Why am i doing this to my body? i work so hard to try to be healthy and i keep falling right back into the same patterns. im angry hurt upset frustrated alone unloved stressed out afraid confused. i have this rush of all these feelings, i think i know where and how this disease started and i thought i had moved past that, but then why do i keep doing it? i dont have anyone to talk to about this and i know that is only hurting me. today was awful, i sat in bed literally all day and only left my room to get more food or to purge. 10 straight hours. i am sick, this is sick. this needs to stop. its a downward spiral and when the urge strikes is strikes hard and fast and there is no stopping it. im stuck in this never ending battle. i want to change and i know that i have to change, but yet i dont. i have tried so many times but nothing is working. the power of this disease just keeps winning. i hate it. i hate myself for not being able to beat this. even right now i have the urge to go eat. i need to fight this and get healthy. tomorrow is a new day and i will keep positive.
Hi Mbs689, is there a family member that you feel comfortable talking to about this? I think the key is for you to seek treatment and/or therapy at this time. I was bulimic for years and have been recovered for 15 years now. I had to hit rock bottom, which was an awful place, in order to seek treatment. Is you can nip this in the bud before it gets worse, you'll save your health and well-being. Please let us know how we can help you.
Mbs- I can relate to you in more ways than 1. I feel like Ive hit rock bottom. Today I am sad and full of guilt from last nights binge.. But today is a new day, and so far so good. I hope we can be a support for eachother. I feel soo alone and sometimes feel like no one could ever understand what I am going through, but you do. Everyone on this site lives it. take a deep breath...today is a new day.
<3 S