Hi im a 17 year old girl and i have been facing a eating disorder for years.
It started in summer camp 2 years ago, i wanted to go to camp lose alot of weight and come home looking all skinny and pretty! Everyday in camp i would excersize like crazy and eat supper healthy. i started to become so envolved with my habits that i even neglected my friends and thougth that excersize was more important than hanging out with them. Well i did it, i came home skinny and looking amazing, but when i looked back on that summer i lost alot of my friends. When i got home everyone was so impressed wiht the way i looked but i adventually fell out of it and started eating and not excerszing. During that year i was going on vacation and decided i needed to look like i did that summer. so i excerzied like crazy and barley ate. i was doing crunches every morning and every night. i would run as much as i could during the day and alot of hot yoga. when it came time for the vacation i looked amazing and i hated to eat. After that i became very brittle i limited my diet to only salads and i would sneak in as much excersize as i could. My friends at home realized how skinny i became over the months they told the gudience counslers and that made me very mad and i stopped being friends with them after that. A year after me wanting to be this healthy skinny girl i began to do crazy binges. i would eat as much as i could get my hands on without anyone seeing me. Late at night i would go downstaries and eat as much as i could it was awful. Than i went to a teen tour and tryed to only eat when i absoulutley had too. i became soo skinny than i adventually fell out of it and went out of control with food on my tour. it was soo embarssing everyone noticed how much food i was consuming and i just felt disgusting. This went on a few times. Now starting a new school year all i wanted to do was be a healthy girl. I didnt care about being skinny or whatever i just wanted to be healthy. but i couldnt do it. Every day i would either eat iike crazyy or eat nothing at all and this went on the whole year.
i really need someones support. i started going to a nutrtionist a few months ago because i havent gotten my period in 2 years but that didnt help at all. the nutrtionist gave me a food plan and i just couldnt seem to follow it. i cant believe im still suffering from this i feel so alone :
Hey hun,
You are not alone. An eating disorder is extremely destructive and creeps up on most without us even recognising it. I have been where you were with the "crazy exercising"...I would walk miles, or go to the gym for hours, and nothing or nobody could get in my way. It consumed me so much that I would actually get upset if I thought I can't go because I have to be somewhere else.
It is a very stressful condition.
Now I suffer from binge eating disorder, it is very difficult. I have my good days and bad. However, I have recently decided to return to therapy...I think dealing with an ED is not something you can do without professional coaching and couselling. Would you consider this? You need to get to the route of your issue.
I'm glad your friends spoke to a councellor on your behalf. Because that's what they were doing...it wasn't to attack, it was because they are concerned about you and shows how much they love you.
How are you feeling mentally yourself? You seem stressed. Are you ready to start believing that you can do this and live a life free from your ED?
I know this seems like an uncontrollable, destructive illness for you right now, but seek out the right support and it will get better. You deserve your life back sweetie.
Keep coming back here for support, we are al here for you and understand.
Be strong and keep your head up...one day at a time.
Thinking of you
MG x
Believe me, you are not alone in this. I completely understand the major restriction and extreme binging. I still do that today and it makes you feel a loss of control. I am happy to hear you got help and of course the nutritional plan will be hard to follow at first, but with time it will get easier. Just hang in there. Its also good you are talking about it on this site, because as others have told me here, me just talking about everything is saying I want help and I want to rid myself of my ED.
stay strong :)
allee
Nikki,
Welcome to Support Groups! :) You have already received some wonderful support here! ♥ I hope you'll continue writing and searching for answers.
Moongal is so right about needing professional help with this. It's not something you can do alone. It's great that you have a nutritionist, but you do need to make sure you have a nutritionist with expertise in eating disorders... You need someone gentle with food that can help you change your food rules gradually.
