Yesterday I was struck by a random wave of anger when my mind connected a couple more dots related to my ex-narc. Fortunately, I was in San Francisco, enjoying a pleasant day trip with my new lady love, and was distracted from thinking about it until after I’d returned home.
ElodieUK recently posted a comment including a mention that her husband had gone to India to participate in a “sex ashram” related to a cult that has been built around the long-dead Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, who in later years re-invented himself and took on the name “Osho”. His entire adult life appears to have been spent spewing incomprehensible, mystic psycho-babble for the benefit of young people who lacked the emotional health and sense of personal self-worth to recognize this crock of sh*t cult for what it was - a way for him to enjoy all the individual or group sex he wanted with a never-ending supply of young ladies and probably young men as well.
Here are several links to sites which present a sample of Osho’s twisted philosophy:
Osho: Who Is This Man:
http://www.otoons.com/osho/#sthash.MpAi3VbX.8ASTJ4ov.dpbs
The Honeymoon That Never Ends:
http://www.creationsmagazine.com/articles/C100/Osho.html
The Fallacy of Togetherness:
http://www.awakin.org/read/view.php?tid=648
In Real Love There Is No Relationship:
http://projection-of-consciousness.blogspot.com/2011/04/in-real-love-there-is-no-relationship.html
Osho preaches that the way to self-enlightment is to learn how to become totally silent during sex, focusing all your energy on the feelings of sex rather than the emotions. In doing this you completely disconnect yourself from your partner, and God forbid he or she should say anything during sex that might break your concentration. I recalled that my ex-narc told me she liked to close her eyes and not talk at all during sex, and I couldn’t understand why. Now I understand. Osho is a perfect philosophy for narcissists.
The poisonous psycho-babble spewed from this thankfully now-dead Indian “guru” has twisted the minds of my narc and who knows how many other emotionally void and needy people in search of the ultimate philosophy of personal fulfillment. No wonder I felt like sex with my narc was “android sex”. I was never any more than an interchangeable male unit whose only value was in how I pushed her buttons and helped bring her to multiple sexual plateaus for her own loveless pleasure.
I defy anyone to make any sense of Osho’s cryptic psycho-babble. Yet somehow, it managed to attract an international following, and at some point sucked in my narc. I’d love to know exactly how she got introduced or otherwise emotionally engaged in this cult. It just confirmed for me that she was a sex addict in search of a higher authority that would provide a cloak of legitimacy for her loveless sexual activities. And in Osho I think she found a home.
The Bhagwan became “enlightened” at the age of about 21, and the next years were spent honing his BS toward getting young women to drop their panties for him. He attracted lonely, emotionally empty souls who had normal physical desires and then sold them a philosophy with a goal of reaching “transcendent sex” that was so good that you literally could close your eyes and experience it all by yourself, no longer needing partners. This was his carrot, his Nirvana. But the “journey” to get there involves having as much sex with as many people has you can, only to get the physical lust out of your system and prepare you properly to “transcend” into the next level.
So Osho developed a cult following which traveled to him from across the globe to meet him and to ultimately join into his sex orgies, all in the name of sexual enlightenment. In his later years he established a commune in the U.S., in the state of Oregon, but after several years was deported and the commune collapsed. But in death his philosophy has not been allowed to die, and is still attracting followers.
My last conversation with my narc was just over five weeks ago, and she had mentioned that she subscribed to the Osho philosophy, but I was not then familiar with the term, and the conversation was not going well, so I mentally filed it away to follow up on later. Then ElodieUK’s post jogged my memory and it was only then that I checked into Osho and found that this person I thought I had fallen in love with was not only a sex addict with an inability to give and receive love normally but that she was, unofficially at least, a self-identified follower of a cult which is best known for organizing sex orgies among its members.
I had suspected early on that my narc was a sex addict. Now there is no doubt in my mind. Just as many male pedophiles gravitate to the boy scouts to be around young boys, sex addicts gravitate to Osho to build legitimacy for their emotional bankruptcy and their “no limits” approach to sexual gratification.
This revelation about Osho has triggered a new wave of anger toward my narc, because this has torn down her last defensive position, that she just didn’t really know who she was and didn’t see any problem with joining with me in what I thought was a traditional love relationship.
And she complained often that people didn’t “get” her, and therefore had no right to judge her lifestyle. Now I can see why. She frequently reiterated to me that her lifestyle was not right or wrong, it just is what it is. I have to differ. This Osho was nothing more than a smokescreen for her sex addiction in which she cherry-picked the essential parts of the philosophy that she liked to share with others, without really developing an understanding of the entire philosophy. But then again, who could? It was psycho-babble and completely incomprehensible.
I AM going to make a subjective judgement - that she and all others who subscribe to Osho are sick, twisted, emotionally empty, and themselves open to the most gross mental and physical manipulation.
Having uncovered what may be the final piece of the puzzle, I have completely lost any positive feelings toward my ex-narc and feel only contempt and revulsion now. She knew all along what she believed in, yet she still intentionally took me down an emotional path that had nowhere to do except down, for no reason other than her personal and selfish ego gratification. She is nothing more than a vicious reptile to me now.