You're great but

Although I may sound like a bit of a whiner here, I'm really looking for advice on what to do.

My girlfriend just broke up with me this past weekend. She says that she loves me, wants me, needs me, and (prior to breaking up with me) didn't want to lose me. So why are we no longer together? Well, that part is unclear. She intends to let me know her thoughts later in the week. However, when she said that she wanted to end our relationship, she cited the reason as "she just can't". She says that I'm great, but she says she's afraid of getting hurt.

So why the break up? What am I to think? I love her and really can't understand how she can say that she loves, needs, and wants me; yet she's breaking up with me! Does this mean that she isn't being truthful? Do I just let her go or do I fight for her...I don't want to be a source of stress in her life, but I'm seriously hurting over this breakup? My instinct is to fight for our relationship. I've been praying on this and trying to remain positive, but I'm really spiraling down.

I know that I'm an intense person. I have an issue with abandonment, so sometimes I can be insecure. Maybe that's a barrier...I don't know.

I have a strong suspicion that what she'll be telling me later this week, are the reasons why she doesn't want to be together, and I must admit I'm scared. We have gone from talking about sharing the rest of our lives together to this. I feel totally blindsided.

Anyway, I know what I want, but I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

jack

forgive me when u started with the "need you love you" i thought we were off on a post about meatloaf. how silly i can b at times.

did u live to gether? prior to the break up? or did u keep seperate abodes. funny question i hear u ask but i do believe that mayb u have overstepped some boundaries mayb because u are so intense u have crowded her, not allowing her space to be herself, or given her "ALONE for me" time.

my youngest son use to sit outside the bathroom with his mouth going like an express train or he would follow people around hovering, that is quite daunting for anyone to put up with

keep thinking hon and chatting

as always

loving thoughts and positive vibes

We did not live together. And you may be right...maybe I did overstep some boundaries. Maybe she does need some alone time. Thanks for your thoughts.

hon my son has just come home from work and told me this

i do my thing and you do your thing
i am not in this world to live up to your expectations
and you
are not in this world to live up to mine
u are u and i am i
and if by chance
we find each other
its
beautiful.

he saw this on a wall and wrote it down to share dont u think its apt for our conversation?

mayb this could b the way forward for u.

as always

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Jack,
I have been on the other end of your situation. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years and we lived together. It was a very slow and painful breakup process and I too said many similiar things in which your girlfriend has said to you. Every relationship is unique and needs to be handled differently. Only you will know if this relationship is worth fighting for. But I will tell you, there's a reason she wants the relationship to end. It's never easy to tell someone you love that you no longer want to be with them. Maybe try to understand her reasons, accept them and move forward. It will be hard, sad, lonely etc. etc. but believe me, it gets easier.

I hear you, July. But what I can't wrap my mind around is why anyone would no longer want to be with someone they love, if they say that person is great? She ended up just saying that she's not available capable of having an intimate relationship. Whuh? I'm not sure exactly what that means? Other than pain and heartbreak.

Unfortunately, love is not enough. There are so many factors that make a successful relationship. I loved my ex very much, and for that reason alone it took me a very long time to leave him. But I had to consider many other factors and understood that what I wanted in my life, I wasn’t willing to compromise. Nobody is perfect, but you shouldn’t settle for a relationship if it doesn’t feel right. Intimacy is an extremely important part of a loving relationship and when I felt myself wanting out of my relationship, I no longer wanted to share myself with him sexually. It was unfair to him and there are many things I regret, but I had to do what was best for me.

You are going to hurt and feel pain, but it’s better you deal with these emotions now. Cherish the times you had with her and respect what she wants and just let her go…

does it really matter what she said or how she said it?

the end result is forwhatever reason u are no longer a couple, i no its hard but mayb the relationship wasnt as great as u thought it was, its difficult to step back and see it dispassionately when u are the one involved.

of course she could be an addict then it would make perfect sense that u were gettin to close and not allowing her freedom to do as she wished but i honestly think that if that were the case u would know deep down what the answer is.

you come across as an "emotional vampire" suckinng all the energy out of the relationship in your need to hang on to it, was it really as u seem to see it in your mind?
could it be that u are wearing "rose tinted glasses" and are refusing to see that the fit was not tight and perfect as u seem to believe but full of holes?

if this is really still bothering u why not go to
www.relate.com or seek counsuling to try and put it in perspective.

as always loving thoughts and positive vibes

Hi Jacki66, I am sorry for what you are going through and can imagine what you are currently feeling; confusion, frustration, sadness. Not having closure is incredibly difficult, not knowing why is quite difficult for us to deal with. Though, maybe at this stage, giving her space is the best thing that you can do for the two of you, if crowding her is the reason why she departed. If you are meant to be with one another, then she will realize the error in her ways and come back to you. Continue to pray and ask that if she is the right one for you, then she will come back to you. Sending you many positive thoughts...you will get through this happily and peacefully.

Thanks puppydoglvr. What you write makes sense. I'll keep praying, but I know that she's the right one for me. The problem is whether she thinks that I'm the right one for her. That is what I have no idea about and no control over.

You have a great and positive attitude; therefore, I know that everything will work out so well for you. Keep praying and try to stay positive and thus positivity will come your way.

