Why?

Why did my life end up the way it has....???

Why have I lost the last 12 years of my life to ed...???

Why can't I just eat what I want to eat....???

Why do I have consuming thoughts of guilt EVERY MINUTE OF EVERDAY....????

Why do I look at myself like I am not good enough....???

Why aren't I normal...???

What caused me to be this way?? There are so many questions yet no real answers to any of them. There are many ideas as to why my life turned out the way it did..
- My dad is an alcoholic
- My mom had an eating disorder which still manifests in herself and she suffers from depression
- I lost my best friend to an accident
- During a camping trip, my friends got in an accident...one died, one lost his leg, and one walked away scott free....
- I experienced a....comprimising....uncomfortable situation..
- My parents dislike eachother and I am the outlet for their anger....they each talk to me about the other
- I basically was a mum to my younger siblings when I was living at home
- I was always expected to be the best
- My father had cancer and is luckily in remission (pray to God for this....)
- I was compared, contrasted, and scrutinized by family members about my shape and size
- My extended family shut my family out for various reasons

Did any of these cause my ed? I may never know....I can only learn from the past and try to answer the biggest question of all....WHY?

I think about the same stuff all the time, I don't think we will ever really know what caused our ED. I do believe all those situations were at least triggers for me. I do wish I could find the core of WHY.

Lifes struggles and hard times help mould the wonderful person you have become. Sommetimes lifes lessons while difficult not only teach you what you want but also what you don't want and who you don't want to be

You always know how to make me smile :)