The exercise... Yes it's a big contributing factor for a lot of people. It was a major component of my illness, too. My exercise has been limited by my treatment team. It was really necessary for my sanity. ;0)
As far as the bingeing goes... I'm told it is completely natural for people to begin bingeing after starving for so long. I struggled with it, too... To me, bingeing was the most disgusting and shameful part of my ED... But really, it was just a survival instinct kicking in. I was starving myself... As you are... It's a difficult cycle to break, but breaking it IS possible! ♥ You're going to need help as you learn to eat consistent nutrition, and ignore the urge to starve following a binge... Only by doing so will you break the cycle. It's hard! But it CAN be done! I have not binged since March! :D You CAN do it! :)
Thinking of you, sweetie! So glad you reached out here, and I hope you will continue to write. ♥
Love,
Jen
Thanks so much guys i really apperciate all the support. but i just dont know if i can do it. I want to get help but i can't tell my parents because we dont have that type of relationship at all! My friends notice how my weight shifts because this year at least like once a month i would go on extreme binges and have to go to school! i was so upset because people would see me like this you know? Also i just went through one last night so i feel so digusting right now and i have to see my boyfriend tonight! and i really dont know what to do i have to cancel and i really dont want to :( What you guys have said have really made me feel good that other people understand but i still have so much doubt :(
Nikki, I completely understand what you are going through along with so many other people on this site. I am suprised to hear you talk about your parets because that sounds just like me as well! That was my problem, my parets and I don't connect and I couldn't tell them. Does your boyfriend know? My boyfriend did and when I was ready I told my parents and he was with me the whole time which really helped. Yeah I am still dealing with my Ed but I told them. But your parets reaction may suprised you because my parents did. Telling them won't fix everything but it will get the problem out in the open and maybe take that next step
on your road to recovery :)
I agree that your parents might surprise you. My mom's reaction completely surprised me! When I finally told her, she was relieved because I had acknowledged a problem that she had recognized for a long time but didn't feel like she could discuss with me. There is a lot of baggage in my background with my parents, too, and I know that our communication difficulties really led to my ED. I do not blame them for it, but I also know that I need to acknowledge what went wrong so I can hopefully do some things differently in the future. :)
Keep writing, dear! You're not alone. ♥
Love,
Jen
Hey Nikki,
Sometimes we feel that our parents don't understand us, however they may have been watching on the sidelines for sometime afraid to ask. When you feel ready you should talk to them about it. My mam was delighted when I explained to her how I was, I even had to get info about BED for her because she had never heard about it before, now she is a great support....granted she doesn't understand everything but she tries her best and I feel there is someone right there in my corner.
Hun, there is no shame in you...i know you can feel upset and ashamed about a binge, but please realise these are symptoms of the illness...it's not your fault...you just have to figure out a way to deal with those symptoms...but now you are starting to come to terms with it and that is one hell of step.
Have you told your boyfriend about this. You should if you feel ready of course, because having someone to confide in is vital in recovery, be it a boyfriend, friend or family member...and we are of course all here to support you in any way possible.
I would make the move now to seek therapy, I waited months before deciding to go back, believing I could do it alone...it's not that simple...so it would be worth a million dollars for you to do that for yourself as soon as possible.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
MG x
Thanks again! I've just spoke to my boyfriend and he knows im upset and he wants me to come over but i really just dont want him to see me looking like this! :( I know this problem i have right now i need to fix but i just cant at the moment and all i want to do is be back to who i was and be a normal person. i dont get why this happens to people it really sucks but its really great to know that other people have gone through the same things because when i look around at other people i never find someone going through what i am :( What should i do if all i wanna do is crawl up in my bed all day because i dont want anyone to see me
Hun...been there...so many times. That's the shame of it talking. You have nothing to feel ashamed of, but I understand. What is an nice relaxing thing to do to fight it is..go for a gentle walk it gets you out into the light...or go sit among people in your family.
I know it is so difficult to do right now but it would do wonders. I also find taking a shower really gives me a boost. Or do you have a journal, write all your thoughts into it...even the actual physical act of writing it all out helps...and you can see what exactly you are thinking and feeling, and why you are feeling like that.
Another thing I do, a tip another on the site gave me, was to make a plan for tomorrow. It doesn't have to be anything huge...just plan to wash the car, or do something you've been meaning to do for ages, like giving your room a thorough clean or taking your pet for a walk or maybe even texting a friend you hadn't spoken to ages. It gives you a sense of achievement...you planned that...and you completed it.
I know how it feels to be that low. Have you considered anti-depressants too? I am on some and they are working wonders for me. Now they are not the "cure all" thing...but they do help. It's so tough and I understand your pain, please don't give up, we are here for you.
Thinking of you...your friend
MG x
wow all of you guys have really made me realize im not alone thanks so much. i really do appericate this and im so happy i found this website. I actrolly decided to call my boyfriend this morning and i told him that i can hangout! So im going to go over his house in alittle to watch the soccer game, and yeah im really scared to see his reaction about the weight i've put it in the past 2 days, hes gonna be shocked but i know he loves me for who i am so i decided i dont care as much as i thought. Today i really can't eat anything either i jsut really need to detox my body i feel so gross..but im going to start to eat better and excerize tommorw and hopefully i can develop healthy habits and not go back to what happened the past few days. im so scared of it happening again because its probably the worst feeling in the world when you just want to not do anything and be alone..so im gonna write down my feelings ( which ive gotten from the help of u guys ) and hopefully read it when i feel another binge coming on or deciding to starve myself.
i know that i cant go into thearpy right now i jsut have so much going on with highschool and my friends that this summer i really jsut wanna try to do it by myself even though it feels impossible at the moment i just want next year to be different and get my friends bak and everything!
thank you guys os much for you support
im so happy im not the only person in the world like this!
xoxoox <3
Hey Nikki,
I'm glad you are feeling better. I know you say you've so much going on, but i really would consider seeking therapy, even if it was bi-monthly, it would really get you down to the core of the ED.
