I need some help/suggestions on how to stop over analyizing everything my husband says or does. It’s like I’m always looking for the lie, it’s exhausting. He is the 1 that had the affair but I fear I will be the 1 to cause the marriage to end with this. I am constantly fighting myself to look at his phone or emails.
Do you trust that he has stopped? I know you are hurting, but you have to answer that, if you trust him you can stay married, if you don’t, then how can you possibly continue?
I struggled with this HARD! It is so unfair that he brought the doubt and the questions and now it hurts and it won’t stooooooop!
So, I got this great piece of advice and I’ve been working REALLY hard to live it:
You can spend 364 days a year waiting for something bad to happen on the 365th and then kick him to the curb.
Or, you can spend 364 days being happy and if he cheats again, kick him out on day 365!
You already know that you can survive the pain of infidelity so…if it happens again: DONE!
Judge Lynn Toler
@ Happiertoday I want to really thank you for this, I am going to try and live this too. I go in cycles, I am fine and confident and then bam out of nowhere something triggers me and back to square 1. What a nightmare.
I trust completely that it has stopped, but it was all they lying & 1/2 truths that happened (I am confident that I know all the details, or at least all I need/want to know) that cause my insecurities.
I can totally understand how devastating that must be, but if you know and you feel he has turned around and wants to regain your trust, work on trusting him. Ask him to help you trust him. When he says he will be home, be home. When he is home, you are allowed to look at his phone, etc.
Not exactly the same, but when I find myself fixating I try to stop, say “This isn’t a healthy or productive train of thought”, and try to move on to something else. Overthinking is like quicksand, the longer you stay there the more likely you are to get pulled in.
That is such a good idea!