There have been several posts here regarding communication difficulties in relationships, and I am especially interested in this topic as I am trying to make a long-distance relationship work. I found this article to be very helpful and I plan to share more;
"For you to have a successful relationship, it is vital to have effective communication.
In fact, studies show that the number one reason for a successful relationship and a marriage is good communication between the two partners, whereas, the number one reason why relationships and marriages fail is poor communication. Contrary to what many people believe, successful communicators are made, not born. Being a successful communicator involves learning, or improving upon, a specific set of skills. The key elements of the communication process will help you to avoid miscommunication and greatly enhance your chances of having a successful relationship or marriage.
Most people think they know a lot about communicating because they spend so much time doing it. Linguistic experts tell us that we spend from 70 to 90 percent of our waking hours in some type of communication activity, but just because people are communicating, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're doing it well. Communication can be defined as a two-pat process in which information is provided clearly and unambiguously, and in which it is received accurately and without defensiveness. By communicating clearly, a successful relationship is much more viable...."
Source:
http://www.heartchoice.com/successful-relationship-article.php
Thanks for sharing this article! I agree that communication is key to a healthy relationship. I found it insightful that it brought up about how men are more direct/whereas women are more indirect & this leads to miscommunication problems. I have seen gender differences being the cause of miscommunication in my own marriage & other friends relationships. I also thought it was interesting how it brought up that couples have better communication if they spend a significant amount of high quality alone time together. I think miscommunication problems often arise when couples have children because they often fail to spend quality alone time together. In my own marriage, my husband and I only set aside 1 offical date night each month to spend quality & fun alone time together. Maybe it would help my marriage if we tried to increased that to a weekly date night. WIth children & other daily duties it is hard to take time for quality alone time w/ one's significant other & often parents feel guilty for taking time for themselves-but I see now that it might be what is needed for a healthy relationship & better communication. Thanks again for sharing.
Hi Marisol, thank you for your insight on relationship communication. You are so right in that I have seen couples get off track when they spend less and less alone time together, and most especially when they have children. I think that it's so important to try to maintain your relationship, as the two of you, outside and away from everything and everyone. If you can up your one-on-one time to weekly [rather than monthly], I think that you'll start to notice a big difference. This will allow you two to really re-connect and get on the same page.
I have found the reason my relationships have failed was because of no communication, in the case of my last relationship what was loving became bitter, it got to the point that we wern't talking anymore, and i tried so hard to get her to talk to me that i may have made it worse..... It was not a two way street, I had to do things her way or the Highway, and unfortunately it wasn't going to work for me. Got to controlling, then the arguments, she would never talk to me, it was just texting all the time what i was doing..... I hated it, then, I would lose my cool and retalitate.... I was so pissed off because she treated me I felt very unfairly.
Yes, we had great communication, outstanding, then over time it got to the point that All I got was text messages, then fewer and fewer...then the fights, and part of the problem was that she was passive aggressive with the communication, withholding deliberately, the silent treatment, well that made things worse... to the point of telling me off, and away she went.
I tried to get her to understand these things... But no, I was the problem. Tried to get her to go see a councelor with me to ferret out the issues, Nope... I was the problem. She has anger mgmt issues, but when I pointed it out, she would just say.... I don't care.
I realised that she knew if she went to counceling with me, that she would be exposed like I was.... you see, I have found that counceling is good for getting all the crap out in the open so you can fix and deal with the issues... she knew that as well.... Unfortunately, she must of not loved me enough to want to work on it..... Relationships are a two way street, and if you can't get both sides to agree, you are sunk.
Ron, thank you so much for sharing with me, I really appreciate it. You are right in that counseling would have really put it all out there and I am sure she was afraid of that. And, relationships are 100% a two-way street. If one party is not willing to work on the relationship, then it won't head in a positive direction.