Am I good enough?

Hi. I’m a typical teenager, still young. I was in the most best relationship ever! Like ever! He treated me so well like no one ever has been. He was sweet. He was so great, he was handsome, he was funny. I loved him. I really did.
Well what’s wrong? You may ask.
One day. Two weeks ago he decided to break up with me, mental health reasons. Which I get. That broke me but I understood. He promised to get back together when it was better and I agreed.
Today. He posted another girl. It hurt me. It made my gut feel so bad. It made my brain twist and turn. He promised. You promised. How could he move on IN TWO WEEKS. Did he love me? I genuinely know he did. He really did love me. He was the sweetest. But why? Why did he do that? Why did he lie. Is lying the best word? He lied. I don’t know why. Why? Was I not good enough, was I not pretty enough? It broke my heart. It really did. I’ve had four relationships all 3 bad ones. He was the only good one. As I thought. I don’t know if I can trust anyone like I did with him ever again. I’m just a young girl. What did I do to deserve this? I just want a best friend to talk to.

1 Heart

Hi! Welcome to SG: we are here to listen, empathise, and hopefully soothe your battered psyche a little.
Being dumped is never pleasant: been there, done that a Whole Lot in my life. The first time it happens it feels like it’s the end of the world. When it seemed like a “good” relationship, or you had been together for a long time, or the dump came out of nowhere, the feeling of loss is more intense and longer-lasting, but after a while you realise life goes on.
Speculation about whether he loved you, or whether he lied (as opposed to having a change of heart, or not knowing his own mind) is not useful. There are lots of reasons why people want to get out of a relationship, many of which have nothing to do with whether the two of you are good, well-intentioned people or not. Do the best you can to let it go and move on, and don’t blame anyone. This sad feeling of loss will pass, and there is lots of time in your life to try again. You will get better at spotting the warning signs, and doubtless there will be times when you are the dumper :slight_smile:
I’m really sorry to hear that all this has made you so miserable, and I wish I could offer more. Hoping this helps a little. Take care.

1 Heart

Hello @uniquexhah,

We are sorry to hear that you experienced this. Heartbreak at ANY age is not easy, so we commend you for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. We are here to tell you that blaming yourself or your qualities as a person is never going to be the answer to your questions. You are not the person to blame for this, and mentally punishing yourself for something that was not your fault is only going to make yourself feel worse. We are here to support you and to tell you that you are worthy of love, and not the kind that is temporary, but the kind that is permanent. You WILL get through this, you just need to be patient with yourself and practice some self-compassion. With love, SG

1 Heart

Dearest you,
You are worthy, and pretty enough, and smart enough. I remember the loss of my first great love. It took a while but I found my strength and opened my battered heart to being vulnerable again. And it sure hurt watching him move on. How could he move on when I couldn’t breathe!
The thing I’ve learned, in my time, is simply “I am worth every effort.” There is somebody who will find you perfect for all your imperfections. I hope you’ll be the first! Fall in love with you, tend your broken heart and heal your soul.
I’m so sorry he posted with another girl. That is a knife to the gut, but maybe also an opportunity to focus all your beautiful energy on you!

1 Heart

I hate to disappoint you, but even people, who you think have the best intentions, can turn out to be two-faced. Even if he was very nice to you when being together, it doesn’t mean that he’s a good person. It clearly shows what kind of a person he is. Teenage romantic relationships don’t very last long, but what can you do is to least expect to find your other half. Focus on your studies and yourself - relationships are the last thing in your list. And don’t compare yourself to other teen girls that are in relationships - some of them are not capable of keeping their relationships on balance as some of teens are emotionally immature. Allow yourself to feel pain and grief, until you heal and move on.

1 Heart

I can sympathize. I thought I had something with my first girlfriend. I mean, I thought she was perfect. We even set a date to get married. Then, she was gone. No reason was given. She simply disappeared.

A few months later, she walked around the corner back into my life. I was stupid. I accepted her reasoning and was willing to start dating again. She did the same thing. I was down for months. What happened?

The nail in the coffin, though, was when I went for a walk, along an old road, and caught her with one of my friends, in flagrante delicto.

Two things. One, I saw her as I wanted to see her. The other, she never showed me her “whole” self. She had another side to her that was coming out (teen years, controlling family, and first tastes of freedom). Later, after I did get over her, I could see this. But, she had done damage and I had trouble trusting or getting close to anyone for a long time. Honestly, I guess I still do.

Your guy sounds like my girl. A little about her, found out later. In the year after we broke up, she slept with 365 guys, to have a place to stay (she left home too). She stole, hung out with the wrong people, changed jobs regularly because she was embezzling, and also had run ins with law enforcement. Unknown at the time, she was adopted because her natural mother had mental health problems, which were genetic. She was also abused by a “deeply religious” family, a domineering father, sadistic mother, and incestuous, drug dealing brothers. All of this and yet she appeared normal to me and most people. It just goes to show that you never really know someone. Many a wife and husband have said the same thing, after years of marriage, too.

Now, I’ll toss something out there and it may or may not apply. Being male, I have heard my fellow males say many things to girls and women. I have seen how they act when around them and then how they act when they aren’t around. It can be like a light switch. Charm ON, Charm OFF. They can say honey sweet words one second and then bite your head off the next. For a lot of them, the end goal is sex. Once they get that, they are gone. I could try to justify it with genetics and survival, but it doesn’t work. Worse, they know it is a game. They’ll hit you, one minute, with “if you love me, you will.” Then, when caught cheating, they will say “it didn’t mean anything, it was just sex.” OK, so which is it? It really gets sad when they leave children behind or diseases.

So, first, don’t question if YOU were good enough or pretty enough. It isn’t about you. He’s the problem. He moved in, had his fun, and moved on, leaving you behind. Learn a lesson I didn’t. Don’t fall for him if he comes back. He made his choice. You deserve better. Hang in there and you’ll find him. As they say, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. Just make sure you’re looking at frogs and not toads.

Thank you for replying, all these comments have made me feel so much better and im actually moving on more and more every day. I realized how blind I was and I shouldn’t have to question my self worth because of some boy.

So true! And you don’t need any boy/man to validate yourself or look after you. The old saying is that time heals all wounds. Of the heart, it usually does. But it can suck for a while when it first happens. You might not believe it, but you’re stronger than what you think you are.