I've decided I should probably tell my supervisor at my internship about what's going on. After a lot of thought, I think I need to.I get the impression they know after multiple small comments from different coworkers. Maybe they don't, but it just seems that way. My therapist said they must, just by looking at me. And they're in the therapy field too, so they're more perceptive.
I have supervision tomorrow. I have no idea how to bring it up though..or how to word it. I don't have any definite plans for treatment yet, but I think I might go in the next few months. And I want to be genuine with her, I just have nooo idea how to word it. Should I say it at the beginning of supervision (before we discuss my cases), or at the end? How do I say it? What if she's not supportive? What they haf no idea and I just seem like a fool? Any advice? Thank you so much guys, sorry to be needy I'm just verrrrrrry nervous
Whenever you feel most comfortable, if it were me, i'd probably do it first thing and get it over with. ♥ This is a very brave step you are taking Chelsea, I am very proud of you xoxo
chelsea, this is so great. ive been waiting to hear this for a while and im so happy you made the decision.
how about you tell her that you wann have a chat after all cases have been dealt with? that way you know they are ready yet you'll have enought time cause all other things are already dealt with.
xxx
Thanks guys. I appreciate the help. I'm really scared to do this. I am afraid I may chicken out and back out. But I just know I have to. I am in hell and I can't pretend I'm not anymore. Its too tiring. And I'd prefer they find out now than later.. I know its not logical to be so fing nervous..what's the worst she could say? But I'm having horrible anxiety just thinking about it. Like my chest is tight and I can't breathe. This sucks! I'm so tired of living like this. Sorrly for all the bellyaching..I'm just fing miserable..
I had a mental breakdown when I first told someone. Just basically say it in the simplest terms you can you don't even have to say the name of your ED just describe it and he/she should get the point...it worked for me mainly because I have trouble saying the word bulimic out loud. Best of luck let us know how it goes!!
Chelsea, I think to some degree, they already know anyway. The bravery you are going to show tomorrow is outstanding...you can and will get through this!
Thanks Gina...I don't feel brave at all. I'm scared shitless, in fact. I can't stand this anymore. My supervisor put her faith in me (they turned down two more experienced prospective interns) and I couldn't hold it together for a whole year. I feel like I just waste everyone's time and let them down. Even on here...this is supposed to be a place focused on recovery and I'm so deep in my own stupid misery in every post. I'm sorry.
How did you let them down? You didn't choose this!!! Don't apologize you're obviously going through a tough time and we just want to help you in any way we can!!! They won't think any less of you!!!! You can do this!
I let them down because they trusted me to take care of myself. In the interview, they warned me that home-based counseling with families in crisis can be very hard and good coping skills are essential. Well, apparently, I can't cope with my own life...awesome...
Like I said it's not like you chose this. How could you be angry or let down by something out of someone's control? Think of all the people you have helped too! It is so common to be able to put others first. Admitting you have a problem isn't a let down, if anything it shows you are a brave and strong, beautiful person <333
Thank you sonrisas, that means a lot to me.
I feel like maybe she'll think it wasn't out of my control. After all, I'm the one who started this stupid "diet" almost three years ago. and I'm the one who couldn't stop when I should have. And I'm the one who didn't get a therapist until it was really bad. And I'm the one who's lied for a long time about miserable I was. And I'm the one who can't function like a normal human being. It was all me....
all those 'i'm the one'-things that you described are thought that i and im pretty **** sure everone else to goes through on a regular basis.
but think about it chelses, what you tell one of your patients if s/he told you this? would you tell them 'yes, of course, this is all your fault alone!' ?
you wouldn't because you would know it wasn't true!
and sweetie, as for you coping with other poeple's stories and with your own are two totally different things. you have probably realized that we're all in this boat too. everyone on here is incredibly supportive and positive when it comes to others but often struggle to use this optimism for themselves. you are an incredible help on here i can only imagine how much good you do in person for all the people you work with!!
you'll be fine telling your supervisor, it will be an enormous relief to not have to pretend anymore and it'll give you another boost to really sommit to recovery!
you're ace, hun, i totally believe in you and so do they!
xxx
Chelsea...this is not your fault, and while you may have begun to diet or try other things to control you weight, you did not know what it would result in.
I imagine some of your co-workers may know or suspect that you are struggling, but by you stating facts, it can prevent rumors or assumptions, to a point.
