After much consideration with my illness I realised so much about life. I focus on preserving myself and not overextending my kindness, energy and assets. I turned 23 last month and it is like I had a wake up call. I can only help others that want to help themselves and never take disrespect or take anyone back after the relationship ended.
I feel so much peace after knowing now what I can handle and limiting contact with people that are toxic/ too broken to see their harmful actions affect me and never feel remorse or apologize but still think they will get benefits because THEY forget the abuse or toxicity.
I figured that people exploit your kindness even so called ‘boasters’ of being a “good person” , please avoid people that have to put that on a Billboard because why are they trying so hard to prove it? Maybe they are not what they say they are and trying to hide.
Some people only want to be friends to steal your shine, life and bring you down OR want you to be their slave to better THEIR life. Many people also project their feelings to you due to refusing to handle their problems and form a false narritive in their head.
This is stressful to deal with so I stopped entertaining people that refuse to do inner work despite hearing my advice because many people saw me not as a person but a prop and only came around when they destroyed their life.
I finally pratice what I preach and I do not make excuses for anyone anymore because people switch up quickly. They will leave you for the greener grass but crawl back when they realize they lost you , please do not even engadge because those types NEVER APPRECIATED you in the first place.
Finally I gained respect for myself thanks to your endless support, SG, watching decentering videos, praying, reading my Bible, reading the book “Why Does He Do That?”, and spending time alone. There are mental health services that can be acceses to assist people in whatever they are going through and are qualified to do so, I do not need to tear myself apart to fix a person so I refer them to get help.
I hope my experience will help someone out there and never give up on yourself. Please have respect, establish boundaries and learn who you are.
You are amazing! I am not sure I was anywhere near as evolved as you at 23, I could have saved my heart a lot of hurt if I was! Your posts warm my heart. Hugs!
Hugs
Thank you so much Miss Blossom.
After so much hardship I finally had to wake up from the madness. I wrote this to remind myself and let others know so they do not have to go through it .
My illness as well as he loss of a family member changed my outlook on life these few months because I realised any moment my life can just stop , I cannot be too stressed out and many people I cared about never checked up on me as I greived so I distanced myself and I started to think about what can I do to ensure I am healthy and emotionally safe. I gave so much of my time, energy and even assets to help others that now I feel too drained to do that, it happened to the deceased relative and seeing how toxic mothers side acted like she never existed after she did so much for them it made me really see how I need to guard my kindness and stop letting others walk all over me.
It showed me that people do not care deeply , they just pretend to care or cannot connect due to low EQ/ their traumas.
AMEN! Oh hun, you are going to go amazing things with your life, I have a Narc dad and it took me so long to see the light and I am still learning how to let toxic people go. So proud of you!
1 Heart
I am so sorry you had to experience that with your dad and I hope he is not in your life anymore.
Thank you so much for the support.
I hope I can inspire others to get better
No, but I wish I had had the ability and peace to do it sooner and not with so much heartache.
I know its hard, I found it hard at one point to detelach from my toxic dad.
Acceptance is the key first off and know you deserve to be arround someone that loves and cares for you. It is a new year and you can let him go. In life society tries to tell us we need our parents no matter how bad they treat us. Nope because if someone oversteps your boundaries or makes you feel unsafe you leave!
Have patience withyourself and understand his treatment is not your fault.
Its okay to feel the heart ache of the what coukd have been. It is normal.
You will have peace in your life onve you cut out those toxic people in your life. You cam detach mentally and invest in yourself. You can do it.
You are such a wise young woman, it has been 13 years of no contact, I am no longer sad, but I do wish from time to time to just have a “normal” family.
Thank you.
It iis normal because you wish for the what ifs due to a normal craving for love from your dad, it is what they are supposed to do, love their child,l and provide safety for them and the same is said forr your mom. It doesnt help when the media shows what a normal family is like. Embrace those feelimgs and let it go because at least you are in a place where you can be yourself.
What matters is that you are safe now and you can create a family like with friends or otherwise if you are ready.
I used to feel that way too until I accepted that they will never be the family I thought they were. It was hard, I blamed myself but I stopped because I figured if they would they would hsve changed and treated me better so I have a right to leave