Hello. I am new here, however, have been reading posts from this group for quiet some time. It was this group that compelled me to keep a diary, where I would write my emotions, however, I guess, talking with a diary does not really help. So here I am. I am 26 years old. I was raised in a abusive family, where my father would not only beat my mother but also me. Hence, when I got the oppurtunity to leave, I never looked back. Ever since, I have been trying to get through by myself. I live in a small 1 bed room apartment. I work 2 jobs, after my college timings to keep up not only with my rent, but also educational fee, and day to day affairs. However, it just keeps getting hard, day by day. I do not have any friends. I am always extremely stressed, due to which I smoke like a chimney. Though it does not help my asthma, but it does help me control my nervous breakdowns, and stress, somewhat. I go every morning to college. In the afternoon I work, and in the evening I babysit some kids. When I return its almost 9ish, and then I eat something, if i feel like, and if not, I just try to do my college work. One would imagine by this time, I would be tired and go to sleep. However, all night I am awake, wiping my tears away. My heart constantly sinks every now and then. I mostly then spend the night awake hugging my pillow, crying. Even if I do manage to go to sleep, the nightmares do not stop. I am just a complete mess right now. I was hoping someone could relate with this, and let me know how they coped with it.
Could you visit your college's student services and take advantage of counseling and other mental health services? You are still a kid in so many ways and having come from a less than wonderful and supporting family myself I know how hard it is to do everything on your own. It sucks, but know that you are really strong, that you are doing amazing, this is hard, you don't have to do everything on your own and maybe there are people who can help.
@CKBlossom I do try to visit the college counsellor, and it does help, sometimes. I mean the counsellor is great but I feel the talking helps more as it allows me to vent. But generally my routine gets very hectic. It gets hard to manage time for counselling given I already miss a lot of my homework. Not that I want to, but the stress does not let me focus on anything. So its an on off thing.
hey, i dont quite relate but i have a condition which is making me not study well, and there's this future deciding exam which is also coming up so feel the pressure of my parents too. my condition takes most of my day. i have to spend time doing therapy every now and then. i feel broke as I was smart student and also very lonely. anxiety spikes and spacing out. well I would suggest you stop smoking and listening to positive talks
we got this!
@KEVIN I wish it were so easy for me to stop smoking, I really do. Like I said, more than the addiction I need it to calm myself.
first off, youre doing awesome things. work and college? good for you. what kind of nightmares do you have? like from past abuse. My Dr. put me on Clonodine for my nightmares and its helped alot.
I really think a big part of this is you not eating at regular times, and not having any friends. You arent a robot, you really really need these things in order to function in other areas of your life. So if I were you I would set alarms reminding myself to eat meals.
If you can, buy protein powder (I use vega) and put a scoop in yogurt and sprinkle some chia seeds on top as an on-the-run breakfast. Yogurt is good for the gut, which is linked to depression and various mental health, chia seeds are very good for memory, focus, and mood. The protein powder has vitamins and stuff which your body and brain need to stabilize your moods. If you can even eat two eggs WITH this, trust me it will help stabilize your moods.
A big part of mental health is the nutrients going into your brain, and I mean it when I say isolation and loneliness is a very big determinant of health and stability. I didnt realize how much I was mussing it until I had it and saw my mental health and functioning drastically improve.
Next, just send an email to your college office and ask to be connected to mental health counselor, they will help you find solutions. e.g. including extra time to write assignments, or allowing you to take a reduced courseload.
Hi!
I will echo the sentiment of others here. I have suffered from anxiety for 10+ years now. I have managed to get it under control by now, but still there are moments in which I get attacks.
I have noticed that when I am unable to disconnect from obligations and do something I enjoy periodically I start getting anxious. Another thing I noticed is that there are foods and drinks that trigger my anxiety.
I used to be a smoker myself and I can tell you that you are not calming yourself by smoking. You most likely have an addiction to cigarrettes and that is just an excuse to continue smoking. I would strongly recommend you quit smoking. Cigarrettes are expensive, you do not know the amount of money you will save by not smoking. If I could change just one thing of my past it would be my addiction (smoking and drinking) habits. I really believe that would have made the biggest difference. I still carry consequences to this day (I’m 38) and I quit when I was 26.
Quitting smoking will not only help you save money, but will also open your options for moving. If you want to do this, I would syggest sharing an appartment with someone. That will probably make it easier from you than renting yourself, and you will have someone to talk to sometimes. It will help you with the social aspects and with saving money.
Just these two changes should potentially save you enough money so that you do not have to work 24/7. You should free some time asap and dedicste it to yourself by doing something you enjoy.
Also go to therapy that will help, but you need to get the other things under control.
One last thing: alcohol and cigarrettes actually make anxiety worse.