Some of my friends have already started to ask me what I would like to do for my birthday, which is in a cuple of weeks. I can't even think about my birthday right now. I know they will all want to go out and celebrate, go clubbing, go for dinner, make a big deal out of it all. Am I sad in not wanting to do any of that??? Every year I go out, I do what I think they will all like to do, but I hate all of it, clubbing really isn't my scene, I hate dancing, hate being in night clubs, hate being around drunken men, big groups of people, feeling like everyone is looking at me, feeling uncomfortable, ugly, so self conscious. I feel as though I should do what is best for everyone else and what everyone else will enjoy, I don't want to appear selfish, I want everyone to have a good night. I just don't think that I can do it!! I don't know what to do, I don't want to annoy anyone!!
It's my birthday soon also, while I dont have many friends left to offer to take me out, there are 3 girls that want to take me out for a night on the town....I have politely declined in every way i see humanly possible, but its like they arent taking no for an answer...I'm at the point where it feels like its almost like they want the night out for THEM rather then to actually celebrate MY BIRTHDAY. Know what I mean? I'm just not up to celebrating this year, i've had a rough few weeks, like NYE i just plan on sleeping the day away..
Lace and Gina...If your friends truly want to celebrate YOUR birthday, then what YOU choose is what counts. If you would rather do something quiet, with only a few people, in your home (or whatever), that is your right. If you don't wish to celebrate because you don't think you are worth it, it might be good to challenge that, and accept that others value you and do want to honor you on your birthday. I understand how an ED can sap your desires and limit your ability to feel joy, but maybe there is a compromise that you CAN enjoy doing, that will also involve allowing your friends to honor you....wishing you good days ahead....Jan ♥
Thanks Jan. I understand what you are saying. It's me that is making myself feel like this, putting pressure on myself to do right by everyone else and make sure that I do not upset or hurt others feelings. I am so paranoid. I don't feel worthy of being celebrated at the moment, well, I never have to be honest. I don't like to be centre of attention, to have everyone concentrating on me, I would rathert the day just goo by like any other day. So I guess you are right and I should challenge that thought / feeling. I have suggested to my friends to come over to my flat and have dinner with me here and then we can play board games or play the wii after. I will see what the response is? Fingers crossed they won't think I am a sad and pathetic loser for not wanting to go out like other people do on their birthdays.
Gina, when is your birthday? I definitely do know what you mean. I don't have that many friends either. But you know what they say... you can count your good friends on one hand. So they must be good friends, and I hope they do what is right for you, likewise, I hope my friends see it too.
xx