Where did myself go- I have seemed to lose her along the way. Between these obsessive thoughts and taking away my needs, I lost her.

I used to be strong and know who I was. I used to like what I looked like. I used to just enjoy hot chocolate. Why did that disappear?

Why does the media say I should be thin? Why do I love my bones more than my flesh? Why do I love the high I get when I starve? Why do I starve?

Why do I feel guilt when I eat and drink? Why do I see someone else in the mirror? Why do I cry when my weight increases or my jeans feel tight? Why don't I cry?

Why do I change what other people say? Why do I see things more negatively? Why is it that my mirror is foggy? Where did I go, am I there?

Why do I count everything that passes my lips? Why do I get upset when it was more than I thought? Why do I shy away from my fears? Why do I do this to myself?

Chaotic thoughts paired with saddened eyes I seek. An empty stomach I strive for. Does she share my pain? Or maybe her. Why is she thinner than me? Why can't I be beautiful too? Why can't I love myself like I used to? Why do I do this to myself?

Alle, just remember God loves you more than you can even comprehend. And he accepts you just as you are. If you need a friend just msg me. Love, Jay

wow! very well said Allee. I wish I could express myself that well. Your words describing a person lonely and depressed. I've fell there so many times. I find it helps to stay in a positive atmosphere, with people that encourage you to be who you are. I'm sure you know the difference. Stay strong and keep writing... love your words. They helped me...

allee...those 'whys' can stop you cold in your tracks. I believe that with some issues it's vital to know the 'whys', but sometimes, it's not, and moving forward will actually eventually reveal some answers...but that will happen naturally. The need to know and have answers and certainty is strong...I know it...but please try to take 'today', 'right now', and move forward from there...you can do this, and I am behind you 100%
HUGS...Jan ♥

Hello allee,

I am 53 years old and I used to starve on diets and feel exactly like you feel. I think that the most important thing to do is to express ourselves --- just like you are doing. We need to accept ourselves the way we are, and stop comparing with sisters, friends or models,or how men would like us to look. Creative agressivity (daring confrontation, taking our place)might be helpful. I am the one who keeps on asking questions, jsut like you, and this is a sign of being open and intelligent. Now I try to replace the "why" by "how" ("How will I chose to think and act, now ? "

Try to repeat every day that we are ok the way we are. Everyone has is own strenghts and limits. Everyone is part of the garden, unique and different. Acceptation, compassion, sharing the bad and good moments. At 53, since July 19, I have been tryng to eat just normally, simply three meals a day. Proteins, bread, pasta, fruits, vegetables, dairy, and something sweet in the night. And I do not success every day but I feel I am in the right behavior... We all need to put colours in our dishes: energy, good tasting food, mummy food. Bread is ok. Trying to eat normally did not solve my problem of eating at 2 o'clock in my bed, but this is not that dramatic.. We can be proud of writing each other, because helping each other is even sweeter than food. Emotional food: compassion, caring, sharing.

Hope this helps. If not, the intention was there !

allee i ahve thought like you are thinking and let me tell you this will just end you up in misery...

really... yes i think you should change your whys to who do i feel this way in the first place??? and see what goes from there. and list who you are without your image looks--who you are on the inside.

the media is nothing but a LIAR alle---it is not rue . all they want is your money so they make you feel bad about how you look so you cant give them money! it is not what really is beautiful although can be decieving to many women ...the trick here is to ignore those messages and turn inward on your inner joy.

i will write a post on the media soon, and its lies when this hell virus is over---yes i am still sick...ugh

just know i am here for you , and you are wonderful, and greatness, dont have to change a freakin thing...


All of you are so kind and helpful to each other. I hope I can join in and make some new friends here and help others as well.