me and my husband recently seperated, and i moved back into my mothers house. we still talked and he stayed persistant that i was the one he wanted to be with. that we all make mistakes and we could get past everything. i was not too sure about it. i had been scared for a while and knew things were going downhill rapidly. and if things werent complicated enough one of my friends found him on a singles site. after i stared digging i found him on several sites looking for women with specific profiles, and answering personal adds. i dont understand how he can do that and in the same day tell me he loves me and wants me home. i confronted him, which i think was a mistake because i wish i would have watched him longer. he owned up to everything and apologized. thats all hes been talking about. and he changed all of his stuff deleted email accounts. but it all seems to mean nothing. he just knows now that he needs to hide better. and i still feel like hell just find a new way. like he will have the life he tells me and then has the life online. i still feel like its going to happen and hell just hide it better. and i feel like everything i read online was how he really felt. and it was only 5 days ago when he did this and i found it all yesterday. i am an emotional wreck. i feel betrayed because he was so sure that this was going to work. and he wanted it. now i feel angry and bitter and cant get it off my mind. i dont know what to think anymore. i didnt before all of this. now im just angry. and hurt. and dont know if anything is genuine anymore.
I know this is very hard, but if you don't have trust in a relationship it will never work out. If you love him and you cannot see yourself without him please start working things out. Trust him, and have him trust you. Work things out before its too late.
Some people cannot not, for the life of them, change. If you feel THAT insecure about your husband and your marriage/relationship, then indeed, it is time to walk away.
It will be EXTREMELY hard to do so. But in the end, it will be rewarding to know that you no longer have to live with that shadow of doubt. And you will be free to find someone that WILL BE faithful to you exclusively.
McManda, Welcome to SupportGroups.com Your gut instincts are SPOT ON & the patterns of his behavior will continue unless he wants to help himself & even sometimes that doesnt always work for some people for it usually lies in ones past history, the way they are raised, genetic links if applicable, traumatic experiences, WHO they meet up w/in life that may enable their behavior or co-dependent it. I'm sorry for what this person did to you & yes it will be a long process in trying to make any sense of it. More often then not one so WANTS TO BELIEVE that it will or can be fixed in one form or another but will take both parties willingness. Get ready for a long emotional awareness time if you decide to stay w/this person.
Take care of you.
April
Thanks every one. it is an emotion roller coaster. and sometime he seems so beleivable. and then hell say something and its like a red flag and alarms are going off in my head and im seeing red. and im finding it hard to find a balance between being vulnerable and just running back and pushing it away because i dont want to feel vulnerable. sometime i beleive him and sometimes i feel like theres still secrets and still other girls... and maybe even if it goes away i feel like it will happen again.
Amanda, I understand you've just begun go easy on yourself as much as possible & would be wise to lead w/caution in reference to wanting to know more or too much about his secrets, I only know this from experience & some of it never goes away & might last a life time, I have faith in myself that one day it wont be a glit on my radar screen, only time will tell.
All my strengths.
April
I think i want to get it all out there because i dont want to find something in 6 months. or next week or whenever. i just want to take time back process my thoughts and feelings and go from there. hopefully my marriage doesnt end during this time :-/
I am going through a similar situation. Broken promises and lies. How can someone say to your face they love you and then behind your back they are looking for other people to date or have sex with on the internet...that is not love???
I am trying to figure out how to cope with this to and the only thing that I have found that is working is praying to God about it. It is so painful to know that someone I love so much would do something so hurtful.
Take it day by day and focus on you:^) Don't let this get your self-esteem down. I know it is hard but who knows what the future may hold..... You'll know when it is time to move on. :^) I have given my husband an ultimadum...he can choose his dating site and porn addiction over me or he can choose to love me and his beautiful babies...It should be an easy choice, right?
