My grievances? We’ll, let’s see:
I am just too nervous to approach women for a variety of reasons; past humiliation, fears of women interpreting my approach as harassment (where IS the line?), and my mother never taking my emotional struggles that seriously (not giving me enough confidence). Some of that is my fault and it pisses me off. Some of it could be my autism and/or its limitations, which pisses me off and confuses me. It fills me with resentment. Nobody told me “Autism won’t let you do everything”, even though that would have been the smart thing. As a kid, you’re told you can do “anything.”
And women STILL won’t approach men at all either because of college, because of some offensive expectation of us having to approach them, or fear of being “slut shamed.” Can we as men just make a permanent vow never to slut-shame anyone ever again just so this doesn’t continue (and yes, slut shaming shouldn’t be done because it is wrong)? From today onward, I will not tolerate slut shaming in any form. This “liberation of gender identities” thing has been good in many ways until you still expect men to do things for you and variously call it being a gentleman or exerting feminist power on the privileged male. Don’t deny it. Don’t believe me? My first date, when I brought up payment for the movie we were seeing, she said, “you can pay it.” She did get a second date, where she asked me to buy her roses. What is this shit? I don’t deny some men go along with being a gentleman because they feel acting the gentleman benefits them, or that men may still tell you to not be overly assertive.
BTW, is the whole “getting friends so you’re not so hung up or misogynistic about not having a girlfriend” thing sort of discriminatory against introverts? What if I can’t make enough friends to satisfy myself? What if I’m naturally an introvert; could that be held against me in a society where men are supposed to be growing more social? I once had an okay number of friends in middle and high school, but I was stupid enough to let them go and not really keep up making friends or doing fun things afterwards. Now I have minor work friends and one person in my psychology class I say “hello” to, and he annoys the hell out of me. This is my social life.
I’ve just started, relatively speaking, expanding my social attempts. I was able to be kinder to myself before with my failures and inability to measure up to what I perceive everyone else is like.
A potential solution stated to this problem by another user on this site was to only date neurodivergent women, maybe because I just can’t get in tune with the neurotypical ones. Partly I want to date neurotypical women to prove I am just as good as the neurotypical assholes (y’all never missed an opportunity to point out, mock, belittle, or otherwise make me feel like I’m weird, did you?). It would feel like giving up and surrendering to being inferior, like the people who suggest I only date neurodivergent women think that’s what all I am capable or deserving-of.
The worst part of all this may be my addiction. My therapist and I believe due to psychological reasons, my addiction is contingent on whether I feel socially accepted or loved; a problem having a girlfriend might solve. My addiction creates an EXCRUCIATING experience; you wouldn’t want it for all the money in the world. I could be cured if I have just one relationship with one woman. Until them, my best bet is to find a significant number of friends that would counter my loneliness.
I’m just trying to figure this out. I don’t mean to offend anyone.