Hey everyone I know its been awhile. I hope you all are doing ok. I haven't posted in awhile but i have been feeling very down. I'm starting to realize how badly being in a relationship with a narcissist has affected me. The 15 years of manipulations and mental abuse are very hard to get over. I think I probably have PTSD from all of the strife my ex-wife had put me through. I will never go back to her after breaking free from the relationship but I worry I have been ruined for any relationship. I cant help but be paranoid about falling into the same trap with a different person and I worry I wont even be able to give somebody a fair chance. I just want to remind everyone whos in a abusive relationship to get out early before they do permanent damage to you. They will make you feel like you deserve it but you don't. We all deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Narcissist cannot care for other people so don't waste your life trying to please them in hopes that they will love you in return. They can sadly only love themselves. Stay strong everyone.
I've ran a number of Narcissistic groups on the net. And you are oh so right about meeting or falling for another Narc. It happens all the time. Most people that fall for a Narc, are easy going, lets all get along type people. The Narc seems so nice and easy going too. Of course.... that's at the beginning. Very slowly, her real personality will ensnare you. Like the web of a spider. But being a nice and caring person. We often seek those around us that we feel needs help. They make you feel needed. They make you feel loved, to the point where you just want to make them happy and keep doing for them. THEN..... you can't do enough. And whatever you do, is never good enough. My father and a step sis were Narcs. Doctors and scientists have no idea if it's Social from childhood or Genetic. I believe Genetic. From my own experience and talking with many others. There seems to be other family members from the past or the present. I'm well guarded now. And don't take to relationships quickly. My childhood was one of neglect, verbal and emotional abuse. Don't give up on Love.... but don't repeat the same pattern. I have a girlfriend, but we both choose to live separately. It works out well. I know you and I'm sure, your children also, have lived a hellish life. I supported you....
Wow your description sounds like you know my ex-wife personally. Yes at the beginning she seemed amazingly caring and loving... I had no clue how cold and cruel she would become. I really hope I can see the warning signs better if I come across another narc. Thanks for supporting me :)
@SoloDad I understand your fears about falling into a trap again and I was in a very abusive relationship for 7 years and it has taken its toll on me even after the abuse stopped and I sought help and healing. You seem to see it everywhere and there is a lot to be fearful for, the hurt and injury to your soul stays with you. You can learn to care for yourself though and that will give you confidence even though you might fall into a trap for a while. Remember that you are a target because of your nature and wanting to do things for others is always a breeding ground for the narcs that would take advantage. But if you learn to care for yourself first then you will be better equipped. I was single for about 5 years because i needed to heal and I wasn’t ready. Then when I started dating I found a lot of the wrong types being attracted to me once again but this time I was able to see it and navigate it better. Its hard to do but its possible I believe. I think that the patterns are somehow there and I think that they are imprinted on us from a very young age. Awareness is helpful but experiencing things first hand and learning and growing and not letting yourself fall into the trap again will give you more confidence as times goes on and you learn from your mistakes. I know I still make them and its okay, I am human and you will too. Just make sure that you see it and take a step back to give yourself what you need, space, time, nurturing self care, thoughtfulness over your own actions and evaluate if you are feeling triggered and why.
you know its really weird but but even my 6 year old who was only about 3 when the breakup started would scream and cry when it was time to spend time with her mom. when its mothers day she makes things for me instead. She seems so much more bonded to me than her mom. Of course I was the one staying up with her night after night when she couldn't sleep even though I was also the one one who had a full time job. Our son who is much older (just about to graduate high school) saw all her problems first hand. He is pretty much my best friend and we actually have had many talks about his mothers behavior out of shear necessity. I encourage them to love their mom and just try to provide an alternative stable home for them. I feel bad they didn't get a normal family life but I do my best. My ex talks bad about me to them from time to time. I know because my son tells me. Of course me and all of her family (and the whole world) is at fault for all her problems. I honestly cant wait till they grow up so we all can get more space from her.
@SoloDad Space? Yes, that’s what therapists suggest too. Because the Narc will always try to control each situation and everyone around them. If your daughter does not want to see her mom, I would not make her. If you get a chance, have your son read from the internet what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is, if you haven’t already. It may help him to understand her more. As I said, there’s no cure for it. They can get some help in understanding themselves. But, rarely do.
Sadly she already has started taking advantage of our son. He works so she "borrows" money from him. She also basically took his first car when he got a better one and has yet to pay for it at all. I worry she will continue to take advantage of the kids as they get older. She "borrows" money from her family all the time while bad mouthing them at the same time. I constantly have to provide food/medicine/toiletries for her house because she refuses to get a real job. She basically mooches for a living. She constantly tries to suck me back into her life and all her drama but now that I know what she is I am repulsed by her. Its very hard to deal with the stress she creates but I do my best to just go day by day. Its been a very long hard road and I have a long way to go. That is why I want to warn others about people like her.
Hey jim I dont know if youll see this but I dont know how to message you anymore… also I want to change my screen name so my ex wont recognize my email… not very happy they are displaying it without my permission