Much love,( you deserve the best...remember that:^)
Julie
Ok so i thought we were having a good night we went to the gym its great for blowing off steam (especially when he and the girl on the other side of you keep checking each other out) you tend to run a little faster and burn a few more calories. well ive been really listenting to my heart and my gut instincts say hes still being sneaky. well when he was in the shower i looked on his computer. and i found a whole brand new email account and aim account. and its not the one he just gave me. im actually a little crushed. and im scared to even look further but i feel like i need to know for sure. it really is playing games with my head. and he said before he did stuff just so id find it. so i feel like i cant say anything but also i feel hes still doing it. being sneaky and talking to other girls. which i can accept. but i HAVE to know for sure. i feel wrong for doing it but i dont want to fix a marriage that is never going to get better. we have to be able to be honest with eachother. MAN I WAS HAVING A GOOD DAY TOO!!! now i feel down in the dumps again....sigh.
Hang in there Amanda...The only thing you can do is tell him to choose...you or these other girls. It sounds like he is running all over you and doesn't care...
I think you should act like you don't care for awhile.....Fall in love with yourself...this is something I have been doing and I am starting to realize it is not my fault or my problem the choices my husband makes.
I just keep praying and trying to stay as healthy and happy as possible. Without my faith I wouldn't be ok...but with it I am.
Put your foot down:^) I was watching Joel Osteen the other day and he was saying to say positive things out loud everyday! It makes a difference...Tell yourself "I deserve the best" I am beautiful" I am smart" I am something and I don't deserve to be treated like this'.
Much love and keep letting it out...it will help you in this time in your life:^)
Hugs!
he spins it back on to me and tells me i have choose between my friends and him. that i dont give direct attention and he expects me to not talk to my friends when im around him and when im talking to him. which is almost constantly becasue he is so clingy. so i guess im not suppose to talk to any one anytime in his eyes. but of course thats not gunna happen. my friends support me. and hes just confusing its oh i support you and then you cant talk to them when your talking to me. i dont want to give up what we have but i dont want to give up myself either…
That honey, is CONTROLLING and abuse. When they twist it back on the one that they are abusing and stating that you are not to talk to ANYONE ELSE other than him when he is around, that is a RED FLAG to get the hell out. Now.
You ARE giving up yourself by staying with him. You would gain MORE of yourself (in time) by walking away.
That is mental, emotional, and verbal abuse.
Amanda, he cant turn things back around onto you IF you dont let HIM & usually when a person does that THEY are protecting/hiding something & DECEPTION has no place in a relationship.
Amanda,
Don't let him abuse you..you have to put your foot down.
Much love:^)
i think it is time for you to walk away. if you have all these doubts then it wont work. you will always worry about what hes doing when your not around. Maybe there were hints along time ago that you didnt notice. Find out what you really want and make a decision. sometimes we get so comfortablein relationships that we just settle.
make the best choice for you so you can be on the path to healing.
Hugs.
Quin
Okay Ladies,
All the fed back for Amanda has been interesting. However, Something or someone has been forgotten in the fed back. (The husband.) Something may be seriously wrong with him as to why he finds comfort in the web sites. The problem and the solution may be with you Amanda. Your husband needs you to help him. One thing you have to admit to yourself is that when he says "I love only you" it's believable because it is true. Find help for yourself and your husband. Trust your instincts. Don't run just yet.
I understand what you are saying jujubee...My husband is a porn addict and I am helping him through this hard time...even though it is really hard for me. Getting counseling is always the first option but if that person refuses to get help....it may be time to at least walk away for awhile.
Much love,
Julie
jujubee, something being wrong w/her husband & seeking help/counseling was mentioned in post #3.
I think that if somebody truly loves you, they don't need to look for other people on Internet or wherever else.You are supposed to be enough.If you are not -it's not "love" it's only using this word-meaning "I like you" or "I am used to be with you" or such. I think no amount of therapy or counseling can change this.Some people even just can't feel love.they feel something,ok, but as for me- I don't care to know what.
. In my case, I decided to by lie detector/and I'm very interested what you people think about this?/ Imagine to get rid of your suspiciones or to confirm them once and for all? Maria
Lie detector????? Thats extreme. Guess that depends on what type of person one really IS & whats going on inside of THEM.