Acting as if

Here I go again. Off into the world armed with good intentions. How interesting it is to be my own witness. I know right in this moment I would choose life over death. I wonder when that shift will or won't happen.
I am not giving up. My younger/child self has been in charge, and she so loves this no rules oblivion of bulimia. She let's ED drive cause she doesn't know she's okay on her own.
I'm okay on my own.
We all are.
Peace
Patsy

Patsy...interesting....I wonder what other things your 'younger/child self' would like to do that would not be so harmful? Can you think of things you can do to celebrate the freedom you DO have in terms of being a human being? Just thinking....take care...Jan ♥

You honor me with your insights, your question mirrors one my therapist often asks, and in turn one I ask myself as well. Always looking for healthy oblivion, still looking tonight, now giving up.
Love,
Patsy

Namaste...♥

patsy---

i know we all have setbacks--sometimes for me it is even subconscious--ill do ED behaviors and not even realize it--but i believe youll be back on that recovery pony soon. and the 'warm butt of bulimia' will be out the window--hahaha.. i have missed your words of wisdom, those philosphical words that light up this site--and i beleive your bright soul will one day direct you in the path of lightness, peace and happiness...look into that wonderful soul you have--for there inlies your bliss....do not listen to that 'little rebellious girl' inside of you, for i know we all have that...try to comfort her and ease her pain in other ways....healthy ways....

i do wish you recovery and love for yourself--- just REMEMBER how GOOD it felt to be in recovered--remember the beauty you felt--the sheer freedom...

PS-- you look so beautiful in your new profile picture!

wishing you the best! and i know you can do this!

love
maureen

Maureen,
Thank you. Thank you.
Ya know Hafiz always says, the rose cannot open without the love of the sun. Your words are very warm like the sunlight.
We are all all we need, and we gotta keep reminding each other until it sinks in and we can bloom over and over.
I’m better off than before I sat down to this computer.
I appreciate you.
Love,
Patsy

i am very very happy to hear you feel better than before you came to the computer, for that IS the beauty of this site...

and i do so hope you embrace the freedom of recovery again, so that you can love yourself like you do deserve. part of the recovery process is respecting and treating YOUR body with love and care, treating it as a sacred being. nurturing your body with adoration, kindness and giving it proper nutrition is what we need to do and not harm oursleves. we need to give ourselves the kindness we give to others ...

i remember the first time i started recovery i apologized to my body for toruring it so. and when i work out too much as i do now, i apolpgize to it also and feel guilt. guilt--something i never experienced in the throes of ED, but it developed in recovery....it is like blossoming buds of self love... nurturing your body gives it love to grow, be healthy and happy....for the way it is...

i know do knock myself with ED voices--all day today in fact---ED has been swarming around my head, making me miserable. im trying hard to ward off the voices....it is kinda working....it is just so hard to kill off that voice, and i know my therapist is helping--it is just i am so sick of it. if i gain a couple ounces----WHY do i care???? ughhh...

so i will pray for you for your ability to hug yourself(sounds corny i know, ha) but it is needed....to embrace yourself for who you are...and not fight yourself...

and also, you mentioned of being bored in the summer, patsy---what do you like to do for fun??? can you think of something other than ED you that can do so that you wont feel bored in summer???

Really quickly, I’d like to thank you for your response. We have to find ways to know the truth of our sacredness. We have to let go of guilt and just live in compassion and forgiveness.
I hope sharing your experience and your support helped eas some of the ED voices, you sure helped mine.
Patsy

Patsy

Admitting you need support is a good thing..and we are your support ...friend:).Ive always enjoyed your writing here.Hope you can find that positive light and keep fighting your way to it.

LOVE

Thank you Grace,
I feel the support right here. I hope you know you too are thought of often.
We’ve come so far even if it frequently feels like we are standing still.
love,
Patsy