I'm only saying this to you because I was the same, thought I could absolutely do it myself, and 6 months later I am still in the same place...BED has a very vicious cycle so, I just want you to look after yourself, so you can get to that point, where you can be ED free.
Keep journalling your thoughts and feelings it really helps too. And keep coming here for support, we all understand and care about you.
Enjoy your time with your boyfriend.
Your Friend
MG x
i hung out with my boyfriend today and it was exactly the same even though i know he noticed how much weight i put on but im happy to know that i could still be myself.
does anyone else feel that ED has taken over there lives? and have you missing out on the world of oppurtunites?
thank you so much by the way for taking the time and supporting me
i really apperciate it and iam a very stubburn little girl but i do need to listen sometimes and i know your right on taking the therpy but i just cant see myself doing it :(
Hey Nikki,
Ya see that is the problem with EDs they go way beyond the spectrum of food and weight...they spread into our social lives, they infest our relationships and they really do place us at risk with our mental and physical health.
The problem I have with BED, is that one day I am flying high...believing I can beat this...this is easy...the next day I've hit rock bottom and I can't see a way out...there is so much "rollercoastering" in it. It's the vicious cycle of binge eating...when you're restriction you feel great, then you binge and you feel terrible and then you start at square one again...just caught up in this same occurance.
But you can absolutely do it. Believe me you can...but do seek professional help. My issues with food started at the age of 15, I am now 27...don't be like me, don't leave it and drift. Believe the old saying...a stitch in time saves nine.
You need not miss out on any opportunities, in fact help and support can show you how to live life along with coping and recovering from an ED.
I would say absolutely go for therapy...even for a few sessions, see how you get on. We are always here to support you of course with any queries, because we know exactly what you are going through.
So keep coming back here and be strong hun, you can beat this.
MG x
Thanks MG and yess i feel the exact same way when you said i can beat this and than hit rock bottom! this happens to me all the time...ill have an aamazing week of healthy eating and alot of working out and than one dayy just put it all to waste! it happens week after week and im just soo sick of it ! :( i feel like ill be like this forever :( im going to try to seek for therapy but i need to do it by myself you know? like not have my parents involve this is something i want to do by my own self. as you could see im very independent and these kind of things i want to keep to myself and not have my parents to nag me about going because than it would make me hate it. its hard to explain but hopefully you catch my drift.
i cant beieve how many years you ahave been going through this..and to think that your 27 your still young but also at the point where your an adult and its good to no that its not just at the age im at and that all people could be going through this.
thanks again for yoru support!
nikki....I'd like to welcome you also. Wow, you sure stirred up the 'girls' on here, a lot of activity! I'm very happy for you that you are reaching out for help, and that you are finding support and a kinship here. We all get it. I also want to encourage you to consider seeking professional help. An eating disorder is a true monster, and while I am a true believer in recovery [Yay!], I could never have done it without professional help...good help!
Take care, and I hope to read more from you....Jan ♥
Hey Nikki,
I absolutely understand if you don't, at this point, want your parents involved. It is an amazing feeling when you decide...ok that's it...I am done with this...I am done feeling like I can't control this...and getting the help you require, that alone will spur you on to the next phase...as it is such a huge step.
It's as if you are taking your life back!
No it's not just the age you're at, at all, but it does require attention.
And hun, don't think that you are putting all your exercising/eating regime to waste when you binge, because at the moment your view of food is very distorted...working through this will help you find your balance with food, so it won't be so up and down... you will help you get back a healthy view of food and a healthy positive attitude about yourself.
Keep talking hun...you're making such progress...we are all here for you.
Thinking of you
MG x
Thanks guys it really helps hearing this..and i've decided that im going to try to do it on my own and do some research of some help and follow a healthy eating plan but also who wants to carry around a piece of paper telling you what to eat? i cant wait to be able to eat like a normal person u no? its hard for me to seek therpy so thats why im gonna try to do it on my own, and if i cant do it im going to try to get to a place to help me.
i never thought i would have an ED and i think thats what scares me the most.
people dont really view me as that type of girl who like has problems and stuff and i no that everybody does but i have a huge one and noone can even see sometimes. except most of my friends just think idont eat because i dont like eating in front of people so i try not to eat when they are..which is also another issue because it really distorts your friendship. so if i have any advice to someone is you have to take control for yourself noone else can
xoxoox
Hey Nikki,
I am so glad to hear you are feeling more optimistic. While I agree with your advice that no one else can do it for you...I am a strong believer in therapy it's like fighting your fight with armour if you will...because i have tried fighting for myself for the last 6 months and I'm still here.
Many people with ED's do feel embarrased by eating in front of people. So that is all part of it, and is you recover this will improve too.
I'm so glad to hear that you are looking at this from a stronger stand point. Keep coming back here for support, we are here for you...you can do this and you are not alone.
Thinking of you and wishing you so much success.
MG x