How does your ED make you feel

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
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1

I feel like mine controls me. This song describe exactly how I feel. Like i'm stuck inside and no one can see how I really feel because I do not look sick on the outside. It helps me realize i am depressed and sad and want help (and am getting it) but that i'm scared to death of it. Here is a link to the song but I'll write the lyrics here as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ex7NFDXQoo

I'm in here, can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?

I'm in here, a prisoner of history,
Can anybody help?

[CHORUS]
Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for,
You to come rescue me,
I need you to hold,
All of the sadness I can not,
Living inside of me.

I'm in here, I'm trying to tell you something,
Can anybody help?

I'm in here, I'm calling out but you can't hear,
Can anybody help?

Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for,
You to come rescue me,
I need you to hold,
All of the sadness I can not,
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sia-lyrics/i_m-in-here-lyrics.html]
Living inside of me.

I'm crying out, I'm breaking down,
I am fearing it all,
Stuck inside these walls,
Tell me there is hope for me
Is anybody out there listening?

Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for,
You to come rescue me,
I need you to hold,
All of the sadness I can not,
Living inside of me.

Can't you hear my call?
Are you coming to get me now?
I've been waiting for,
You to come rescue me,
I need you to hold,
All of the sadness I can not,
Living inside of me.

I'm in here, can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?

2

Wow, what a great song! I can really relate to that. I think a lot of people feel trapped inside their own bodies, like no one can see the pain going on inside.

I can't wait to get home so I can listen to it!

3

It's just beautiful and although the feelings aren't great, I can relate to it and better my understanding of my own feelings because I struggle a lot with how I feel and how people want me to feel. Glad you liked it :) it's one of my favorites

4

great lyrics sonrisas, who is it by? (cant open youtube being on dial up, yawn!)
it feels as if im being trapped in this awful body, instead im trapped within my own thoughts and emotions!!

xxx

5

it's by sia. It literally if I was poetic and could write how I feel that would be it. Again so happy you guys can relate!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6

that was awesome, sonrisas---loved it! that soo describes me, too...

i dont look sick either, and it hurts cause no one knows i still struggle .it hurts dabbling in ED but no one can tell and you end up internalizing the pain..

love
maureen

7

It's such a struggle and it makes me feel even more worthless and like I'm not really sick because I don't look it. No one would guess I told them. It really hurts. I'll say it again, I love hearing that I'm not the only one, that you guys can relate and feel like I do. I appreciate everyone's input so much. It helps me a lot especially on days like today! You're all beautiful :):):):):):):):):):):)

8

you dont have to look sick to be sick. but i know what you mean. i always feel so ashamed too. no matter how much i can tell everyone that ours is as much a disease as any i never apply it to myself. but yes, we're in this together, there is no more or less sick. we all struggle with ourselves and that's that. and we'll get each other out of it :-)

9

Amazing how a song can describe how you feel... I want to hear the song ... Its like someone pulled the words right out of me ... Somedays all I want is for someone to hold me and say its ok you will be ok and I understand ...

10

Maedi i do the same thing- i never apply it to myself. From the outside looking in we're fine but from the inside looking out things couldn't be more horribly wrong. It's just hard to associate with that side of it. Busyb isn't it amazing?!!?!? I heard it and cried. I couldn't believe it it was like she ripped out my soul and sang it to the world...amazing...and if i was wherever you ALL are I would hold everyone and give out big hugs and just let you all know it's going to be okay. Stay strong ladies.

11

Sonrisas… I cried too!! She did take it right out of our souls… Def hit home! … Heres to a strong day for you and everyone else!!

BusyB

12

this reminds me of a song i wrote over a yr ago :) mines called obsession for perfection, and the lyrics are:

i know you cant hear me,
as i call out your name
it shows through, but you cant see me
as i suffer through this pain..

i cant turn back time, it shows on the outside
obsession for perfection
now this is my life, a part of me you cant deny..

i hate this reflection,
its taken all thats left inside
im in this obsession,
and its consumed my life

i cant turn back time, it shows on the outside,
obsession for perfection,
now this is my life, a part of me you cant deny

im lost inside of me,
and i cant seem to break free
of this obsession
for perfection..

13

sounds brilliant :slight_smile: do you sing too? wish we could hear it!!

love
maedi

14

Hey both really great songs,
Thank you so much for sharing such personal thoughts.
My ED...makes me feel so helpless...it makes me feel ashamed, like I'm some awful pig that can't control herself, I have no concept of how I look cos of it, all I know is that I don't like myself. I feel like crying cos if it. I rely on it when I feel like **** and I feel like **** cos I rely on it.

I can feel the sadness right there in my eyes from it and I know others can see that sadness. I feel disabled and depressed by it. But like others I don't look sick. But I am under so much mental and emotional pain from it.

So **** you BED...I am escaping you...you won't hold me forever.

Love to all my fellow sufferers out there
Moongal x

15

L-jo that was beautiful thanks for sharing!! It's hard for me to write down how I feel but you do it beautifully! Moongal I can absolutely relate to that feeling. People know your sad but they don't know the extent or why. It kills me. Keep you head up and like you said don't let your ed hold you forever <333

16

it is so strange when you dont look at all sick yet are dealing with ED. for me , that is hard cause --people dont know what im going through and feel as though i am fine...( especailly now that im overweight a tad) but they dont know that'ana' lurkes in the corner, ready to strike and take me down to hell. i have battled this many times before, and am used to the 'war' injuries ED gives me....i am bruised and bloodied...

know one would ever know i struggle with ana, cause i dont look sick one bit.... wich makes me feel like a failure at my own ED...ughhhh

i may not look sick, but from the inside out i am --in need of help....

but ive been in recovery a year now, so i dont care if i dont 'look' the part, cause ED wont claim me, anyways!!!
ha...

love
maureen

17

'I rely on it when I feel like **** and I feel like **** cos I rely on it.'

this just says it all!! this is why it's so hard to get out of that prison of pain and comfort!

18

Why is everyone on here so good at writing?!?!?! Maureen that was crazy amazing to read. Just the way you wrote it was awesome!! I feel exactly what you said except i'm at the beginning of the road looking out only as far as my eyes will let me see. I don't know where it leads, where it splits or how many turns i'll have to tak to get there. All I know is that I feel alone because no one can tell i'm sick...eerie isn't it?? The only thing I know is that at the end there is a sign that says welcome to recovery. I just don't know where that is yet. All my feelings are bottled up we look fine but we are not okay. What hurts even more is when you hear people's comments. It's the worst. Maedi, sooooo true that does say it all. It's hard when the ED is all you feel you have and then people tell you you don't look sick enough to have it...then what do you have? nothing.

19

awwwww that is sooo sweet, sonrisas, you dont know how you lifted up my day!!!

i love writing and want to be a writer one day. actualy-ha.

i just sent out some poetry manuscripts to a poetry ezine–and am scared shitless waiting for the results if i get ‘in’ or not!

so thanks sonrrisas, you totally make me feel so good when i am having such a bad day–so thank YOU…

so kind…

the great thing to know is we have each other who go thorugh the same fight, so it is great to know this!

recovery WILL happen for you, too --im sure!!!

it will–just dont give up the fight!

love
maureen

20

What is the difference of looking sick, or simply just looking thin? I know you don't have to look sick, but are we all hoping that if we look sick, people will notice us more?

Love and Hugs!
SS.