I am wondering if I will ever be ok. After being married to a narc for 15 years and still having to deal with her daily I feel like I can myself losing the ability to recover. It has ruined my self-esteem, my self worth, my trust for other people. Even though I know why I feel the way I do and that it is a side effect of the narcissistic abuse it seems like I am too far gone to ever be OK. The sadness inside me is overwhelming. I cry at the slightest thought of suffering. It could be anything ; a song, a news story, a story I read my daughter. Whenever I hear something sad I immediately tear up. It feels like I have swallowed my pain to the point where there is no where left to store it. I didn’t really know anything about narcissist before I met my ex-wife. I knew something was strange about her emotionally by how she could just be extremely cruel without feeling bad in the slightest. It made me feel like I was worthless. I still have a long way to go before I can get away from her. My daughter wont be 18 for another 11 years. Its too much to even think about. She cannot leave me alone. She constantly texts me even though I don’t respond unless its something to do with kids. It feels like I will be alone for the rest of my life for fear of falling for another narc.
My mother was married to a narc for 30 years. She is with someone lovely now and neither have a desire to marry. I thought for years, why didn’t she leave, but being on the site, I kind of understand more and more. Maybe make a slack channel to communicate with her. Look online, there are so many stories like yours of how you coparent with a Narc. I know it sucks, it does, but don’t let her steer the course of your