Detachment with love means caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes. It also means being responsible for our own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives-the desire to control others. Ultimately we are powerless to control others anyway.
Most family members of a chemically dependent person have been trying to change that person for a long time, and it hasn't worked. We are involved with other people but we don't control them. We simply can't stop people from doing things if they choose to continue.
Understood this way, detachment with love plants the seeds of recovery. When we refuse to take responsibility for other people's alcohol or drug use, we allow them to face the natural consequences of their behavior.
I am trying to do that, but I am so afraid that my son will fall further into addiction because he may think he has nothing to loose...that we aren't supporting him. I've done everything in my power to help him. He was doing so well until last week. I don't know for sure if he's using again, but I suspect it. I don't know where he is. He's in Florida and I'm in Maryland. I know he is now homeless because he left the sober house he was living in...over a girl. Now, she's back in her sober house & my son is missing. I don't know what to do...
Hi Leapyear229, My heart goes out to you. I have 3 daughters and I know how I feel when one of them has gone missing. Just recently I couldn't get up with my middle daughter for several days. She didn't return my phone calls or reply to any of my Facebook messages. I was worried. On about the 5th day of not hearing from her she finally called. She had been out of town with friends. I pray you find out about your son soon. Let us know. ((((hugs))))
Leapyear, my heart goes out to you, my sons are 18 & 26. Have you heard any word yet since you last post? You've done everything you can do to save your baby & I admire you for that. Please try to keep in mind though that it would be doing him a disservice to keep trying to lead/convince him of a better path or you may boarder enabling him & handicapping him in the long haul, sometimes THEY need to HIT rock bottom, time & time again in order to see things for themselves & how its impacting them & everyone around them & the path they have chosen, & usually the reasons that they will eventually find lay in their past, it takes a long time for people to acknowledge/learn/see what they are creating for themselves & again I feel your pain.