Why my life at work sucks

So, I am a male victim of sexual harassment at work. I was leery about coming forward, but I did, HR investigated and determined that yes, I was a victim. Sadly this is where the problems start.

Instead of transferring the woman who harassed me to another locations ( I work for the State) they left her 3 cubicles away. There is a cease and desist order/no contact order in place, yet we share a lunch room, break room, smoking areas. The stress/anxiety is horrible. I've been to my psychiatrist who has me on Klonopin to deal with the anxiety and to try and get some sleep ( i get 3-4 hours now)

All my requests to have her moved have been denied. I currently have a request being reviewed by the commissioner, but it's not expected that she will overrule HR/legal.

I'll be quitting my job next week to prevent any further deterioration of my mental health.

I don't know if anyone even reads these forums or cares, so I thought I'd share.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's good that you are seeing someone and even better that you reported her. Hopefully, others will come forward as well, since I'm sure it's not the first time it's happened. It seems strange for me to think of women as being predators, but I know we are. Leaving your job seems like the only way you will be able to settle yourself mentally. I know it would be too hard for me to even go to work let alone report it, you are very strong to have done so.
Have you thought about speaking with an attorney? I believe you could get some help there with what they aren't doing for you at work, not to mention pain and suffering. If you would like to talk I've got a pretty good ear. Email me if you would like to.

I've seen two lawyers, what I have for a case is, well not good. I am awaiting a confirmation from the Commissioner that she also refuses to reverse the decision of HR/State department of Personnel before quitting. I sent an 8 page letter clearly and graphically explaining the harm that is being caused to me, daily by this situation. The Commissioner has yet to respond. And sure, i'd love to chat, I have no idea how to figure out your email, I'll try the PM link.

Thanks for your reply

If you'd like...Ill hate them right along with you!
I took mine thru the EEOC and eventually ended up in a hearing within the DOAH. Its been miserable! I have PTSD now thanks to the whoredogs that harassed me every day (grrr) and the retaliation after I reported them was unreal. But, as I told them on the way out the door.." I will see you in court over this"
These cases haven't progressed much since almost everyone settles. How can anything change if they keep being dismissed or mediated?
I feel this way, everytime one of thses cases are settled with money, we lose rights by not asserting them. But I also know first hand the stress as well. For me, I have no nerves left to destroy so I'm good!I did what I said. I had my day in court, I was ruthless and raw. Yes, I won on sexual harassment but lost on jurisdictional matters but still...I had my day before that Judge!
YOU HANG IN THERE.You can survive this!
-ONE

I can't believe they won't at least move her to another area. It shocks me that they know the harrassment exists, but won't do anything else about it. I understand your thoughts of quitting, and although its not the best solution, can they move you? I just hate to see you lose your job over some b*tch that can't control herself. it goes right up my a**. I was sexually harrassed at work and didn't want to say anything but someone else overheard and told my boss. I'm glad now because even know they didn't fire him, they told him he is not allowed in the area that I work in, can't contact me and if he sees me in another area he has to walk away.
I've never had another issue with him. I also think that I earned some respect with the people he works with. Hang in there, YOU ARE BETTER than that witch, don't let her get the best of you.

ssgiggler

It sounds like your HR Dept. is not taking this seriously, but you have other options.

The system is not set up to help victims of sexual harassment. If you've already left the abusers you work for and resigned your position every lawyer you talk to will refuse to take your case (no matter how much evidence you present).

By the way, depending on where you live (south Florida in particular) forget about getting help from the EEOC or the DOJ. The lawyers mislead you for a buck and the entities put in place to help and investigate are slow and careless. They loose files, lie to you, take years to investigate, and could essentially care less about the abuse you are forced to endure to obtain help.

