I have been in a relationship for 5 years. She is the love of my life. She is the emotional type and constantly needs reassurance. I have been very close with her and her family since the beginning. Her dad was recently diagnosed with colon cancer and it has been hard. I have been becoming increasing jeolous because I work alot and she has been seeking attention from her co-workers (who claim to be harmless) but I don't agree. She says she loves me and knows I am the one for her but she also said maybe now is not the right time and she just needs space.
She moved out yesterday after I made a fool of myself the previous night in a drunken stooper texting her ultimatems to choose me or her friends. She saids she chooses her and left. I actually cried all day before begging (literally) for her to stay. I haven't slept or ate in days and I feel like I can't cope. I know I screwed up in the way I acted and behaved I just felt hopeless. What do I do to get her back?????
I'm not sure if this is the kase but do u think that she may be pulling away from u kuz of her dad's illness??? and perhaps that her wanting to spend more time or hang out with her co-workers is they don't know and it'z a distraction.
As far as getting her back i'm not sure as of what exactly to do other then maybe just be paitent and just let her know that u are here for her. I hope this was helpful and if u need more feedback i kan try my best to provide good advice
Hey scrud, I feel your pain. You seem very anxious at present. You seem to really love this girl and obviously care very deeply about her family too.
I think you may need to take a step back though? Has she done anything to make her doubt her love for you? It is sometimes that when we want to control things, that are more out of control. Don't demand anything from her, let her see you as the kind, loving, gentle person you always were. Allowing her to have a life away from you, will let her see how wonderful you are and she will always come back to you.
I think you may also need to take some time out for you and ask yourself, why are you really acting so eractically towards her? There is obviously some vulnerability bubbling under the surface and it is something that you need to deal with, to be part of a good healthy relationship.
Warmest Wishes
Moongal
Thanks Moongal, I think first I have to stop drinking. Second I have to give her space. The thing I just can't wrap my head around is that we were awesome for 5 years! When I say good I mean we made other people happy watching us. Nothing could break us, then in 1 month of me binge drinking I broke it down and pushed her away. Now I try to text her and I get the 1 line responses. She came by before work yesterday and laid in bed. I rubbed her back and she started to cry. I asked if she wanted to be alone and she did so I left the room. Man she looked so good lying there and I really believe she wants to come back, I just have this FRIGGIN type A personality where I can't NOT wana talk to her! I promised her if she came back i wouldnt drink anymore, but i don't think she believes me. I have never lied to her nor has to me so I can't think she doesn't believe me? I think she is scared to come back to "Drama". If I hadn't drank the past few nights we were together she would still be here!!! what's going on?
Hey Scrud,
You seem a little better. Giving her space is such an important thing at times like these.
Do you drink often?
Making a big promise like stopping drinking is a commitment, that's why she probably finds it so hard to believe.
She may well want to come back to you very much but talking and "badgering" someone to come back won't make it happen. Let her know you love her, you didn't mean to hurt and whenever she feels like talking, you are here for her. Take as much pressure off her as possible, she is also going through a tough time at home at the moment, so she needs you to be a comfort.
You also should make a firm commitment to yourself, to support your girlfriend in gaining new friends and don't let it threaten you. Go out together with them, when you can and listen to her stories about work. She needs positivity from you about her work colleagues, so she will feel she can share the experience of her day with you.
Please take time out for yourself to question, what need is not being met here? Is it just that things are changing a bit in the relationship? Have you felt like this for a while? If you can pinpoint it, you'll get through it a lot faster. You are obviously hurting too, but there is something that is causing that behaviour and you're better off dealing with it now, than hoping it goes away.
Warmest Regards
Moongal
Well here's a new one for you.....The guy that I was sooo worried about i do becomes friends with him. Over the last month we have gone out together and with everyone as a group. I had to call my "ex" girlfriend although we've been broken up for 24 hrs, to come let me in the house cause i locked the keys out. She showed up in 5 minutes in flip flops, spandex and a t-shirt....hmmmm Boy if I know my girl she aint out on the town shes at someones house chillin. Who lives that close to me???? guess....yep! so I went to his house saw her car there and low and behold I am over it. Is it just me or is that completely F$%^ED up. I know we are broken up know but geez, I thought her head need to be cleared, I thought her family needed her, I thought she had no inappropriate feelings for this guy. And the day she moves the rest of her stuff out and gives me the "I need space" line, I catch her at this dude's house till 4 am.......cmon. Please tell me Im overacting because if i see her again im a go nuts!!!
So she was at her colleagues house until 4 am? Although it does seem rather suspect, maybe the situation was very innocent.
The next time you see her, I think you should just ask her, why she was over there at that time. Don't ask in a threatening manner, more enquire at least you'll know exactly where you stand.
Although, it may be difficult to do, try and keep your calm. I know when we feel we've been hurt or betrayed by a loved one the first thing we want is to release the tension that is building.
Try and clear your mind and think about exactly what you want to say in a good communicative way, rather than an angry rant. At the very least if worst comes to worst and your relationship ends, which I hope it doesn't, you can finish with your head up high and say that you acted like a man and kept your cool.
It's probably plaguing your mind a lot too, so you should try and get out, go for a run, have a boys night, meet the lads for a game of soccer, make sure to pack up the schedule...I know you said you work very long hours, so make free time all about you for a change.
I hope you are feeling ok.
Warmest Regards
Moongal