I have a sister who is 31 years old. She has 2 daughters who are 13 and 16 years of age. My sister abandon the girls 13 years ago when the youngest girl was only a few months old. She is a cocaine user and has been in and out of their lives for the past 13 years. My parents have taken care of the kids for the majority of their lives. However, 1 year ago my father went to jail and was sentence to 4 years in prison. My mother couldn't continue to take care of the girls because she doesn't earn an income. So my sister said this is the year that I am going to get clean and I am going to take of the girls. So about a year ago my sister got a job, her own apartment, and my nieces. For the past year she was in and out and continued to leave the girls home alone. She would disappear for days and we wouldn't know when she would come back. My nieces wanted to wait for her but I called social services because I felt that my nieces could be in danger with no supervision. Long story short, now my nieces have been taken to foster care. I'm not sure what is going to happened to them next. They have only been there for 3-4 days. I'm not sure if this is the best for them but I also don't see another option. My mom can't afford. My sister doesn't have a place to live. And my nieces don't want to live with me because of all my conditions. I can't have my sister live with us. And they would have to move schools because we can't live where they currently live.
I just felt like sharing. And comments would be helpful. I feel terrible that this is the situation and my role in the situation.
What are your conditions? Just had to ask.
I am raising my older sister's daughter. She is now my daughter and the oldest at 17. she calls us mom and dad and we love it. The abuse was horrible. My nephew has scar tissue on his brain from it. She use to pick him up by his hair and throw him across the room. It was terrible. You can never be too involved when it comes to protecting children from abuse. So sad that people who will not and cannot take care of children are able to give birth to them. I wish you were able to help more. Sounds like you are the only one together in the situation. Let me know if you want to share more. I can really understand this situation with you. It is like looking in a mirror. Praying for your nieces!
Thank you so much for responding. Unfortunately, my situation is very complicated. I wanted the 2 girls to move in with me a little over a year ago I was 26 years old. I had just completed getting my master's degree. My plan was to raise them alone and the girls were excited to move in with me. At that time my sister had not been with the girls for about 11 years and my dad was having a lot of financial problems. I figured with my new degree I could earn a decent living and I'm also pretty good at managing money so I was sure I could handle it myself. However, my sister found out that I was planning to have the girl live with me and at the time she had been in a live in rehav program for 3 years. She said that she was going to come out of the program and take the girls and take care of them. The kids wanted to live with her. My sister came out of the program lived with my parents and the kids a few months. Later she moved out with the kids; The mom would leave them alone for days to use drugs. I really wanted the girls to move out with me. But the kids feel like they are abandoning their mom and they have faith and hope that she will stop using drugs. If their mom left for a week the kids would be upset at her but they still wanted to stay home and wait for her. My sister is not physically abusive to my nieces. But psychologically she is harming them a lot. My sister gets jobs and keeps them for about a month or so and uses all her money to spoil the kids with fancy cell phones and other electronics. But she won't pay the rent or necessary items. My sister spoils my nieces by giving them all they want but she doesn't really give them what they need. Like a stable place to live, clothing and a decent healthy food. I tried helping my sister by talking to her but even when she is not on drugs she doesn't really listen. I think she has some mental health problem but I'm not sure what is wrong. I tried talking to her about budgeting, planning and parenting but she doesn't listen. She says we have different ways of living our lives and I shouldn't try to control her.
I am the one that called social services on her. She knows I did because I never tried to hide it. I explained to the girls that I want to make sure they are ok. They can't stay home alone with out an adult being with them. And I am afraid what will happened to them because they have gotten an eviction notice for the past 4 months. They haven't paid the rent. My nieces are young and they don't know about finances. All they know is that they want to live with their mom and they are willing to wait for her when she leaves for days. They definetly don't want to move with me now. They hate that I called social services. They hate that I am trying to keep them away from their mom. And their mom says a lot of negative things about me like I think I'm perfect and I want to control their lives. At this point my nieces are very distant from me which was so different over a year ago before they started living with her.
My nieces are not the kids that I use to know. They are distant & distrusting. They defend their mom's action and they believe that she will get better. I have mingled a lot by calling social services and going to court and speaking against my sister. I know that I am trying to do what is best for my nieces. And I really wish they would just live with me so I can provide them with a more stable life. But my nieces don't want that. So I have this eternal struggle of how much should I keep trying to make a difference in my nieces lives? I seem to just keep pushing them more and more away from me. But I also don't want to enable my sister to continue what she is doing. And I don't want to financially support a destructive situation. I shouldn't go and pay for the food so they all have something to eat. I can't afford to pay all their rent in addition to mine. Even if I did have the money it wouldn't be the right thing to do.
It just breaks my heart! You're doing the right thing, though. I am a drug addict/alcoholic myself, and i lost my daughter when she was three. Luckily, my Dad, and stepmonster have adopted her. She is 15 now. She has a really good life. I'm not allowed to talk to her, because she has alot of abandonment, and anger issues. I'm okay with that. You did the only thing that makes sense! Good luck!
Thanks vwytche and Sandy. I really appreciate your comments. Things are still pretty complicated. My nieces now live with my mother. My mother doesn't work and she is trying to collect child support. The girls are still waiting for their mom to come and rescue them even though she has been on the street for the past 4+months. Last I heard my sister was finally in a rehab. One niece is now a 9th grader and the other one is a 12th grader. I hope the best for my nieces. But only time can fix things.
Neither one of those girls is grown or at this point probably emotionally healthy, so they are not going to make well thought out rational desisions about this. If getting to involved would do more harm than good b/c of family polotics than maybe you could make descreet calls to their school counslers. That way at least one trained professional can be kind watcing for warning signs of anything.