I always think it's better for YOU to be the one to address it, rather than to wait until you are confronted.
Thinking of you during this time, and I respect you immensely for taking this important step! Jan ♥
Chelsea, how did it go today? Been thinking about you all morning.... xoxox
this is like, wow --im am so proud of you. you are taking a great step in getting better just by telling your team---this great! im so proud of you.. just for thinking of this im proud. cause yes, i know you are nervous about it as anyone would be: but just stand tall and talk to them like you would to us on here. hell, chelsea, they are in the psychology field , right? chelsea, they will understand! they wont judge or look down upon you and they will be glad you told them.... and especially if they already kind know----it would be good to get it out in the open ...
theyll support you even more and if you do decide to go into treatment, im sure theyll be behind you 100%! i mean, they are in the psychology field, so im pretty gosh darn sure of it!
you can tell them whenever you feel is a good time---when you feel you can 'clear the air'
im sure theyll be happy you told them!
love
maureen
Hey guys, Well at first I decided that I wasn't going to talk to her about it after all. I was chickening out I guess. So much for being strong. But the weird thing is, we ended up talking about it. She brought it up, sort of. It was weird. We were discussing a client I have who is a really bad alcoholic. My supervisor then (quite randomly) segued from that discussion and said "Well we all have our weaknesses...Meg (a coworker) has tried quitting smoking a billion times, my weight has gone up and down a lot over the years...how did you lose the weight? do you still count calories? if you lose any more you will look anorexic! I never see you eat..." I told her I was struggling and that I was seeing a therapist. Just the fact that I was seeing a therapist was hard to admit, not sure why considering the field I am in. She was supportive. I answered her questions pretty honestly. I told her I did still count calories obsessively. I did downplay it a lot though. But at least I told her! Up until like today I would have denied any problem at all.
Not to be negative, but for whatever reason ED is really kicking my *** now. I think I'm heading back into denial land. I have to wonder if maybe I'm exaggerating about how bad it is. She said that if I lose more I'll look anorexic..which implies that I don't now. Doesn't that mean that I'm right in my belief that people don't know?
By the way, Thank you guys soooo much for your support. I never would have had the strength to do that if it weren't for you
chelsea, yes, i do think what she said would not be what someone who is an anorexic would want to hear, so i think she could have totally done without the weight comment there--but she wasnt saying you arent anorexic--i think she was just saying that to bring up the topic. please dont change this into a neagative--she was trying to help in her way--it ended up failing BUT she was trying to get you to talk about it, thats all. dont be going into denial land because now you dont think you look anorexic when you know you do and others have told you.
weight does not determeine EDs as there are plenty of anoretics or bulimics who are normal weights! hell, look at me! im pudgy, and a recovering anoretic, i am in denial myself!sometimes i think i dont have an ED cause im not thin.... but should i not get help because i dont look sick? no ..no of us should base our EDs on weight alone.
EDs come in all shapes and sizes so people who think you only have to be one weight to have ED is not true. most of us on here are a normal weight and have ED.
you ARE underweight, and the fact that she said " you will look anorexic if you lost more weight ---was just a mishap of words on her part. please dont read into this...
you know others have told you you look sick. dont twist her words into something negative when she was trying to help bring the topic out in the open... i think she just didnt know what to say...
but soooooooo proud of you for teeling her!
love
maureen
Thanks Maureen! Yeah, I think ED is just twisting her words around to minimize things. My therapist has been encouraging to argue back with ED more, so I thought I'd say what ED was telling me on here so you guys could help me fight back (that sounds crazy)! You affirmed what I (Chelsea, not ED) thought..that she just said that to bring it up. I've had many people express concern. I know I have an eating disorder. For some reason, ED is just trying REALLY hard to make me forget that right now.
Now that it's over with, embarrassment is settling in. I can't believe I told her I was so obsessive about it...I probably sounded crazy.
no you should be proud! hey , it was hard for me to tell my doctor and it was embarrassing but it is needed to get the help we need! we are not crazy we just need help… and by reaching out we are doing the right thing…
and of course ED doesnt want you to think there is a problem, he wants you down in HIS world!
love
maureen
I just read over my last post and it is still sooo hard for me to write the words "I have an eating disorder". Why is that? I post all the time on an eating disorder support group, I see an eating disorder therapist, my life is absolutely ruled by food...Why is it STILL so hard for me to admit?