AS I AM. THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMEKING OF LITE AT THE MIDDLE OR MYBE THE END OF THIS LONG EXHAUSTING TUNNEL WE ARE STUCK IN.
GOD BLESS YOU AND ONLY POSSITIVE THINKING AS MANY TELL ME WILL GET ME THROUGH THIS. I LAUGH AND SAY WALK IN MY SHOES FOR JUST 5 MIN. THEN TELL ME THAT.
GOOD LUCK AND WE WILL WIN SOME WAY SOME HOW.
JENN

i think we have to be careful about this, ss. there is definitely people on here that did overcome ED and that should not be taken from them. it is down to approach and atitude as well as interpretation as to what means recovery.
i myself am not sure yet if i can ever full get away from ED but i see women on here who i sincerely believe can do it. at the same time i totally respect your own experience with your ED and i can absolutely understand your point of view.
but there is hope for a life without ED, for everyone who wants it!!

love
maedi

I believe you. I had a best friend at once a potta time. Who had ED and she was the one who showed me the evil ways and hands on experiance only cause she showed me what i could look like after seeing her lose weight and looking great. Now I sit here with a worse ED and missed my HAPPY MEDIUM she had hit right on the target. WHAT HAPPEND TO MY BULLSEYE? YES she over came it and now she know about me. she wont see me or talk to me beacause of her guilt she has for me. I DONT WANT HER PITTY PARTY. I JUST WANT HER TO BE SORRY THAT IS ALL. I think friends showing friends things like that end up in the future having concenqences sometime in there life. She now has siezer once or twice a week and had to give up her life to move back in with her parents to take care of her and the doctors say it was the outcome of her ED cause of the damage that took place before. I pray for her and wish her the best and I DO FEEL SORRY FOR HER. I never wanted anything to happend years later to her. But she had me believe in her and i did. It was like the game we all played as kids. MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO. Now look at me, i am sick and not feeling dehumanized in a way i cant look in the mirror of afraid of what i see.
I am so thankful for the people who over came there ED and that does give me some hope but like the lady above says she doesnt think it ever just goes away totally and completely. I LIVE DAY BY DAY AND ASK GOD TO HELP ME MUSTER UP SOME BETTER FEELINGS AND ASK THE BATHROOM NOT TO CALL OUT MY NAME TODAY. SO I SHUT ALL BATHROOMS IN MY HOUSE AND BREATH.
THAT IS WHAT IT IS LIKE FOR ME.
I WILL BELIEVE THIS WILL GET A BIT BETTER FOR ME WITH GODS HELP AND OTHERS THAT BELIEVE THAT IS WILL GET BETTER FOR ME.
HUGS AND HOPE IS A TURE BEGINING FOR ALL OF US.
JENN