Thx again Puppydoglvr. I will keep praying. I appreciate you positivity as well.

hi puppydoglvr. Thank you for putting up this post because it was beneficial to me as well. I have recently lost a relationship and at the current moment nothing makes sense to me.
I get domestic's "emotional vampire'. thats me.
I hope you find strength in dealing with the pain.

hi broken in pieces and welcome to the support group.

im sorry that u have suffered and i no its not easy to admit u were/are an "emotional vampire" but i do think in this day and age its harder to have a relationship without encroaching on the other persons personal space.

all relationships seem to progress at an uneven pace so one of u is always demanding/wanting more untill the end is burn out or the parting of the ways.

im sorry to hear that but would like to hear about your situation if u would like to talk

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Hi Broken In Pieces, I hope that you are doing better today and getting through everything as positively as possible. I actually didn't write this post, Jacki66 did. Though, I did comment. Thank you for sharing and participating. Wishing you all of the very best!

Sorry Puppydoglvr. it was for jacki66. You see this is one of the symptoms. I cant really concentrate. To top it off I am a nurse and thats scary for me when it comes to administering medication. I need a lot of time off and it hard to say what you need it for to your bosses. Especially here in Singapore. Anyways, i am just giving myself permission to feel the way i am feeling...

Domestic... thank you for the reply. At this day and age encroaching on partner's personal space is rampant? I wonder why is that so. i am codependent and i wish there was a codependent support group that i can join. On the humourous side of it, i have always relate myself to Rogue the girl from X MEn. Her super power was to suck the life out of people. I have that superpower. I just found that out through a personal discovery. i did not grow up with love and i suck it out of ppl when i grow up. now i have to learn to let go. Letting go is not as easy as it sounds. Its letting go of everything you ever believed in, leaving you empty and full of void. Hoping that the Universe has other plans for you and the Universe is there to support you. Its like being a baby all over again. Start from scratch...

Hi Broken in Pieces. You're welcome for the post. I'm sorry for your confusion you're feeling, the resultant lack of self-esteem that often comes when a relationship ends, and the painful loneliness that ensues. I'll pray for you to find comfort and peace. We can hang in there together. There are better days ahead.

broken in pieces

first things first thank u for posting back :D

im sorry that u grew up with out love but u obviously have compassion and are caring to do your job, even if it is hard to maintain a performance at the moment. prehaps u would like to expand on that further at another time.

as for its harder to maintain seperate lives i stand by that the mobile phone/email has made everything 24/7 so there is no clear couple time. therefore its easy to get sucked into the vortex of "who was that what did they want etc" often becoming an irritation to the other person.

as for being codependant yes i can see where that would fit in and seems quite a natural progression since u are seeking the love that u missed out on, therefore confusing affection or short temperedness in your disire to have the elusive goal

could your parent have had depression therefore unable to give u the appropriate affectionate responses creating the gap in your life

post soon

loving thoughts and positive vibes

Thank you Jackie. The thought that I am not alone in this with you hanging there with me comforts me endlessly. I am sorry that I stole the moment from you. This post was about you and not me. i could jut relate to what you are going through and it struck a chord in me.I just needed to share.

I had a horrible night. about 6 months ago, I promised a patient that i will be there with him every step of the way till he confronts death. He has no one and I wanted to be there for him. Perhaps deep down, the reason why i wanted to do that was because it was to assuage my own fear of dying alone. I was with him every step of the way. tonight, he was dying and I have never felt so alone in my life. My partner has left me and he is no longer there to support me emotionally and now I have to do this on my own. I find myself talking to God ( I have renewed my faith since I have no one else) and asking him why he has to give me lessons all at once. I have not gotten over his first lesson and now he is teaching me about death. Growing up, i have often recite the mantra of God not giving me something I cant handle and today I wonder how much further he can push me. I dont know whether I can do his bidding. He wanted me to learn fast and I feel that I am on the verge of breaking down.

About my parents. Yea, they didnt grow up peachy and Rosy and I have forgiven them a long time ago. They brought me up the best way they know how and I have let it go. Its just that the remnants of dealing with it that has put me much in a fix. I keep on going back to the same familiar relationships and I admit that I have been hard on myself. Ive read all the books that I can read about incest and loving the inner child but the knowledge is all there at the intellectual level and it has not reach my heart yet. I look around me and there is no one I can depend on. This has a lot to do with me unabling to trust and its lonely. I am afraid to be in a relationship because I fear that it will all happen again and not being in a relationship, there is nothing I can "suck" on. Its like Im at the crossroad figuring which way to go. Its hard doing this alone.

I am sorry this has to be lengthy. I have to try to go to bed now. The doctor has prescribe me sedatives so that it will dispel my insomnia. I have to wait for that dreaded call- the nurses will call me when the patient has passed on and I have to do the last rites for him. I just pray that I will make it out of it sane. Im tired...

broken in pieces

how lucky that patient is to have u by his/her side at this sad time in life, i too have sat and waited for that final gasp of breath the eeiry death rattle that almost takes on a life of its own, no one should have to die alone without even a friend to watch over them, last rites is a comfort. but i must admit the awe that fills me when i see how serene they are after those final moments give me hope for mankind.

its good u have forgiven your parents although im sure u have wondered what life would b like if u had another set, they deserve pity not for what they did but for the things they missed out on. i always encourage my foster children to forgive them for they did not walk in their parents shoes and no one knows what goes on behind closed doors or in the parents minds, most people parent as they have been parented sad but true:(

as for the relationships i can relate to u fallin for the same situation again and again its almost a comfort to know it will go pearshaped in some ways. it prolongs the agony of having to look deep inside which im glad u are doing.

rome wasnt built in a day but it was finally finished and so will u when u come thru the other side, strange things happen along the way and funny things but none the less we all arive at our destination eventually

enjoy your sleep

loving thoughts and positive vibes