Working on it

well ive been posting here alot..dealing with alot of relationship issues and lonliness..but there has been a little dealing with a wife who has recently told me she has never been comfortable with me sexually and intimately our entire relationship..she started reading these romance novels, it turned into a every min of every day addiction, where she replaced me with this world of illicit sex and adventure and romance as her source or real intimacy and connection..and I thought it was cool maybe it would break her out of her shell and spice up our life a didnt, she made it clear I had no place in that world and she would rather read than be with was awful, my ego is shattered, i question everything..but weve been working at it..she stopped reading..and is working on spending more time together...rebuilding our intimacy..she is still not comfortable with me..i was hoping this sexual awakening she had would translate into better intimacy with didnt..she took it underground..we still have a vanilla sex life..she keeps me at arms length, never truly letting me in to her world, what makes her happy, what she is really looking for intimately, so its very frusterating, i feel like a I cant just figure out what she likes..I try so many different things, but I never feel like i really got it right..I still feel she would rather read and fantasize and take care of it herself..its very lonely..I just want her to let me in tyo her world of sexual adventure, what she is into, what she likes, how...what really makes her connect ya know? most husbands really wouldnt care..I get should be enough..but its makes me woinder why she doesnt want to share that with me? does she not think i can do it? is it not worth her time? is there someone else that does? so...she is at least working on it...but its definitely not helping with me self esteem issues...

Have you tried reading what she's reading? You mentioned vanilla sex--is she reading about bondage, s & m, etc? Is everything else in your relationship ticking well or is it just in the bedroom? How about appearance? Is she just not physically attracted you anymore? I don't really understand how she can say she has never been comfortable w/ you sexually when she went right ahead and married you! Didn't she know marriage is supposed to be forever? If she knew she felt this way from the beginning, how unfair of her to drag you into this marriage! This situation should not make you feel inadequate--your wife sounds like she needs help! It is very similar to being addicted to porn. One becomes so programmed to it that people replace their reality w/ what's on the screen/page. It's really unhealthy!

well ironically..when she started reading the stuff I was excited..I thought it might help her get out of her shell..she was always a little sheltered romantically..didnt like anything to I was hoping she would discover what she was into, how she liked it..I ***umed she liked what we were doing..that I was enough..but im not..she would rather read and go into this other world..and I suggested we incorporate it into our love life and she made it clear she has no interest in that..that she tried and I wasnt receptive, tho i dont remember thats when i got frustrated, why wouldnt she want me involved? is there someone else she would? then she said how she has never been fully comfortable with me..well with anyone I suppose..thats why she likes the fantasy aspect..but then im just left out..and I know im not doing the things she is obviously into..but she doesnt want me its very confusing..and its a blow to my ego..knowing I made her have to replace me emotionally, physically and its with a ghost..something I cant compete with..fiction..she likes it very soft n sweet she says but she reads the 50 shades stuff and i know she isnt happy with me or she wouldnt need to read...and when i try the rough stuff she dont want too...i have gained a little weight, perhaps she just isnt physically attracted to me..i have lost 30 lbs in the last coule months tho so that should have 5'10 190 so im not obese..and im a good looking person..yes she knows its forever, honestly i dont think she wants out of the marriage, we both are in it for the long haul..but I want us to be happy do the things we tell eachother our dirty secrets and fantasies but she is a porn addiction..but now she stopped reading..and nothing has changed it didnt make it any better for we are both frustrated...i just want her to let me in ya know..i just feel like she has this entire other world, one that I find incredibly cool and exciting that she doesnt want me a part of..its hard I feel like she is cheating and i cant kick his ***...its hard.