Feeling lost

Hello everyone,

I have been dealing with shopping addiction for a long while. I’ve never been great with money but it got especially hard when I tried getting my wife through some very scary boughts of depression. She was in grad school about 5 or 6 years ago and apps made it so easy to buy crap, especially food. I’d get high on weed, buy crap on amazon and order tons of shit food from Doordash. I am still feeling angry then because I brought these things up to my counselors then and they told me it wasn’t addiction.

Fast forward to now, I’m a year into divorce living separately. From my current 1 on 1 counseling I realize feeling alone and without intimacy has me really reeling. I feel very lost and discouraged. My friends are busy with their lives and even though they would give me a hug if I asked I am feeling like I am not getting these needs met. I’m not sexually looking for anything but its been hard to articulate.

I feel like if I was healthier and I saw someone in this same spot I would be like “no way”. I know this sounds mean-spirited but, is it wise to seek intimacy when you are working on all of this shit? It feels like torture.

I have a lot of anxiety it wakes me up at 4am I can’t sleep and I just feel loneliness and I can’t motivate myself to do anything other than the bare minimum of work.

It is amazing how much we all crave touch, I saw an article on professional cuddlers and I was like no way is that not sexual, but it really is just about human connection. See if your therapist can recommend any group therapy, maybe being in a setting with others-in real life, who understand could help and maybe you wouldn’t feel so alone. So glad you are here! Hugs.