Hi :) I haven't used this site in a couple years, and I am h

Hi :) I haven't used this site in a couple years, and I am happy to see it is still active. I am struggling a lot with feeling alone in my experiences and I cannot get a therapist at this time either, so I decided to come back to this site where I found so much support a while back.
I am struggling with trying not to delve into a full ED relapse, but with lots of life changes happening , I am really struggling with having the need to have control of something, and to hold onto anything familiar. I'm very self aware of this, and I have recovered and relapsed from anorexia multiple times before, but I fear that the next life shift coming my way (moving away, grad school, career/job pressure, relationship management) will be the one that sends me right back to where I started mentally.
I guess I don't know where to start in asking for help/moving forward at this point. Even just posting here is a start for me.
Thanks in advance to anyone who even reads this :)

Hi Kyla, Welcome back. I'm really sorry you're having extra stressors in your life right now, and are feeling the tug to go back into your ED. Also, sorry you can't see a therapist at this time.
I congratulate you for having recovered from your ED several times, and also for thinking clearly right now, in trying to get a therapist, and in coming here for support, and for knowing your patterns.
Please know that you are not alone. So many people struggle with EDs. Would it be helpful if you wrote something about the stressors you are under right now? You mentioned (1) moving away, (2) grad school, (3) career/job pressure, (4) relationship management. I think even one of those is stressful, but to have all 4 at once - yikes! So what specifically is going on in your life right now?
Also, you mentioned that you can't see a therapist right now. If you're comfortable to do so, could you say why that is? Maybe we who write comments here can help you figure out if there's a way to see a therapist anyway....? Best of luck to you!

1 Heart

It means so much to me that you commented! Journaling and other coping skills are ones I know work for me but finding the motivation to use them is annoyingly difficult sometimes!
Big picture stuff, I'm moving to Virginia from New Jersey to start my career path and start grad school later in the year, and my current boyfriend and I are talking about getting married soon -he is in the military getting deployed at the end of the year! I have other medical issues that have been brought on by years of ED complications, and I'm so so scared that these huge life shifts will put me in a spiral . Once I have everything settled I am wanting to seek therapy but I fear needing higher levels of treatment that I won't have time or the money for
Thank you for making me feel less alone

@kyla4897 Hi, you’re welcome. Many people have helped me on this site when I needed it. Wow, that is a lot of change all at once. Moving from the Northeast to the South, starting grad school, moving into your career, and talking about getting married. Plus health issues. Everyone loses ground under stress. So, it’s normal that you are feeling the pull to re-engage in your ED.
You seem to me to be very in touch with your strengths and weaknesses, and to know when you are at risk support, etc. I think that’s great. That gives you a head start over lots of people in keeping yourself stable.
You mentioned that you know that you are at risk right now of returning to the ED because of the need to control something, and to hold onto something familiar. So here’s a question for you that might or might not be useful: What was helpful the other times to help you recover from anorexia? I mean, you say you were able to recover several times. Each time, what thing or things brought on the relapse, and then what thing or things made the difference to help you recover? You can write here, or maybe it would be more helpful to do some writing in a journal. At any rate, maybe you can see a pattern, and then figure out from past experience what might make sense for the next step.
Regarding not seeing a therapist right now, I agree that there’s so much up in the air right now with your moving and planning, etc. Do you know how soon you will be moving?

I'm moving in 2 weeks, and I am getting increasingly anxious and stressed and I barely have any appetite. Eating is not high on my to do list even though the logical parts of my brain are telling me to eat. Being self aware makes it all the more frustrating

@kyla4897 Wow, moving in 2 weeks. Yeah, being self-aware has its downside. Is there some way you can remember to eat? Like set an alarm 3x a day? Or prepare meals in advance so you don’t have to cook?