I am the Moderator of the HOCD group. You may have heard about it before (specially considering that i have spoted one or two posts from us already haha); will post two links for further information (read at your own discretion)
Now, a fellow HOCD friend has told me about a discussion he read on emptyclosest about some LGBT members not believing in the idea of HOCD or are being straight-up offended by it. If you feel the same way, let me apologize for that in advance. I guess it is a touchy subject for everybody.
Well since i would like to be able to tell my group the slight differences, if there even are any that is, i thought i come here and open up a dialog. Aside from that, it could make for an interesting (and possible anxiety inducind haha) conversation.
My questions surround the ideas of being in denial, and "changing teams" later in life, as well as the overall differences you percieve from gay people and what you read in the articles above. etc.
Hey Olongjohnson, thank you for your post, and the links to the two articles. As moderator of the Gay and Lesbian, and Coming Out groups I found it very helpful to read those to get some insight into what HOCD is. I have come across some posts from people in the HOCD group before and have done a little research before just to have some idea of what it is. I can certainly understand why people in this group could get upset or offended by HOCD posts, however from the research I've done (I'm certainly no expert but I do try to inform myself before jumping to conclusions or forming an opinion on a serious matter) it certainly seems to me that HOCD is an actual problem, separate from the issue of being in denial of ones sexuality, and also rooted in OCD rather than homophobia.
I do hope that your post can be an opportunity for greater understanding, differences of opinion are of course welcome, I do hope that any comments will be made with the intent to share experiences and opinions rather than judging others.
As I've read many posts in my groups and have also read through quite a few in HOCD group I can certainly say that if someone were to copy them, mix them up and ask me to guess what group they were from I think I would put most, if not all, in the right group. There is a noticable difference between someone posting who's still coming to terms with being gay, and someone with HOCD posting.
I was lucky enough to be raised without any predjudice against homosexuality, even so it did take me a while to understand and accept that I'm Bisexual. My concerns over my sexuality were to do with being accepted, how other people would react, that kind of thing. Any desire to not be interested in people of the same sex came from fears of not being accepted, not fitting in, of being different, rather than any real doubt over my feelings or not wanting to be what I know I am.
I've just realised I've written way more than anyone wants to read, sorry, hope that made some kind of sense.
@Davii haha I definitely know the perils of an overlong post. Thanks for your cooperation. I know what you are saying about some posts containing an obvious difference. Not all of them are so clear though; specially the longer you dealt with it, or the deeper you went down the spiral of confusion. What do you think makes the difference in denial and late bloomers in comparison with ocd? While it was a great relief to read the article from a gay persons pov on hocd, I doubt it (duh haha) sometimes. Looking forward to have an honest discussion on that matter.
Correct me if i am wrong, but you think that "late-bloomers" have known but burried it due to social confirmity? How would that even work? (It is funny how my heart-rate flares up just by writing this)
The article that Mark-Ameen (Gay advocate for HOCD being a real thing) wrote seems to see it that way, but i think (or fear or doubt etc) that is more meant to be reassuring than an overall believe or possibilty.
@Olongjohnson I obviously can’t speak for everyone, but for me I struggled a lot to even accept for myself what I was feeling and that’s even with being brought up without too much predjudice towards the LGBT+ community. I can’t imagine how much harder it could be for someone who’s family and friends are against it. There are many people who struggle for a long time to be something they’re not before accepting themselves. I tried really hard to be what I though I ‘ought’ to be, I denied it even to myself, but I did know deep down, and when I took the step of saying ‘yes, this is what I am’ it was a great relief, although that brought with it all the worry about coming out and the difficulties with that.