Woke up this morning this is the 2nd day after my altercation with my dad that almost landed me in jail had he pressed charges.My brother has also stayed @ home for the past two days playing the bodyguard/peacemaker.Dads not talking to me & my brother only says a few brief words if any.
Per Dad that's the last straw.Says he endured way to much pain because of my drinking.All of my rage seems to be focused on him.I do not know if this feeling is somehow inherited or connected to growing up watching him drink & be abusive towards my mom.But everytime i get wasted i seem to focus on the pain he's caused & therefore lashing out.I'd appreciated some feedback.
Hi Gwrexx, Seems like all the old hurt come back to present life so real when we are drinking. Are you attending AA http://www.aa.org/ meetings? If not, then I suggest checking those out. You can also find them online here http://www.stepchat.com/ . Keep taking it one day at a time. Try to make a meeting. Keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))
Yes to the old hurt comment.But no one seems to believe that.My family’s comment is that i’m using that as an excuse to justify my drinking.For the past couple of days now no words are spoken about the incident to me directly.Just talk among themselves about me like i’m not here.& now my brothers wife has thrown her 2 cents in & dad seems to agree with her.This is coming from a person that’s had her own personal problems with my brother which resulted in him staying here on & off.But i do not butt in.& i beleive she should’nt either.Fix your own problems before giving others advise.
On a good note i did register with Stepchat.i’ll let you know how that goes.
Hi G! It sounds like you finally found the reason to change. It takes something like this to make us change or else we don't see the damage that our drinking is causing in our own life, as well as the lives of others.
And you know what? I agree; past hurts ARE an excuse for our drinking. We wouldn't be able to cope otherwise, because those hurts are too big. The drinking saves us from exploding or just withering up and dying if we had to actually face the hurt head on. Don't let anyone tell you that as though it is petty. Tell them that they're right, but that now you are finding a different way.
I will be two years sober at the end of this month, and a lot of the time I hate it too, because I have to deal with the past hurts all by myself. No drugs or alcohol to make me brave, or to make the pain less painful. But other times it is waaaaay better. I don't live in a fog anymore. I save a pile of money. I am starting to really be in control of my life. Sometimes I really really REALLY want to go back to drinking, but then I remember that I love taking my dog to the beach, and I would lose that because I wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning. I would never have a real relationship, and I would never be able to have children who would have a chance of growing up happy and healthy. Looking back, I can see how much I could have lost to alcohol if I had chosen to keep using it to help me deal with that pain.
I kind of remember how hard day 4 was. I say kind of because I was unconscious with withdrawls, so I know how much pain you might be in right now. Bluidkiti is right - meetings and support chats are a great start, but maybe look into treatment too. That can help get through the first 30-90 days, help you find a new way to cope, and teach you how to decide how YOU want to deal with the world, instead of letting the alcohol speak for you.
It hurts to be clean, it hurts to drink. It's our choice, and it's hard. But I am so proud of you for 4 days - almost a week by the time you read this, I bet.
Thank you for letting me support you. Supporting others always makes me feel less like drinking myself. Thank you for supporting me in that way.