I went to the gym today...
I weighed myself today...
I see my nutritionist tomorrow...
---I feel like breaking down and crying---
I am frustrated because I am over my range.
I am frustrated because all of my friends are thinner than me.
I am frustrated that I can't skip meals because I am being watched like a hawk.
I am frustrated that I am scared to purge because I don't want to tear my esophagus again...
---I seriously can't take this anymore---
I don't talk to my good friends anymore. None of them know how I am really doing. I need to be back on medication but my dad isn't putting me back on his insurance and I can't afford it on my own. I am slipping into ED habits...and I don't mind anymore. I feel better when I am thinner.
You are a married woman, and you have a husband who knows you are beautiful.
You are smart, caring, and from what I can see, you seem like a genuinely good person.
No matter how thin you get, it will NEVER be enough. You will never be completely happy.
You deserve to be healthy, enjoy your life, and have children!!! You will be an incredible mother.
You CAN get through difficult times, you ARE beautiful.
Tell yourself that, because you deserve it. Hold on to every positive thought you have!!!!!
<3
CC
A...I agree with CC. I know it's harder than anyone can ever know, but you have entered a new phase of your life, and if you want to have a future with your family, children, etc., it's important that you seek new ways of looking at things. You are not a number, and no matter how low your weight goes, it will NOT make you a better person, and b/c of your history, losing weight could increase the severity of your symptoms. I don't think you really want to be in the hospital or treatment again.
What do YOU want for your life? What can YOU do to take control so that others don't have to 'take care' of you?
Independence is frightening too, if you haven't had it. But while it can bring on more complex issues, it also allows you FREEDOM!! If you continue to hold onto the ED, freedom and independence is NOT in your future.
Please think about what is truly important, and what you want/need to do in your life. You have suffered way too long.....HUGS...Jan ♥
Hi Ashley, sorry to hear your not doing so great :/ all I can say is that we all go through dips and highs with our eds and when we're low, were really low. Even tho you don't feel like you can be honest with your friends, I hope/think u do hve that honesty with your hubby who will be there for you no matter what <3
As for gaining weight, I was told to gain 2lbs a week-i think I'm okay with it and that its for my health until I step on the scale and actually see it goes higher; then all hell breaks loose. I wish I had a suggestion for that bit but sadly I'm in the same boat.