Wish i could be like the other grls my age not struggling with this daily battle

I'm new to the website I can't even believe I'm posting in it. I'm not one to complain or express my emotions a lot so actually writing out that I'm suffering from binge eating is almost like a reality check for me I just thought it was something that happened once nd would go away but after a year of doing this first monthly now its weekly its obviously something that's not going away and I know I can't live with this struggle forever its already taking a emotional toll on me. This past year I moved out of miami temporarily to my parents house. I fell into a small depression that has just gotten worse when the binging began. I started working out I was 135 got to 123. Everytime I plan on visiting my old friends in miami I am able to go without binging I work out everything is fine even when I'm there I eat normal I feel like I'm back in my old daily routine I had. then I get back home nd its all downhill. I binge til I start vomiting my body aches the next day then I'm miserable I cancel plans with my friends all I do is cry til I get back to my ideal weight. Its such a fear of gaining weight or trying my clothes on nd not fitting. My mother she doesn't kno but has seen my emotional state she thinks its because I'm not happy living where I am that's a reason but what makes me want to stay in my room crying hiding from everyone is this ed. I'm moving back to miami in 2 months I just wanted to know if anyone knows if this is something that has to do w my depression mayb when I get back to my normal life nd feel happy again it will go away? Its just been so difficult living w this only for a year I can't imagine how I would cope with it the rest of my life srry for making this so long I guess it helps to finally put it out there nd I'm not alone

Hey Kari,
i am so sorry to hear about how you are feeling. I know it terribly emotionally draining and such a physical strain too.

Firstly hun, you are not alone. We are all here for you. Secondly I would advise you to immediately seek help. There is something inside you that is causing this...and it is not about weight or food...food is just the coping mechanism, it goes waaay beyond those walls.

So you find yourself isolating yourself after a binge? i also do that. I feel tired and ashamed, afterwards... and I often get a "food hangover" for days after it is so hard.

But it is and will remain a cycle for you, unless you reach out. And Kari, please don't leave it on the long finger. I used to do that too..."once i get a job"..."once I move here"...."once the summer comes"...but you begin to realise that that "once" is never going to come, because you have work to do to get there and you can start that work immediately.

May I ask are you close with your Mam? Could you explain about the ED to her. I gave my Mam a booklet about it a month a go, she knew I had "food issues" but had never heard of binge eating disorder. Now she understands it physically and I think she is kind of begining to understand me with the ED. I have also started anti-depressants as I have often gone days and days in a row with my curtains drawn and not letting anyone in...i wouldn't contact my friends, I would even, if possible avoid the people i lived with...like eat at night, and nip to the toilet when there was no one in the hallway so no one could see me, I was that ashamed.

Now don't get me wrong I am not "cured" yet, but I am getting the help. And that is the greatest gift you can give yourself right now...help...don't waste your time waiting...I've been grappling with this for 2 years and it's only now i've started helping myself and it feels so good.

So my advice would be to go to your mam and maybe mention something to her about what's going on - so you can start to let go of some of that pent up energy, it really helps to have someone there, it's like a boulder has been lifted and also look up therapists and get a start on making yourself well.

You are worth it.

Please keep me posted on how you are doing, we are here for you any time.
Much love to you
Moongal x