Wow. That's a loaded question. How am I? Well I'll start by

Wow. That's a loaded question. How am I? Well I'll start by being honest. I cheated. Yes I did. I can admit it. What I did was wrong. Now I am paying for it all. Over the last 9 months I have tried to show the live of my life I was wrong and that I want to earn his trust again. We aren't together but he also likes to mess with my emotions and string me along unintentionally because he does care but I hurt him bad enough that he doesn't want to try. I know I deserve this and I'm not looking for pity, but I was wondering how do you pick yourself up when its you that keeps knocking yourself down? I'm so lost without him. 7 years I flushed away and I feel like I'll never forgive myself.

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@imessedup101 I feel like I could have wrote this. Word for word! We should chat! I would love to talk to someone who seems to feel the identical way as me in this situation.

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@Misshurt its so hard sometimes when you know the blame lies solely with yourself. But how do you start to puck up the pieces? He told me yesterday he might be moving in with someone but that doesn’t close the door for us. Umm how is that? I told him it doesn’t in my end but I’m pretty sure that it does on his. How do you handle your worst days? Every day is a bad day . I’m usually up until 3am crying after my kids have gone to sleep. Its amazing the amount of tears a human can produce.

It's crazy how similar I feel to what you say! I don't know how I keep going! I question myself all day every day. How is this the life I created?! How do I fix it?! How do I keep going without him?! I have no idea how I do. I cry every day and miss him non stop. We share the kids and that is horrible too. I don't know. I fear that he will move on sign someone else before he gives me another chance. It's lonely and miserable and I blame no one but myself! No understands why I haven't let go. But he isn't telling me it's over just he needs time and space. I have asked if there is no chance to just tell mean he won't! I sometimes feel it's a test to see how much I really want him. How much I choose him. How long I'm willing to wait for him. To prove he is truly who i want. It's hell! Plain and simple. I'm depressed and its awful and I feel more alone than I ever thought possible. Wish I could help you. If you figure it out let me know! I could use some advice.

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@Misshurt you have helped me just by saying hi. I wish I had advice but I think we may be on the right track just being here to support each other. I didn’t know where else to turn so I looked up online support groups and here I am

That's exactly how I feel. He'll say one thing but it doesn't cut off the relationship and still leaves me feeling like he's testing just how far I actually will go to have Jim in my life. Now I don't know if its delusional or just pathetic, but something inside me just keeps saying hold on. Just a little longer, show him, prove it too Him no matter what. And its not something I feel like I can forgive myself for until he does. I don't deserve forgiveness from myself until the person isn't hurting and can forgive me. I don't expect it to be forgotten though. Like I said before. I don't want pity. It seems like you know exactly what I'm talking about. Monday was actually the first day in over 7years that I didn't see him. And it was rough. I don't think I'll ever move on, but one day I'd like to at least be ok. Its pure hell. I found the perfect quote. "Hell is loving you in my dreams and waking alone." I will wait as long as it takes even if the day never comes. I'm here for you @Misshurt. I have no one here that I talk to. So please stay strong. We both need to.

That's what I did! I also see a therapist. But honestly it's not helping. I'm still stuck and can't let go.

Be prepared though.. This site can be hard. There are days I feel I relate to so much and it helps. But then there are more days of how jealous I am of all of these couples. Yes even the unhappy miserable hating their cheating spouse. Because those couples decided to try! To give them another chance. To tell them even though you hurt me beyond belief I love you enough to try and let you fix it. To prove you are who you say you are and love me and only me once more.

I wish I got that chance. Also i feel like it's not the norm for the cheater to want to stay to go through hell and be reminded what a horrible person they are over and over but more on here did! They chose to go through hell not only being the one who hurt their spouse and living that guilt but choosing to stay in a sad lonely hurtful environment to get back what they once loved. That's what I want. To hold on for that future until there is no other choice. None. Not many people agree (my friends and family especially)but holding onto him is for me. My heart and my life need him. And I need him and my kids all as one.

Support me and we can pm as much as you want! I know it's lonely and hard!

I feel for you guys. I too wish my ex would still want me, but he chose to move in with the OW. I haven't forgiven him, but I hate that he took the choice from me. He never told me anything. He finally confessed to a year long affair after lying to my face numerous times, then moved out without talking to our 7 year old daughter first. What kind of a selfish person is that?

Your BSs are in pain, but it sounds like one might be moving on. It's tough when they find a new person so I wish you the best. It's hard to move on when everything is unclear. That's how I feel.

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What is BSs? And @090915Dday I am so sorry it happened to you. I feel awful. I can tell you if he doesn't feel remorse or guilt for what he did that is just not right. I can't speak for all who have cheated but in my case there will never be a day I won't feel that guilt and wish I could erase all the pain i caused him. It would be a very humbling thing if he would allow me to help stitch his heart back together with every chance I had to prove anything he wanted to him. I see and spend time with him daily and we talk via messenger and on the phone after work and before bed yet he says he might move in with someone. How does that happen? Was the last 9 months of spending time together just an elaborate plan to hurt me all along? If so I have come to terms with it because I do deserve it. Just wish they'd invent that **** time machine already.
I have a 6 year old that still thinks we are together just not living together. Even though I try to explain it how do you when she sees him smacking my *** or going out to eat with him or watch football with him? Shes got anxiety since we moved out on our own but even if its not for me how do you do that to your 6year old. Just move in with someone else who has 2 kids. How does he think thats going to make her feel? Hurt me ok, but not our daughters. I dont know if its a male thing but in your case and mine it doesnt seem like the our childrens feelings come into play much. I Hope you and your daughter are well. He is selfish and doesn't deserve you or your daughters love because someone who can still love someone and want to be with them after they cheat is an angel. Who else could forgive and love someone whi has done something so wrong and unforgivable? I hope everything works out for you. I really do.

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