Will I ever get back to my normal self

For about 2 years now, I have been struggling with my weight. Since I have had a weight loss, it has become an issue for my health, expecially my bones. It hasn't been easy, but I do realize that I have also been stuggling with ED. I have seen special doctors that have monitered my weight and gave me tips to gain. There were a couple of times where I did gain a couple extra pounds... but now I feel like I am back-tracking and going in the wrong direction again. I realize that if I could just gain a few extra pounds then my body could get back to being healthier. It is just hard for me to do this, especially because my family is still having a difficult time understanding my ED, leading to arguments. Also, it is hard because I like to stay active and sometimes over due it. I have heard that a medication might help to take away some of the anxiety that I am feeling about this, but I have always been the type of person who does not prefer medication. I feel like I can overcome this on my own... but it has been almost 2 years and I am almost back to my lowest point again. It is not where I want to be, I just wish that everything could go back to being normal for me.

1 Heart

Hi Smile, welcome to the site. I'm glad to hear that you are unhappy with your current situation and are ready to make healthy changes! It seems like you really understand that your body will be happier and healthier if you were to gain some weight, but I also know how hard it is to do that.

The thing is, if it were just simply about the weight it would be fairly easy to put weight on-- you'd just eat more every day until your body was at its healthiest point. But eating disorders are not just about weight and food. Inside you there is a struggle going on between what your brain knows is healthiest for you and what the eating disorder is telling you to do. And as much as you might WANT to put on a few pounds and find balance with your exercise, something inside of you is preventing you from being able to do that.

Have you been through any professional therapy? If you have, it may be time to schedule some more appointments. And if you haven't, a professional therapist will be able to help you understand why you have developed an eating disorder. He or she will work with you to take power away from ED and restore it to the real you, the one who wants to be healthy and happy.

In regards to the medicine, there ARE medicines that can help you with anxiety, but I agree with you, you CAN do this on your own. I took anxiety medicine for several years, and when I stopped taking them and truly felt the feelings of recovery, that's when my recovery shot through the roof and I made the most progress. I had been covering up my feelings and numbing them with medicine, and looking back it was no different than what I was doing through starvation.

I have been seeing a therapist at the college I go to, and I am able to connect to her really well. Thanks so much for the advice, just hearing some extra words of support helps me to stay positive. I really do want to make the healthy changes that my body needs, but it just seems like I can’t get the right balance.

I had this really great response all written out, and then I got logged out and it got lost. Let me try this again.

So first, I'm super happy to hear that you are seeing a therapist; having someone to talk to feels SOOOO good, doesn't it? Just being heard, someone listening, someone validating the way you feel... it's awesome.

Balance is something most of us probably struggle with. We're not sure how much food is just right, how much exercise is just right, or when things will just feel normal again. But chances are you will be experiencing balance long before you actually FEEL it. Sometimes it's hard to see our own progress, and oftentimes we don't notice how far we've come until someone points it out.

I totally support posting positive recovery experiences as well as your frustrations. It's uplifting to see other people kicking ED's ***, and it's overall encouraging. For example, you are seeing a therapist, and that is FANTASTIC and it's worth a happy dance and a little praise. :)

Keep putting in the hard work.

It is helpful talking to my therapist because we are able to connect, but when it comes to my parents, especially my mom, well that is another story. I feel like she wants to undestand... but yet she just doesnt know how to. I feel like she says the wrong things sometimes and it causes us to argue. Almost all of our arguments have been about ED. I think that it may slowly be getting better... but I just feel like she isn't supporting me in the way that she should be, it that just causes it harder for me to make the changes that I need to. Especially right now, since I am living back at home for the summer.

Have you also struggled with ED? You sound like you have some experience with this type of situation, but that is helpful to me, having someone to talk to about it and really get it. All the encouragement is super motavational for me, especially right now, feeling like im loosing ground again.

Yes, Smile, I have struggled with an eating disorder. I was diagnosed in 2007 with anorexia and began getting help in 2008. Ever since then I’ve been in recovery, and I’m really doing well.

I understand about it being weird to talk to your mom. Sometimes the issues we struggle with involve our family members and those closest to us, so talking with those people can be really awkward and painful.

In my support group we have family night once a month, and family members always ask, “What can I do to help? What should I say? What kinds of things should I NOT say?” Our family members love us and want us to be healthy, but they just don’t know how to help. But something cool I noticed is that every single parent who has come to family night has admitted that what they really want is for their child to say, “Mom, Dad, this is what you can do to support me. And these are the things that really cause problems for me.” And then to tell their parent what they can do to help. It was great because the child got to say what they wanted and needed, and the parent didn’t have to guess anymore.

How would it be if you made a list of things that were helpful to your recovery and a list of things that hinder your recovery and presented them to your mom? Just a candid, open conversation about your recovery?

Heather! Happy dance and praise! Love that! ♥

Smile, ah... My mom always seems to say the wrong things, too... :0/ It's frustrating to BOTH of us... I used to think that my depression was partly to blame, as I used to get snippy quite often. But... With my meds, I am no longer snippy. So... My mom's comments are annoying in their own right! LOL! It's hard for others to understand or to know what to say... And things are complicated further because a lot of the lack of understanding fed right into the ED to begin with... It's a lot of rubbish to sort through. I'm glad you're seeing a counselor that can help you with that process. Keep working at it! And cut yourself some slack... Patience may be your strongest ally in recovery. ♥

Love,

Jen

Thanks, hopeful! (by the way... I love the name!!) :)

Most of the arguments that I have with my mom have been about food... and it is frustrating because I think that most of my anxiety is because of that! I also tend to get snippy very easily with her... I don't mean to... but it isn't easy for me to control it because I just wish that she would be able to understand better.

Heather,

I LOVE that idea! I never tell my mom what bothers me about her comments... And we both end our conversations frustrated and upset. She, because she always seems to say the wrong thing and doesn't know what TO say. And me, because I can't believe how she can think these things ARE appropriate... What I really need to tell her is that I need her to LISTEN to me. I need her to stop NAGGING me. She doesn't need to caution me about my finances or weight or clothing size. She doesn't need to add HER concerns about what I should or should not be doing to my own. It just compounds my frustration and puts the focus BACK onto making HER happy. A big part of my recovery involves NOT thinking about what would make her happy! That might sound selfish, but I've spent so much of my life trying to do that, I've lost sight of WHAT I want... I need separation from her. I need space and "permission" to think about myself without pressure from her to be a certain way or do things a certain way.

Whew---

Sorry to turn then onto me... That really helped! Now, if I could only get up the nerve to tell HER. ♥

Jen

Hopeful, I agree with you 100%!! I also need to work on what makes ME happy and not just my mom... WE can do it!!

The planning part does sound helpful and I will be open to trying it in the future when I find it useful, especially with my mom and our arguments. Lately, it seems like we haven't been arguing as much as we used to... but I think that is because I haven't really been bringing up the issue about my weight to her directly. When she asks if I have gained any weight, I usually just say I'm not sure because weighing myself does not help me to improve... but sometimes I do step onto the scale... but nothing is changing... and it isn't getting any better no matter how hard it seems that I am trying... it just isn't changing and it keeps getting me down because I want it to get better, I really do... but I think im fooling myself because I don't know how it can when I am still being almost as active as I used to be and not eating as much as I should be. I want to make the changes that my body needs... but something just isn't right

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