Not sure exactly where this post should go , but relationships and self-care seem to be the underlying topics that I’m facing at the moment. So, I’m still a married man who has determined that my marriage relationship was no longer fitting me. My current wife and I have been separated for almost a year now in two separate places and almost 2 years if you count that I lived in a separate part of the house for almost a year. There seemed to be years of built-up resentment and other negative feelings that contributed to the break up on my end. We briefly tried marriage counseling but that was unsuccessful. Prior to that, I was married for 8 or 9 years and that relationship ended in divorce for similar reasons. Immediately as both relationships were coming to an end, and as I began what I considered a healing process (loving and doing for myself), someone else came along by sheer chance and I started a deep relationship with them. Hence the current relationship I am in. It began all lovey-dovey and we talked for hours each day. Recently something changed and I’m not entirely sure whether it is both of us or one of us (I take it that the infatuation/honeymoon stage has ended), and I’m left feeling ambivalent about whether I want to go on trying to keep the relationship going. However, I can’t quite place the feelings and am afraid to approach my now lover about them. I fear that I have placed myself in another situation where I will start to drift from my current boo and try to start healing on my own again–and then I will eventually feel like the relationship is a lost cause and I will hit the eject button and pull away–then, someone new will come along and I’ll get right back into the same cycle again. I don’t know if the answer is to let go of the current relationship and try to heal fully for real this time, or to stick it out. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. 
If you feel you are in a cycle where your relationships end badly or you contribute to them ending in a way that you aren’t okay with, consider therapy to figure out what you want in a relationship and to figure out what you bring to a relationship and how you can do better the next time around. If you want to be in a relationship while divorcing, that is up to you, but it does feel rushed and a little messy.
I appreciate your frank advice. Thank you.
Obviously you like being in a relationship and that is great, but I worry that you NEED to be in a relationship to function and that isn’t healthy.
Ouch, I felt that. I think I’m learning that about myself.
“Need to be in a relationship to function” – I’m really pondering that one.
I just know that some people need to be needed and on one hand that is great, you like to care for others, but sometimes your own needs get missed when you are caring for others.
Hugs friend, sorry you are going through such a hard, rough patch.
That’s a fact. The universe keeps telling me to learn to love yourself–then you can love and be loved by others. That’s what I’m working on. Thank you.
You have to be happy with yourself and love your mate but when ups and downs in life occur you will be there to learn how to get through those situations.
That is a huge and amazing lesson to learn!