Some Info I posted to a NOW blog to Fill you in if you have time (By the way they told me it's too late to really "do anything"to help me.) In fact they called me up and got quite nasty as to why I didn't call them sooner. My answer I didn't know I should. I've never been through this before. The woman questioned how committed I was and told me I should have "gone down to my Fire Chief's office when I was deathly sick in my final days of employment and videotaped myself urinating, coughing, and vomiting all over the Chief's desk". Said, that would be "commitment". There was more said, but that's for another day. Here's the brief synopsis of almost three years of hell:

Comment from: Sleepless in Broward [Member]
We are no where near where we thought we were. I am living proof. I am a female Firefighter-EMT-P with eight years experience. The last three spent with a small department and city in Broward county Florida where sick, twisted, negative, anti-female comments and behavior are the accepted norm. Stations are still adorned with thonged bikin "bare ***" female cuban coffee mugs, risque female posters on walls, sculpted male frozen penis cucumber forms fashioned to ejaculate, rubber penis and balls, etc. I reported sexual har***ment to a Lieutenant and that same Lieutenant walked in the female restroom, while I was in a stall using the toilet. I've had my bedroom door opened three times, while changing, I've had my picture taken, while resting on my lunchbreak and posted to their Facebook account. The Union Divisional Vice President (one of my primary named har***ers) wrote "Sleeping Piggy" under it. They har***ed me for almost three years. Everything that happened was reported to HR and HR found a way to ignore, discount, and downplay everything. The Florida EEOC took so long "getting to my case" that my Ex Civil attorney asked for the Right to Sue notices. Just before those were issued someone with access to my breathing gear on the engine tied down my equipment with a bungee cord to the inside of the engine rendering it inaccessible in the event of an emergency. When I reported the tampering my har***ers, the city, and fire admin, got two of their "friends" at the Broward Sheriff's Office to "investigate" the tampering. The same day I reported the incident they later called our whole crew down for DNA swabs and questioning. They kept me in a room by myself for approximately four hours, while my male co-workers hung out in the lobby on the other side of the door. The whole process took about six hours and after hours of interrogating me I was released with my crew at almost midnight. I don't even have parking tickets! I have never been in trouble with the law, but these personal friends of my fire department har***ers were yelling at me and accusing me of "possibly tying up my own gear to shore up my civil case". I ***ured them I would never do that and that I had enough proof of the sexual har***ment and retaliation, but they just kept yelling at me and telling me I didn't seem trustworthy. A letter was written to their boss (the head sheriff) and I had to take an independent polygraph to prove my own innocence. I found the two detectives Facebook friend lists had two of my primary named fire department har***ers names were on there and one of them had pictures of his face buried in some females breasts, while one of his other male friends held this women up in the air by her arms. She did not look happy about this. The city placed me into a "Non-paid status" for thrity days, ripped through my vacation and sick time and ignored my e-mails. I made 21 requests for information about my proper date of return, if temporary administrative re-***ignment could be made while they investigated the tampering, what the update was on the case, and other important administrative requests for information. The city ignored me and alienated me. Towards the end of the thirty days at the end of May 2011 I was diagnosed with severe bronchitis and went to the hospital. The doctor gave me five different medications and advised me to see a specialist in 7-14 days if things did not improve. I immediately notified the city and sent over the hospital discharge paperwork. I asked for extended FMLA leave. They ignored me. All they said about the hospital paperwork was "fax received". The last civil attorney I was working with knew I was very ill to, but just kept telling me to go back and "GI Jane it out". She said, "you need to go back and have them fire you for something that would be deemed illegitimate by the courts." She said, "if you don't go back (even though you're ill) and they fire you for being AWOL your case wouldn't be "worth squat". She withdrew from my case right before I resigned. The same day. I could not "go back" I was in danger. I didn't want to be "fired" and called AWOL for the first time in my life (based on my ex-lawyer's bad advice) and I knew that if I "resigned under duress" I might be able to at least get unemployment and move on with some level of dignity. I took the best of the worst options and resigned under duress in fear for my life, safety and well