Hello my friends,
Well, if you know my story you know I am going through hell right now, pure hideous hell. A hell so bad I though about ending my life the other day. I have become crippled, in tons of pain, on medication, have trouble walking and using my arms. The docs think it is fibromyalgia and are giving me meds or it. But I have to go to a rhuematologist to get a real diagnosis. I have been through some of the worst pain in my life, and i have already had one of the most tragic life stories ever. so now, i endure more pain and agony on a daily basis, enough to make my mind go into complete ad utter shock. i feel like i am having a nervous breakdown.
there is a light among the storm, and unexpected rainbow appeared from this tragedy. i wish it was about my medical condition, but that has not changed. I am writing a book of poetry and working with an editor, and the editor loved my poems. She was incessant with her compliments and said my writing took her to the cosmos and back, said it was wonderful. she was so encouraging to me and said i have a great gift. She said she knows the poems will be published. it looks like, it looks like she is trying to tell me something, that she might, publish them. she has been hinting at that for a week now. She has her own publishing company and edits her own book of poetry. She even gave me a FREE copy of it. i didnt ask for it. She said she wanted to help me get them published and said that she could wait to see them published. Does this mean, does this really mean she wants to . I think so! LOL, poets alwasy beat around the bush, lol which works in a poem, lol. But I wish shed come out and tell me. I think she is telling me in so many words.
So, I'm shocked, I'm so happy -this should be the happiest time of my life, It looks like i have found my career, my calling I have been searching for so long. Ok, then why am i sad? Im happy but sad. im sad im in pain all day, am half crippled, cant walk, have severe iBS, cant even urinate right, pain in my back, stomach hurts, joints kill me, heart arythmias, fatigue like crazy, and even more than what i wrote... i am in so much pain all the time.
This shoud be the happiest time of my life, and I am sad. but now, here is a glimmer of hope and i am happier. im so happ i didnt take my life the other night or else i never would have know, LOL that it looks like i am going to become an published author. wow, even as i wrote that it doesnt seem real. these past 3 weeks have been a nightmare, now that nightmare, while it is stilla nightmare, there seems to be a beam of light upon this nightmare. the dream i have always wanted my whole life, is coming true. i pray i do not use the ability in my arms totally.
thanks guys for al ur love and support, u help me out sooooo much...
love u all
Maureen