Ok, so I'm still doing alot of researching for my own knowledge. And I come across this website with books on how people with BPD are abusive to people around them.
I dont understand.
copy and paste below and tell me what you think.
http://dalkeithpress.com/info/borderline-personality-disorder.aspx?utm_content=THishe-notcrazy-LrnDis-stopAb&gclid=CIfnjuebwqMCFc9N5QodEGRIbQ
The only people that have personally labelled me as abusive are 1) my mother (who has BPD) and 2) an abusive ex of mine who always turned the tables ontp me when I questioned him. It's an accusation I've learned to ignore.
Wow thats really scary to read. I have never been diagnosed but I feel like I have many of the symptoms. How can we stop being like this?
Hi Beautiful Dizzaster,
I read some of what this individual wrote, but I stopped at "you are not the crazy one" and "these people." As a borderline, I have to admit that many of my behaviours have been verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive to those I love, although never intentionally have I set out to injure another. In my desperate attempts to avoid abandonment, I have said and done things I am not proud of, including thrown temper tantrums, self-injured, and verbally attacked the people I love - yes, projecting my fear and shame onto them. However, I have also apologized and taken responsibility for my behaviours and learned to overcome them through hard work, therapy, and the grace, mercy, and healing of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
Beautiful Dizzaster, when you are researching borderline, it is so important to check out who is writing the material. Look at the credentials of the author, and if you cannot find any review of the work and the person that are helpful, and if the person writes in a manner that is disrespectful, such as this author does, I would disregard the person's work. For although the man does not speak total untruths, he does speak with venom backed with apparent bitterness toward a group of people - including myself, as I do have borderline - and his attitude indicates to me that he has had a negative experience that he is taking out in the form of projection through his writing. There is absolutely no objectivity in his writing, and it paints a picture of borderlines as hopeless monsters, a picture which is absolutely untrue.
Authors I would recommend are Marsha Linehan and also Robert O. Friedel, M.D., both of whom are professional and respectful in dealing with the disorder. Also you can look up About.com and subscribe to a newsletter on BPD that will come to your inbox on a regular basis that can be very helpful.
God bless you, and do not believe in hopelessness for a moment! You are beautiful and you are not a disaster!
bapearl
Sometimes I think articles like these are written by people who have just been deeply scarred by relationships with people with BPD. I have been diagnosed and I would honestly label my own self as abusive. But I am not out to get anyone. I am not hurtful intentionally. I know I drive the people around me crazy at times but.. this article just makes it sound so...malevolent. And in my experience it's not. I think the author is a **** with a lot of baggage and a skewed understanding.
I am right with bapearl and Me- As I am inside. I have said things that would probably categorize as abusive; maybe emotionally or verbally. I'm not proud of it but I guess I can see it. However, I very much disagree with a lot of the writings out there. I don't think abusive should be the word of choice. When I am in the middle of that fear of abandonment, I can get verbally nasty. Usually, however, it's mixed with this desperation for that person to help me. It's that whole push-pull thing. However, like stated above; consider the source. I usually am offended when I read things that people have written who do NOT have BPD. They don't understand so it's like this terrible abusive disease and we just are so mean to people and 'can't' love (I have also read that and that bothers me). Someone who does not have it, can't speak about it. It's one thing for them to talk about there experiences with Borderlines, but it should not be an educational lesson on Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is so complex that even the psychology world doesn't know much about it and avoids it. So who are these every day people to go on making educational statements like that? I find this on all of the websites for 'families of loved ones with BPD'. I hate it and it hurts to be honest. However, some of the greatest books I've read about BPD, were written by therapists who have went on the journey with BPD patients and have a real understanding of what we go through, what it is that causes the symptoms and behaviors, and what it is that we need to move forward, and not backward. It's stuff like what you read, that really puts us in a hole in the very least. It is also known that every Borderline is different; just like every other illness. Not everyone will show the exact same set of symptoms or behaviors and some are higher functioning than others and so on. We get categorized and judged; it's just wrong.
well I have heard I can be manipulative or sneaky when in certain situations, but I think its more like Im trying to protect myself. If its with a guy, something being said about me especially, I become very defensive and sensitive to people talking about me. I feel like my whole life people have had nothing to talk about then negative things about me and I cant help it makes me angry. I think theres a difference between abusive, a person that wants to beat you because they want to teach you a lesson or take out their agression, and the person lashing out because they feel like they are in a corner, like they are trying to protect their dignity or just scared.
I am a borderline and I would research it too and sometimes people would describe borderlines as these terrible people who want to hurt everyone around them. That's not true for most borderlines. The emotions we experience are so incredibly strong "it's like 3rd degree burns on the inside of our bodies". It's not fun for the borderline or the other person/people. A lot of writings are biased, meaning people who had bad experiences with someone with BPD are hating on them and all of them because they don't really understand it. I never try to intentionally hurt anyone's feelings or be abusive, yes i can be sometimes and when I get out of my "mood" I apologize. It's not okay but it's better to be aware and make the other people around you aware that you're sorry and don't mean to say or do the things you do. BPD is so hard to deal with, and only recently after a lot of self-exploration have I gotten better with handling my emotions. I used to think it was impossible but now I believe it's achievable with hard work and understanding of yourself and self-control. It's so crippling to have BPD so the people who write about it who don't HAVE IT have no right to be as cruel and rude as some of them can be.