My friends and I are very split on this; I feel that I would live with someone prior to marriage in order to really get to know them on that level, though many of my friends feel that if you live together before marriage then he'll never propose simply because he's too comfortable. My parents are both incredibly traditional, so for them this is really not an option, but I hope that they'd support me in this decision when the times comes.
What are you thoughts and experiences on living with someone before marriage? Is this a positive or negative?
For me positive. I must know what life would be like with the person and there really is no way of knowing unless you experience it hands on. So, as traditional as I'd like to remain, for me it's almost a must. I'm a very private person, and I enjoy my alone time with my dogs, and for me to be able to live with someone, would take a lot of patience and practice. I lived with my ex for 2 1/2 years, I learned so much about him that otherwise I would have never known. I literally know everything about him, and I'm glad I went through that experience because that is something he and I can share, exclusively.
I am not the person to ask. We lived to gether for 6 years before we got married and all was well. We got married and it's been s*** city ever since. I really miss my best friend and who I thought was my soulmate.
You stated that you would live with someone before marriage, so that is right for you. Forget what your friends and parents think!
Whether living together or not, a better indicator of whether your relationship will last and lead to a healthy marriage is if you make decisions based on what's right for you and your partner rather than stress out over what other people think.
Some people think living together is a step toward marriage, while others think it is just living together (no step-by-step plan). So I would find out ahead of time what my partners views were about living together.
There are many ways of doing things!!! It seems that many of the traditional people I know act as though there is only one way to do things, one right way, and this is just not true.
I did it in my younger years. I've heard it said that one gives something AWAY in living together & I've heard test the water FIRST before mariage. So to each his own huh.
I agree with April, but I'd add that whatever is lost or given away, there's a conservation of knowledge here- an equal equation. Whatever is lost, is gained elsewhere. Living together is a big big deal; the character traits exhibited by how a person lives in their home says a lot about them, and the longer they've been doing it, the harder ingrained the habits. Just like I wouldn't have married someone without first having had sex, I wouldn't marry before having lived with them. These things to me speak to a couple's inherent chemistry. F88k tradition, many traditions are fossilized in the eras that promoted them, they have no place in modern culture.
That said, on another subject, in a limited sense, in theory, I actually support arranged marriages.
Thank you all for your wonderful insight, feedback and thoughts on whether to live with someone or not before marriage. All really amazing and valid points. I honestly have to say that it's a must and all others (family and friends) will just have to accept it at some point or another. I have to live my life for me and not just what makes my family and friends happy.
Now Ross, I'm curious about your support of arranged marriages.....do you mind my asking why you support them? I have a bit of experience in this area.