My girlfriend has been AMAZING through everything I have put her through battling my eating disorder. She has stood by me through relapses, hospitalizations, etc. She has put up with my lying and manipulation when it comes to food. I have never lied to her about anything, other than food. We have been together 9 years, and I have never had anyone in my life that has loved me for "ME". She is everything to me.
The other day she told me "You are determined to kill yourself, and you are forcing me to watch."
The only think I could think of to say was "I'm sorry". How do you make up for putting someone through the hell of an eating disorder and the wreckage and damage that it causes to everyone who loves you. How do you apologize for being so damaged? It hurts me so badly knowing how much I hurt her, how much my ED hurts her. Knowing that she loves me SO MUCH that it breaks her heart to see me self-destructing. I feel so guilty.