A mix of good and bad newsbut I'm focusing on the GOOD

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
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Hey all!

So I went to my counselors yesterday and guess what? I'M SO CLOSE TO MY GOAL WEIGHT!!!! I'm even more happy about it because I never thought I'd see beauty in myself at the weight I am currently. For about 3 weeks I had no clue of my weight, and though I had anxiety about it some days, on days I did not, I usually thought my body looked nice.
It's so weird to say that and actually mean it.

She was proud of me for all that I have accomplished in her weeks on vacation.

Unfortunately as our session went on she told me that her son had gotten very sick and she's taking a year off work to be with him. I'm not sure what he is sick with, but my heart goes out to her. We started talking more about what would happen with me, and guess what we decided? Her and I both felt I was in a stable enough place that I didn't need to start with a whole new counselor (which admittedly, I don't want to do, but I will if it comes to it). So...I'M GRADUATED!
I still got contact information for a different counselor and I WILL seek help from her if the time comes..but I really think I'm able to do this myself.
I've signed up for a 1 day group course on meal planning that I think will be helpful, and that's the end of it.
I also asked her what her opinion was on buying a scale so I could keep track of my weight; for as my Kung Fu gets more intensive I want to make sure I'm staying on track...plus the only time I really abused the scale that used to be in my house was years ago when I was VERY ill.

After my appointment my boyfriend and I had plans to go out to the mall, and he was proud of my accomplishments too :) I talked and explained to him my decision on buying a scale, and I was glad he supported it.

Then once shopping was done, it was time for Kung Fu!! We did a lot of sparring, and I may came out with a couple bruises, but I won ALL my matches! Some of which were two belts higher than I! I was quite proud of myself :) And the owner thinks I'm ready to get my gold belt too!! (I'm a white belt right now). I'm so very proud my body is able to do the things I want, and I love it for being so strong.

Once I got home from Kung Fu (still with the boy) we started watching Date Night, but my mom got really mad at me for something small and insignificant. She yelled a horrible name at me and I ran out of the house in hysterical tears...I was so glad he was still there. He was furious with my mother and after walking off the tears we went back to my house (my mom had gone to bed) and he cheered me up again before leaving.

So all in all, despite some of the negatives, yesterday was a pretty good day :)

I hope everyone else is doing well and thanks for ready the epically long post :P

Paige xoxo

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Congrats! I am so happy for you! Sorry about the fight with your mom, but don't let that get you down. Just keep concentrating on all the good things you have going for you right now. You are awesome!

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Paige,
you are such an inspiration to me! Honestly with so much optimistic posts and positive attitudes you always brighten my day. I am so happy for your accomplishments! You should be so proud :) I am happy you can look at the negative news and still see the positives. Good luck!!!

Allee

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Thank you for posting that. I'm new to this site and reading about how strong you are and how far you have come really gives me hope for my own future and recovery. Congrats, and thanks for the inspiration =)

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congratulations! i know what a big deal that is. It makes me really happy to hear that you are doing well. You are an inspiration. I'm sorry about the fight and all, but it is awesome that you were able to come through the day with optimism. You rock.

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Oh yeah! I wanted to tell you Paige that I also took a form of karate. I took Kempo for 6 years. Its the best isn't it. Sorry I couldn't help but make the connection. Of course for me it was before my eating disorder, but I think taking karate really had helped me with feeling good about myself and staying fit of course. It was something I always loved to do and I am super happy that you enjoy it :)

And what is your belt system? We never had a gold belt :)

allee

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Thank you for your wonderful words Alle :slight_smile:
Martial Arts is fun! I hope one day when you feel ready you can get back into it :slight_smile: It’s way to exercise in a controlled environment, because once your class is done, so are you.

As for my belt system… it goes: white, gold, orange, green, blue, brown, black.
I hope one day I’ll get my black. That would be very rewarding :slight_smile:

Best wishes!
Paige xoxo

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special88 i am so proud of you--i am. i am so proud of you for reaching your goal wiehght. i am at about my goal weight now---i just wish i would feel positive about it, special. i still feel fat. and the worst part is--ill see a thin girl and want to be her. this here--enlies the HORROR of the ED mindset. i want to be proud im a healthy weight and not long for skinny. or compare myself to something i cannot be... it is ridicuous. so i want to comment you on your wonderful accomplishment you reached your goal weight and you are proud! i , want that for me too-i mean im at my goal weight but i want to be proud of it. this was very helpful to me, special88. like you, i want to be happy im HEALTHY not long for thinness... i am very happy for you--and will change my thoughts around today about my weight: I am HAPPY to be healthy. ha.

im glad you did great at kung fu--wow, thats awesome! and glad you got to celebrate with your boyfriend. thats great too and i know he is proud.

im so sorry abotu your mom--did you talk to her about that. im so sorry...

thanks for your wonderful inspiring post!

we can beat this!

love
maureen

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Maureen,

You can get there too! It has taken me many ups and downs from just below this weight to finally accept me at this weight. Though I’m not quite at my goal weight, it’s so close I cant taste it (lol no pun intended).
When you look in the mirror don’t look on the negatives, look at the things you like. From your picture your eyes look very lovely :slight_smile: Your hair too! And I like to think there is a different between skinny and thin. Skinny is bony and sick…Thin, or slim, is like normal. Like us :slight_smile: Because you know what? I am still slim. I AM NOT FAT! I WILL NEVER BE FAT!

As for my mother…she talked to me after. Said that my behaviour pushed her to say what she said and that I’m the one that needs to change. But I know that’s not true. My boyfriend witnessed the entire thing and he agreed she was the one in the wrong.
My mom has never been one to admit to her wrong doings and likes to blame others instead. I actually believe she is one of the things that caused my ED. If you read my comment on here: http://bulimia.supportgroups.com/sg/bulimia/causes-of-bulimia you can read more about it :slight_smile:

Best of luck with loving your body!
Paige xoxo

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CONGRATULATIONS! That is so awesome! If it's not too weird to say, I'm very proud of you, and very excited for you, too. :-) All I can say is congratulations again--that is truly wonderful news!

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Paige, I am so happy and so so proud of you for not only nearly reaching your goal weight but also for being able to love yourself regardless of the number on the scales. You have obviously come a long way in your journey of recovery and the fact that BOTH your couselour as well as yourself agree that you no longer need such regualted support through therapy is evidence of this. You are such an inspiration for me, I cant wait to be at a similar place to where you are right now. You have an amazing boyfriend for support too which Im sure helps alot.

I do just want to say/ask though if you could keep in contact with us on this site? As you wind down your sessions with your counselour you may find that you need to express yourself to others more, please use this site to do so if you feel it is right. Just as you have helped so many of us on our journeys, we want to be able to help you too!

So all in all, a huge congratulations! Its sound silly but I want to give you a huge hug right now! Keep up the great work that you have been doing and keep posting on here.

Love always,

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Thank you so much for the good wishes everyone!! I wish you all the best in your journey too..it's been long for me, but it feels good to say "Yes, I am doing it!"

And don't worry Simone, I won't stop posting, and a hug would be lovely :)
I haven't been on here long but I love you girls and I love helping in anyway I can <3

Paige xoxo

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I am not sure I will ever go back into it. It was something I did from the age of 9 until I was about 15. I achieved two black belts. I remember it gave me a lot of confidence. I do miss it but I just don't know. Maybe my campus offers a class. I will check it out.

My belt ranking was: White, yellow, orange, blue, purple, green, brown, red black, then black.

Allee :)