I am new on this but i guess desperate for some advice or help. I read about online support groups and....here I am. I am married with 3 small children. i married my college girlfriend and we have been together for 10 years. Over the last couple years I have felt like she is less and less interested in me. I havent gained weight or anything, in fact tried working out and became more concerned with my appearance to attract her. She says she loves me and I believe her but when it comes to intimacy she is generally uninterested. We have sex but for a while now i have felt like she sleeps with me to service me and not as an expression of love or to be close. We almost never kiss. I am starving for some attention. I tell her this and she apologizes and says she will work on it but nothing ever changes. My wife is a stay at home mom. I have a good job, work hard and make a lot of money. We have a maid come to clean twice a week and the truth is my wife has a good life. I dont ask for much, only that she put some effort into our love life.
I used to buy her lingerie but it would just go into a drawer and never be seen again. I mention it, I dont, nothing seems to help. Atleast two nights a week I dont get home until after 9. Those days are 13 hour work days. I have sweetly asked if on occasion she would put on some lingerie or something fancy or sexy and open up a bottle of wine and seduce me a bit when I get home. She always says sure and has never done it.
I am a nice guy. Good looking, smart, sweet. I am good father but I am starting to run out of energy. I dont know how much longer I can put up with this.
I guess my question is, is what I am asking for unreasonable?
I work, she doesnt. I pay for a maid so she doesnt have to do all the house work. I am a very hands on father, always helping, always around and available. I just want a wife to hit on me some, kiss me and be interested in me and our relationship. Why is that so hard for her. I am dying for someone to tell me that my expectations are reasonable. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
desperate for help - that is a tough situation. Have you asked your wife why she feels that way? maybe find out what is going on in her life and if she feels unhappy or is missing something. take the time to just talk it out. i know being a woman that is seems like men feel hurt if they don't have sex, but women can't have sex if they are hurt or there is an emotional issue. Another option is to go to therapy together and see if you can have a third party help you find out what is happening. You are not bad for what you are asking at all, i do think intimacy is very important in a relationship. But i do think you need to find out why your wife doesn't feel that way and what is happening in her life.
good luck and let me know how things go.
I hear you Victoria. We haven't seen a therapist but I've asked what might be going on with me or something else that would make it hard for her. We have sex, its just fucking. We don't kiss and we aren't sweet in bed. I feel like I'm being serviced. Could she no longer be on love with me? Ahhh. She days she loves me but by the time the day is done she has no more energy. I'm not king for evry night but something sweet and special some of the time. I feel like the division of labor in out house is so uneven and o say nothing. She won't get a job, I say fine. She waists tons of money, fine. Just love me better I ask and she says she will and she understands and just needs a chance to start over and so we do and I wait and wait and ....the same old thing. I love her and want her and think she's the sexiest. How do find out if she loves me and our family and friends and life but just isn't so hot for me anymore ?
Maybe she's depressed. Talk to her and ask her what's wrong... maybe she doesn't like not having anything to do but being a mother. Surprise her, get one of your family members to watch the kids, take her out, or have a night in, tell her how much you love her and appreciate her. Maybe its not being spontainous and she's bored of the same thing. Hold her watching a movie rub your hand gently on her head and talk to her, be there to listen to her. I really hope this helps.
i agree with Mizz.PurpleBubbles, she might be depressed. definitely bring it up to her, and don’t make it about the sex. just say you noticed a change and want to make sure she is ok. i think it is great that you love her and really want to make it work. keep trying, take the above suggestions, and maybe think about marriage counseling so she can figure out what is wrong with her too.
Wow, this is a tough spot to be in. You are smart to come here to try to work this out.
You work hard and support her, and you want the loving and you want to be seduced.
She works hard with the 3 kids all day long and she has long days as well, and by the time you get to having sex, it may just be another chore for her. Are you guys having a date night once a month away from the kids? If not, you should.
You have lost the intimacy. Everything has become mechanical, including the sex.
Do you do things for yourself that make you happy? Does she do something for herself that makes her happy? Go get a couples massage???
You cannot force the intimacy until you find the reason why it has fallen to the wayside in the first place. If the date nights and getaways don't help, absolutely seek a couples counselor, otherwise this is headed down a path of destruction.
Good Luck...
I definitely agree with the date night, but I think you should be having one at least once a week. Think back to before you got married, when you were still dating. What did the two of you enjoy the most? Do it again. Remind her that you're still the guy she fell in love with. Also, check out this site for The Five Love Languages: www.5lovelanguages.com. It'll give you insight into how to make your wife feel loved in the way she NEEDS. Realize you'll probably have to make some compromises. You'll see that she shows you love in her way. Sex for women is always better when it's emotional. Once she feels like her emotions are cared for, she'll open up sexually. If not, bring in the big guns and get professional help TOGETHER. Do NOT tell her she needs to go, tell her that you'd like the two of you to go. That's the worst thing my first ex said: "YOU need help".