Woke up this morning to a full blown panic attack. My blood pressure was through the roof even after taking my meds. I found a therapist to speak to and have an appt. next Friday. Thank God my insurance covers it. Even the co-pay is going to be tough though. I honestly can't remember my depression/anxiety being this bad. I've always had pretty severe ups and downs but this feels like something entirely different. I know it affects my health and I feel like I'm in quicksand. I barely got up to take my dog out this morning and now I know he wants to play or do something and it's breaking my heart. I truly would not wish this feeling on my worst enemy. It's debilitating. I feel so weak and my whole body feels like it's shaking. I have to be strong to take care of my boy. He is my heart and soul. He doesn't understand why I'm like this. All I ever wanted in life was to be a normal kid, then grow up to be a normal adult with a normal family but growing up in an alcoholic, totally dysfunctional family really leaves it's mark on you. Kinda like a tattoo that you don't want but would hurt too much to have it removed. I have to hang on until next Friday and hope that the therapist can make some sense out of this hell I'm living in.
Sorry that you are struggling so much. If you want to talk privately, let me know and I will support you. I can totally relate to how growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family affect you. I do feel good that I have broken the cycle by not becoming an alcoholic. One of my brothers is an alcoholic. Unfortunately, he is unable to break the cycle.
@DClady1952 Thank you. I would love to chat sometime. I do feel quite lonely most of the time.
Definitely a horrible way to start the day. I hope it has subsided a bit so you can get some sleep tonight. Glad to hear that you got the appointment scheduled with the therapist. Since you have experienced more severe episodes before, in what ways was this one different? And do you have any idea what may have been the trigger for the episode this morning?
@kvolm2016 Thank you for your reply. I was able to sleep but only because I take meds at night. I still have nightmares about my childhood and I think that has a lot to do with how I feel when I wake up. I am very anxious about finances. I’ve never been is such a crisis and I’m doing everything possible to deal with it but the physical manifestations are these panic attacks when I’m thinking about it, and unfortunately it’s always on my mind. I’m on disability and barely keeping the lights on.