Holidays bring out the very best but also the very worst in us, all that excitement in giving...but all that anxiety about being crammed back into the family home for a week or so can be difficult.
Things that may help you cope. Establish a space for yourself, if you share a room this can be tougher, but make time for yourself in that room alone, ask the person you are sharing with can i have the room between x-x just to...read a book, mediate, relax, breathe whatever you want to do.
In our house arguements over the internet are common so I will establish a rota for myself fairly in which I get to use the internet at certain times and then at other times it is everyone else's turn.
Decide now what you can do to prevent an arguement going into overdrive...this does not have to mean keep it all bottled up this means taking the adult approach...often when we return to our family home, we also return to the roles we played as children...which does not help when you are trying to be recognised as an adult now.
Establish your needs...make a list...I will need my own space, I will need a lower noise level, etc...for all of this to work together in harmony. Write out your needs and what you can do to achieve it, either go for a walk, ask would people talk softer, etc Always talk to others in a respectful tone.
Offer to help your family too...if you see one member stressed that they have too much to do and you can help, do it, it eases tension and shows that yes I have grown up.
Remember it's not about pushing your family away, it's recognising you're not the same persn anymore and in order to work together you and your family have to be more flexible. Agreeing on terms before hand really helps.
In my understanding, during Holidays, we should think how fortunate we are and how grateful we should be, because we have family and friends,so many people are alone at this time of the year, therefore instead of setting the rules, lets enjoy this gift of Christmas. God bless you all.
Moongal, this was great as many of us do get anxious and stressed at the holidays. I for one get really depressed and I'm not sure why as the holiday season itself is beautiful. I think I should make a list of things that cheer me up when the holiday gets me down
Hey guys thanks,
Sonrisas...i am so sorry you feel down over the christmas, but it is understandable. Sometimes if we have a tendency to suffer from depression and with the impending holiday season looming, our stress levels go up because we have no coping strategy in place. So take time now and set something in place for yourself...so that when you feel yourself going down that you can give yourself a time out...because that's ok, that's not selfish, it's ok to feel how you feel, you don't have to "brave face" for anyone. So just decide your method of coping now...like I will go into my room for a while I will write in my journal. It's not about distancing yourself from your loved ones, but it's about enjoyig the moments you spend with them, but also recognising that you have needs too...and spending time alone really helps to make you realise, ya know what i do matter, I am part of this household, but i am also an individual.
Marcie I am so grateful for my family, I love them to bits, but at the moment I am the only at home with my parents in week there will be 3 more people added to the mix. So you're talking 3 more personalities, opinions, a lot more noise. In my house as it goes, I am the one that holds the least amount of power...I'm recognised a lot less, my opinion is undervalued...I've only started to realise that now through therapy, and it's not their fault either, that's what we were conditioned to, it was an unconscious thing on everyone's side. My mom never favoured anyone it was nothing like that, I just have a high stressed sister who doesn't realise what she is doing but it really is...she says jump and you say how high? In every house there is a dynamic, there are those who hold more power than others..., it's not intended it's just the way the cards fell...those who are quieter, those are more outspoken, those who demand and command. They all have their strong and weak points.
But the important thing is to find your own space, find your comfort zone, a place you can go to if you feel that things are getting the better of you. (Because i can't control anyone else I can only help myself) That way it doesn't cause friction on the family, it causes you to relax cos you've made an important decision to value yourself and value your space. And when you have that space set aside, you are much willing to share more of yourself, cos you have that little space set aside for yourself. It really does strengthen you and make you a better family member.