Feeling super sad the past few days. I caught up with an old friend I haven't seen on a couple years and talked to her about my break up. She told me her ex and mine were very similar. I believe her, but it is always hard because no one knows the situation like you do. I have ended up doubting myself even more now that I rehashed everything withy friend. I have been thinking that my control over needing answers instead of giving him the space he wanted during my fights with my ex was a big part of what pushed him away, made him talk to other girls and lie to me. He turned everything around to be my fault every time and I'm starting to believe it now that I'm outside looking in. It's only been 3 mos since the break up and I have said here that I shouldn't punish myself for how I'm healing but I'm afraid that I won't stop doubting myself or missing him either.
You cannot make anybody do anything. He did not lie to you because you behaved in a certain way. He did not go meet other girls because you did something. He did those because HE wanted to do so. Certainly if you behaved in a controlling way, that was not good. I had my own controlling moments with the ex-narc myself. That's why I am looking into my own behavior to see why I did those so that I don't repeat unacceptable behavior in the future in any of my relationships (not just significant other relationships either). But you have to accept that you did not cause anyone to behave in a specific way. That was their own free will that they exercised in a way to demean you, to belittle you and to make you feel less. Who knows what his motivation was, but nobody deserves to be lied to. No significant other should be second to others. If a person cannot make you their top priority, they should not be your significant other. You deserve better. Stay strong. Sending you hugs and love.
@lovingafakeimage thank you for the reminder. He is an adult in control of his own decisions. It never felt like I was his priority.
@Stonewalled thank you for sharing your story!! It helped put me back on track today. That is exactly how I felt, off kilter.