Cheating / sexting

Did some checking on my husbands phone and found out he’s been sexting and texting with an old friend. He’s been chatting with her for some time now. Any thoughts on how to proceed or how to approach him? I’m just so pissed

Is this the first time, or is this a pattern? Do you trust him or has he given you ample reasons not to trust him? These are all questions you need to ask yourself and then approach him matter of factly. I saw the texts, this isn’t something I am okay with, how do we proceed from here. -SG

Thank you for your response. He has cheated on me but it’s been maybe 20 years. This was an actual affair with physical contact. He is a narcissist to be quite honest. Now he’s sexting with someone he’s known for years and she’s loving it as well kinda like invited him to do more… wtf

That isn’t love, so now you have to decide, is this enough, have I finally reached the end of what I can take? If so, look online, there are a lot of resources how to successfully divorce a narcissist, because they are so mean and callus, you need to be prepared for how vindictive they can get in a divorce. -SG

If you have been down this road before, you shouldn’t even hesitate to confront him with what you have found. Even if it’s not physical it’s hurtful to you and that should be all that matters. There should be lines drawn as to what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to anyone outside of the relationship, otherwise you can never retain any trust.

And to be honest, it would be easy to lump anyone who has cheated as being a narcissist, but that probably isn’t true. Many people struggle with temptations yet aren’t really self absorbed to the point of a clinical narcissist. I’m not saying this is or isn’t the case with your husband, but often people that have affairs just as much enjoy the risky nature and “thrill” as much as not more as the attention.

But in either case, texting and sexting isn’t cool unless he was given a green light to do so.