being. I told the unemployment people my whole story and they found in my favor, but now I was a little fish trying on my own to fight the city because they appealed the unemployment decision and I no longer had an attorney. I had to go find someone and was having a tough time. Sexual har***ment attorneys (I was told) don't like cases where you haven't A "been physically touched" or B "wrongfully discharged". The temporary attorney I found was well out gamed by the slick Assistant City Attorney. They submitted next to nothing initially for documentation. They filed for two continuances. The first to go over "the voluminous amount of information" I submitted and the second just after I gave my recorded testimony. They let me go through my portion and then asked the phone referee for a continuance based on the fact that the "Human Resource Manager had to go to a city commission meeting and that they had only allotted an hour for the phone hearing". The phone referee allowed them to pull this obvious stunt. They spent two whole weeks coming up with ways to twist and bend my submitted information and testimony. Every time the city attorney would speak she side tracked my inexperienced lawyer. Pulled him off his train of thought and ran right over the top of him. They frazzled both of us and it showed. The phone hearing was closed. One day later the phone referee reversed the original decision and now I have no income. I wrote a fifty page corrective document to address all of the factual errors the Appeals Referee made. They're were a lot and it was a strong indicator to me that he did not do his reading with the information I sent. I gave a lot of proof of the har***ment and retaliation. Submitted photos and e-mails and text messages. I established a long term pattern of har***ment and retaliation that led up to the tampering of my equipment and he managed to ignore it all. At this point the Florida Appeals Commission has all documentation, tape recordings, picture evidence, and the fifty page corrective memorandum. I am waiting to hear if they will vote in my favor, reverse the Appeals referee's decision and give me the pittance that is rightfully mine. I have to attack my retirement account to stay afloat and once I do that will never be able to be a part of the Florida Retirement System ever again. I have right to sue letters issued by the Department of Justice, but have not found a descent lawyer to help me navigate this process. The last attorney I had even said to me, "Why did your last civil attorney give you such bad advice? When you submitted your legitimate doctor's note you were covered. If they fired you for being AWOL at that point it would have been wrongful termination. So eight years of hard training, dedication, and a love of my work serving others as a Firefighter-EMT-Paramedic and now at 37 I am starting over. I miss my work and can't believe that there is so very little help for victims of this kind of har***ment. I can't believe we are still so far behind. Check out youtube.com "Female firefighter and har***ment" search criteria. We made a video while I was going through some of this as sort of a form of therapy. We covered all city identifiers, but I'm sure those in the wrong saw some of what I have against them. It really only scratches the surface though. It's the tangible things that courts and people in general look for. It doesn't begin to scratch the surface of the scars from the abuse. It doesn't address the number of times my har***er walked p***ed me singing "It's the final countdown" or the snyde under the breathe comments. The feeling of having your conversation cut off mid sentence like you're not even in the room or the sick stomach you get every time your mistreated in front of patients on a call. It doesn't account for the numerous times your contribution to the team is ignored or the feeling you get when your co-workers bully you because they were told to. When newer probationary employees talk over and talk down to you despite your seniority or the theft of your things from your locker that get ignored. The injuries certain co-workers cause you with their lack of care or concern for your well being. The video just scratches the surface. I am so blessed to have made it out of hell, but the feeling something has been stolen stays with me. Every person or organization that has been in a position to help has failed. The mechanisms in place are not enough. Especially when dealing with government entities in south Florida. I wrote to the NOW chapter down here recently and asked for help. I have heard nothing. Channel seven WSVN Carmel Cafiero's producer was given the information. A few at Sun Sentinel were notified. The overwhelming response is "there's nothing for us here". I can't really understand it. You've got one female firefighter- paramedic having her gear tampered with during an EEOC investigation. Half a department being investigated for wrongdoing and swabbed for DNA and yet there's no public interest story here? The video on youtube has over 1,000 hits so someone's paying attention. I guess it just hasn't been the right someone