Hey all,
I need to post the events of my day yesterday. I have been alone in my house all week because my husband and 3 children are at camp. I will be picking them up on Sunday (tomorrow). I feel as though I have been deprived of human contact - and yet it has left me with time to get LOTS accomplished!!!! ;)
So yesterday I was in a road race - I ran 10Km. I do not usually run this far. I am more of a 5Km runner. I went for the challenge this time though. I tried to be supper postitive pre run. I can do this, way to go, you are doing this for you and no one else etc...
So the race is about to begin. One, I get my period in the morning - WHAT!!! I am so irregular and think nothing of it and what decides to land on my doorstep when I least want it to. Two, I go to turn on my ipod and it is dead - DEAD. I have no music. Three, I ate a little bit earlier so I could handle the run and what do I do after eating it - purge. I felt so gross and bloated after eating that I felt I had to purge or else I wouldn't be able to run at all.
So with all that said the gun goes off and I run. I thought I did okay for 7K. Then I realized I was the very last runner. I was coming up to a water station and thinking I so need this water and what do I see - it was taken down. No water. So I thought okay their will be one more water station at the 9K mark. Guess what - The lady was in her truck driving by me about 200 meters from the station. She says to me out the window "You are doing great but I hope you don't want any water" That broke me. I started to cry while I kept trucking along. The last kilometer was soooo hard. The guys on bike who were circling to make sure everyone was okay were pulling up my rear. I felt like such a loser!!!!
When I crossed the finish line I thought I was going to puke again but didn't. After a second to catch my breath - literally!!! I go to find my time. They didn't post it because I was the last one and the lady was all packed up. I was lucky to catch her just before she actually drove off and she found my time for me - 1 hour and 10 minutes. I was proud of myself in one way because I did it but was devasted at being the last one to cross the finish line and for everyone to have packed up forgetting me (water station people and timer). One good thing was that no one could see my horrible time posted up anywhere.
I walked home crying. How could something I should be so proud of make me feel like such a failure?? I cried for some time when I got home too.
I thought a good rest and sleep and I will feel more positive about it in the morning. Well it is morning and I am not much more positive about the whole thing.
I feel again that I suck and am not good enough. I would love to go crawl under my rock and hide for a long while.
Anyway, thanks for allowing me to vent here. Maybe I will feel beter in a bit now that I vented a little.
Hoping everyone finds a little peace and tranquility in their day.
Love and hugs
Shana